Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
However there is a positive side. I am taking this pain and the gifts he gave me, of further ambition of respecting me and never judging me of my past, of respect for my intelleigence, of loving the fact that I went to school, his generosity, his thoughtfulness, his making me want to do and be better and I am leaving Seattle within 2 years. I wll finish my schooling and I will leave for where I my big dreams will be realized. I will never be hurt around these circumstances as exist in Seattle and Tacoma again. Who knows I may see him again when my big dreams have come to fruition and then who knows.
And so our relationship began with mixed mesages and back and forth ness but you assured me that I was not wrong for anything. I was the sweetest man. I was one of the best. But why couldn't you stay with me? I know the answer....
So we both said yes.... It was just he never was trully honest sometimes with me and I began to feel things. Things that announced this conclusion....Yet like all those in love especially in such a delicate state I did not think it would befall us....
When this time we met I saw you and as I got to know you... I saw everything I wanted in a man. Except for the fact that you were leaving. And that maybe you were not ready and so we began the dance. And never did you do any of these things to me. Never..... Still why aren't you here? I know why it isn't fair to ask.....
This is the aftermath and I feel like the King of Sorrow. My tears today have been hot and sticky. My soul afire with flames and at the same time chilled with an icy coldness that frightens me. I have changed. My heart is broken. And like her I have so much today I have to carry on. This grief is holding me fast though even though I bear him no hatred I still feel the pain. So I am walking away.
I am feeling this now so I give you now with the videos in this set the Erlking Wyldfae and Queen Mab of the Winter Court. I will always love you Erlking.... Always even when now that I now that I am leaving Seattle for good. It is time to leave this place. As you are leaving for you happieness so then shall I.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
So this past weekend was absolute bliss. I spent it with the Erlking and the Winter Court. It ws pretty nice. On Friday the Erlking and I just sat up and chilled with each other attempted to watch the Star Trek flick that I bought. But we feel alseep. Next day we had an unexpected visit from the evil forces of Gros Cul! By the way Gros Cul translates from French and French Creole to English as Fat Ass! LOLOLOL! Okay so Gros Cul who I really do not lie because well he is a leaky mouthed, lying, supertfrife bastard who needlessly starts drama because is a miserable, overwieght ugly egomaniacal piece of putrid shit; came over just as the Erlking and I were about to head out to Maeve's house for some good home cooking and socializing. The Erlking was a like it's GC. I was like oh God. Javiav sent him I was sure to spy. Something in my spirit is not right about Javiav as of late and I always know that when GC is in the melange it's troubles. NOT trouble boo troubles. So the Erlking has not spoken to GC in forever, they are supposed to be friends, however loosely you define that appelation. At any rate GC came up, presumably to talk shit about me. He'd done it earlier that week through the Erlking's ex. Put a bug in his ear he did and had the EX call the Erlking and discuss me and my flaws. How I am a drug addict (I'm in recovery I have relapsed yes but I am in recovery. No chemical will rule me. Understood not like it once did years ago!), a drunk (well that would imply I drink all the time. I don't and while I have been on one before I am not a drunk I simply have way too much going on for myself to succumb to a chemical of any kind to rule me and take me out at this point in my life. No I am not an alcoholic!) and oh that I am HIV+. (WHAT! Hey I am not knocking those affected by HIV/AIDS. Nor is it a mark of shame for those who may be my friends and or lovers who have or do have it. however and let me very clear I am not to my knowledge at this point and time and I get tested on the reg, a man who is HIV+. I resent those who use that as a way of attempting to wound me socially or in any other way!) I learned this all from the Erlking after GC left because I was unfailingly polite during this visit and while GC andhte Erlking had their bullshit convo about nothing but inconsequential meandering crap...! ARRGH I am just so enraged. You see GC came to damamge my newly budding relationship. He came to discredit me and to make the Erlking think that if he got with me his heart, mind and soul would end up like this: And that really pissed me off royally!!! Fuckin makomehs and their incessant, inconsequential, damaging little dram! Of course the Erlking didn't "stunt" as he said the info he heard though I tend to think it was because I tend to be very forthcoming about my past with men I date. Better for them to know the devil in my terms than to hear about it from others.
I didn't take it so calmly. It could've damaged me. It could've destroyed my relationship and the fact that I am honest with my friends andthe Erlking does not in any way mean that it couldn't have driven a wedge between us if I had not felt the need nor desire to disclose my past with around recovery with drugs... and that HIV part is just a fucking lie!!! So we had to get past that and we did but mark this. I will have my vengence on GC the TROLL!!! I WILL MAKE HIM SUFFER!!!! And you know I will.
That evening we had dinner at Lady Maeve's with Grimalkin and Viltostat than we all went out to the Silverstone Tacoma's main Gay Bar where we go to dance and drink and be merry besides that other place we go called the Mix.
We had fun and Maeve and I were tearing it up to Lady Gaga! On the way home this lady hit the Erlking's car in the Jack N the BOX drive thru, it was just a bump and the Erlking got out and was about to call down the Wild Hunt upon them but he didn't. He got mad at me though because I told him to be kool and told me to shutup. So the next morning after we did a lil sumthin' sumthin' I was like well ur still cute but you are mean and brash to me.
