Faith Evans ft. Keyshia Cole-Can't Stay Away

Faith Evans - Way You Move ft. Snoop Dogg

Faith Evans "Everyday Struggle" feat. Raekwon

Timbaland - Ease Off The Liquor - Shock Value II

Willow Smith - Whip My Hair

Wayne Brady- Beautiful Ugly

Wayne Brady - I ain't movin'

T-Pain feat Pitbull - Hey Baby - NEW 2010

One And Only - Timbaland Feat Fall Out Boy

Morning After Dark (Featuring Nelly Furtado & SoShy)

Drake & Trey Songz - "Successful"

Well things are as things are. Crazy for the holidays and I feel a bit like I'm on a train that is moving quite fast but not so super fast but fast... And I'm kind of watching everything zip past me. I'm exhausted. I mean bone tried. I can barely concentrate...Well that's not true, I herbally refreshed right now. I am just like at the end of alot of work for a period and more to come and of course all is influx. Moving a gain closer into Seattle itself, centrally located and that's cool less money too. It is a sublimely nice feelings. Things though stressful are going okay and most importantly of all this wretched year is at an end. It was not a good year and I am glad it is gone. Or rather that it is going. Oh there were good times in this year but by and large the bad far outweighed the good. Sometimes there are periods like that luckily mine seem to come after better periods.
Medically things are good with me. Financially they could be better and will be soon. Progress reports. I've been to couple little holiday fetes one at school and one oat POCAAN last night. Both were fun with lots of good fun. There is a thrill of excitement in the air though I have to admit last year was much more fun around this time.
I miss Tacoma and my Winter Court. I trully do... Now at this time I am in a relationship with Mr. W... He is adorable and sweet and good natured and loves me sooo much. All the things I have been looking for forever right? And yet he is at times seeming to lack common sense in the most rudimentary sense. He is not sharp. He also seems to be spineless at times. That is a conundrum right there. I am not so sure what to do? I mean do I stay or go... And we won't even talk about some of the drama that is around this relationship. I don't have the energy...
Ahh bien perhaps I just do not feel very in the spirit yet. I still have shopping to do and plans to make. Christmas Eve is at least accounted for. We will go to Jack Frost's house. The Wyldfae who is very much attached my Court still. We will have Duck and Ham and all the fixins so there is at least that. A proper party for the evening.
Also I think I may go to a party this weekend a Holiday gathering for Men of All Colors Together. I kind of don't always really feel those parties but free food and something to do. I loathe being cooped up for too long. So the day has been kinda just chill and yet I have gotten everything that I had today done. I am pretty happy about that. So I suppose though there is some stress things are good. And that is good. I so want this year to end just the same.

Bonjou va tous! How goes it for all y'all today? Hopefully well. You know by now if you read this I use this for therapy. Because well it helps. Some folkz say a blog should not be so personal but I don't care. I think a blog should be what it is. And this one is about me. So here is a list of somethings I can't stand when going to the dokte now adays.

10. The waiting rooms. I can't stand it. The magazines are old and or I have already read them. How about some new magazines folkz.

9. The people in the waiting rooms. I know we all need health care but really? Like really? Can you not be a total hot ghetto/barrio mess when you are waiting for your whatever? Can you keep your rambunctious children from terrorizing everyone and everything in the room? Like I don't have enough on my mind as is.

8. Though services in some places medically can be linked is it just me or does it seem like all of the clinics and hospitals in Seattle are built in some kind of defensive grid that makes sure you the patient are bound to be lost forever wandering to where you need to get to? It's like jeez I can die of my ailment or just starve to death in this maze you just sent me inside of.

7. Okay this is not prison and you asking me what am I in for is not the kind of small talk I want to have. And do you come here often is just the wrong kind of come on to say in a place like this.

6. It's just a little prick. WHAT DA FUCK LADY THAT IS AN ELEPHANT NEEDLE AND YOU WANT TO SHOVE IT IN MY STOMACH!

5. You need a total of 7 vacinnations and we were going to have them all done today but I just thought that might overload your immune system so we will just do 3. Oh, well aren't you just the picture of thoughtfullness.

4. Well I'm not really sure but-
Wait a minute! NO NONONONONO!!!! You did not just tell me when discussing my prognosis and treatment options that you are not really sure?! Are you serious!? Yeah I feel real confident right now.

3. We only need 7 vials of blood from you this time. It's not so bad. You want some juicie afterwards? Yes I want juice, cookies, crackers, and the 7 vials of blood you just sucked out of me like a mosquito flea hybrid from hell! Why? BECAUSE I'M FUCKING DIZZY AS HELL!!

2. Now you know you shouldn't drink or smoke.
Yes I do. I know that but after all the fucked up new shit your about to tell me I need something to take the edge off!

1. Oh Kyon you are so funny, you're my favorite patient.
Yeah well it's laugh alot like some idiot savant or piss my pants because I am so scared.

Oh the joys of medicine. Well guyz be blessed and be thankful that you have your health!

So what was my Thanksgiving like? Well lemme first start off by saying that as a descendant of the First Nations of the Blackfoot, Chicksaw, Cherokee, and Crow nations I recognize this holiday for what it is. A White Washing, and I use that word in all of it's double entendre likeness, of history that made the Pilgrims look good when they were nothing but murderous, disease ridden, parasites. It is a justification of colonialism under the guise of freiendship made with the savages who spared the poor righteous white people. Bah and bullshit. It is also yet another look at how Americans really ahve no culture and pick any day to eat and be fat and lazy bastards! Now that all being said.... I enjoyed my Thanksgiving. I ate like it was no one business and had a lovely time.
First it was the Dinner PArty at Jack Frost's home with his little Troll. Troll and Frost did a lot of cooking and so did Father Dread. We ate so well Mon Dieu au ciel! There was roast turkey, roast duck, fried turkey, cornish game hens soaked in rapserry vinagrette, asparagus, salad, mac and cheese, garlic mashed sweet yams (sounds gross but oh soo good), peacan pie, dutch apple pie, and cranberry apple pie, rum cakes, and wine. Lots and lots of wine. And herbal esscences too! We herbalizes, we drank, we ate, we herbalized, we drank, and ate sum mo'! I felt like a lion on the plains after bringing down a cape bufallo. It was so good!
Then Mr. W and I went off to Renton for cocktails with ML. Who was a most gracious host. We herbalized and drank. Then with esscences and triptophane running through or viens Mr. W and I passed smooth out! It was a lovely day and though I missed my family a lil bit I didn't that much. I will apres tout see them a Noel. So that was My Thanksgiving and man was a brotha most grateful. Food, folkz, and fun! Like MacDonald's but better! God I'm hungry again. I suppose today I may...I may go to Harry Potter! Adieu mes zamis!!!

EVERYONE HAVE A VERY HAPPY, JOYFUL, DELICIOUS FOOD FILLED, AND ABOVE ALL SAFE THANKSGIVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bonjou or actualment bonsoir maintenant mes zamis. