Well after seeing and reading some other fellaz blogs on here I've decided to continue mine for the time being though I need to find a way to get pictures of me and STUFF, but I'll figure it out in time.
Well looking back at the first postings certainly brought back unpleasant memories and what is more it reminded me of why I started. This is about me, Kyon Jibrile Saucier aka Mr Kyon, and it is my space to speak my thoughts and oh there are so many, mais non probleme cause I need to reflect.

Where do I begin? Last post I was homeless, lving in a church for the moment, working at Chipoltle and miserable after taking a job that while I thought was a move up effectively wiped out my finances. So I fell into depression and then began to slide towards the demon...

The DEMON is drugs. Yeah I'm a brave soul to reveal this but I could care less for if this aids someone in becoming clean as I am now from that horror of a substance than God has done his work thru me and I'm all for it.
Long ago I was in love with a man who didn't love himself an so could not love me. I was younger then and inexperienced. I loved him too much and followed him down a path I never beleived I'd travel and to make a long story short I got mixed up with his stupidness. And I lost me and then found me and then lost me again because of the way it can get. I left him but this issue remained and would dogg me at times. However I finally beat it.

See those last posts were before the year ended and I ended up moving in with my parents and staying with them getting back on my feet and I realized thru a series of travials which need not be known by you the reader that I needed to get out of Portland. My time there was thru and the Demon was on my trail and I needed to leave and get back to me to Kyon before the demon before the ex of the past or I would die. No if ands or buts and no my problem was not that serious to some others but this is my life and I must in the end safeguard for none of the rest of the world shall do it for me.

So I did...I left all of my possesions behind...All of them everything. THe XBOX, the DVDs, the games, the books, oh everythiing I worked for, everything I loved. All my friends or at least my beloved CREW. Demo my best friend who is still my best friend and my heart, Crazy Rayshawn my youn' lil' brutha, and Hollywood the older homie of the crew. My road dawggs...All my photos everthing...I walked away from everything left the state and checked myself into rehab...

That was something. I was expecting something a bit nicer than what it was. Mind not Betty Ford, but clinical, spartan. White gowns, therapy groups, that was not it. It was like a filthy, nasty konzentrationlager dormatory. I slept in this huge room with all these other men that...
That were... What I would have become eventually, that I COULD NEVER BECOME I HAD TO FIGHT THAT FUTURE!
All my lessons would be too much to relate but I learned them and I left free of the demon....And stepped into my new life.

Which is amamzing... I have a man, who I love most of the time.
My biological father's family is here and I so have new brothers and sisters with whom to relate.
I am slowly making new friends though when it comes to Demo I miss him at times with an ache that is physical.. I miss so much mo zami mieux but he will be visiting soon and I can hardly wait.
Seattle is like a paradise of green and steel and water, and in the summer as it is now when one stands on the many hills of the city and looks across the glittering buildings to the shimmering sea...Well few things are more breathtaking.
Listen to me I'm prattling like some Elf or something.
Still how can I express to you the POWER OF GOD that enables such healing. Do you know what it is to hurt to be free? Do you know what it is to finally feel like things even when they have been hard are GETTING BETTER ARE BETTER.

I moved here with 500.00 dollars to my name and alone. I have found...And I sit here typing this at work with tears in my eyes...I have found hope that I had lacked for so long in Portland. My family up here in Seattle is not homophobic, there is a freeness in having from all over the African Diaspora that speak French or Portugese or Spanish that makes me no longer stand out bieng such a Francophone.
I'm working a pretty good job, I'm happy, and I'm alive and I'm doing it for me.

So this piece than is my reflection piece, my I'm alive piece, my it was not in vain piece and I am walking in my deliverence and in my love and in my happieness. So if u read this and u feel as if the world is crashing down upon you w/o hope, remember mo zami, you are not alone. God still rules and all things are still possible...

Be blessed.