No I'm not
Yes you are
No I'm not
Yes you are and you were mean to be me because your car got bumped and you told me to shut up and you hurt my feelings. Because I am sensitive. So he said sorry... And that day we watched the Superbowl which by the way was an awesome game, but had a dumbass halftime show.... Maeve and Grimalkin came by and we ate a lot of high caloric food, drank a bit, and then Maeve and I went to the Miz met Viltostat there... Looked cute, cocktailed, danced, andi went back to the Erlking's abode and snuggled up to him and slept. I started off Vaelentines's Day early and got the Erlking some stuff and he loved it and gave me beaucoup bissous. Plus I got Red Lobster. And then I got sum. Next day came back, met with Jack Frost and Viking and watched Drag me to Hell and the New Harry Potter film and then I went home.... I just fnished with a paper by the way. So all in all it was a lovely four days past... Even with the unwanted intrustion of GC and the evil forces he represents. Ohhh I am going to get that fuckin Silverback! But in the meantime mes zamis y'all have fun and be blessed.
Friday, February 05, 2010
I'mat the Erlking's house drinking vodka and limonade while listening to my playlist and I am hsving a great time. It has been 2 weeks since I have since him alone and I am very happy.... Little things matter and this is a time of closeness with him and it is all good... So we shall see won't we mes zamis...Aslos too I am feeling real good... I like this feeling of power that comes with money and so perhaps I am wanting to be less of a student sooner rather than later...
Thursday, February 04, 2010
Wow well I suppose when you pray and do what you have to do God does answer. So while I am still quite technically broke for this week I did get good news and got my FA or financial aid finally approved for this year. About freaking time. In the meantime I am so supposedto see that annoying White Guy for dinner tonight. We shall see I am not taking it as a date but I ahve nothing else going on so why not. It is not cheating at all since I am not doing anything with him so I have nothing then to be ashamed about when next I see the Erlking. Still is that not good news. now if only tbat tax return check qill make an appearance.
Wednesday, February 03, 2010
So I have money for my rent this month at this moment and for nothing else. Seriously. My frige is empty, I'm hungry, and well a little freaked. I am simply waiting a blesseing after that financial fuckup of me loosing money last week. Still at leat my rent is paid. Well I am being too nice because I am kinda pissed at Javiav or the Duke of Norfolk. Right aint heard of him lately. There is a reason I simply stopped speaking with him. Not like I fell out of touch I just was irritated by his possesiveness and his wierd acting like he is my man/father thing that he does that is so stifling I feel like I am in a pint sized menagerie and I am way too tall for that. Well the night I lost my money I went out to meet him and a mutual friend of ours Bullneck for a drink. I still rue the fact that against my instincts I went out to buy them drinks especially now. Javiav has been putting me thru these little hoops to borrow 50 dollars so I could just get thru the week. I am like fuck it. THe final straw he says come out to his house yesterday afternoon. I told him I would but of coure I aint never been there called him back several time to get the bus route and ui know where I get off. No response. I was getting pretty pissed. So now I am just like fuck it. I will find a blessing or something elsewhere. Still I would be lying to you to say that right now i am not liking life. I aint depresed but I am not liking life. And this too shall pass. I know it will I know it will.
Monday, February 01, 2010
Si aujourd'hui c'est lundi un autre semaine. And you know something mes zamis I am feeling a bit better than I was last post. I have Erock my Winter knight to thnak for that. I kinda just was holed up with him Friday night and Saturday. We went to the Crescent and the Super Buffet in the Northend which is basically this Chinese Buffet. Trust the food there is good and we ate like Royals even though pauvre Erock drank too much 151 the night before so he had to go easy on some of the food. Dimanche I lefty Erock's went home got fresh and clean and then went off a l'eglise.
This the eglise or in English church I attend at times. I should totally go more than I do I know. At any rate my favorite guest pastro was there, Rev Kelly Brown. She is an amazing preacher, her voice is incredible, and she always smells good kinda comme L'air du temps. At any rate she preached about being cheaters. Explaining how we in this country which is built on lies and also how we perpetuate all this cheating and infidelity and lying in our lives even our church lives. It made me think that's for sure. Still underlying eveyrthing all weekend was that cloud o' gloom that seemed to be wieghing upon my soul like millstone. Well after that great sermon she gave the alter call and I went up for prayer and I was lifted. There was no more of the depression and I just felt better after all was said and done. That evening went out to the Cuff for a minute to visit with Jack Frost and then he cut out. I was like oh kinda bummed again not depressed jus like ahh man u know and then Thomas Raith of the House of Raith, came in. Okay now here is Thomas Raith:
I know that man is hot he's a White Court Vampire feeds off of lust and I love him. Anyways he joined me and kinda saved me from some overzealous old White Man named Marty who was all I just want to get to know you.... Oh you are so attractive. He irritated me but for some reason I got his number I don't know why it is not as if I am not dating someone... I certainly don't feel anything for him. At any rate after all the drinks and dancing I went home to bed. And awoke ready for this week. Here is to a better week! Adieu guyz thanks fro reading.
Salut Mes Zamis Sak Passe!
Enter my world for a second... What? Huh? Well yes there are Black People in the NW and yes we have a vibrant culture up here. I mean naw Seattle aint Atlanta or NYC or DC or Chicago or any other city with a huge Black Population, but it's my home and there are few places as beautiful... Not too mention in all of the NW Seattle and Tacoma have the highest Black Population. So come on enter the world of Kyon....Yon Yon Yon.... Sigh. I was trying to make an echo sound. Now look I I know I got some typos and things so be patient with me folkz.... Cause I get excited when I write... Okay there is no excuse 'cept that it's my page I do what I want! *smile*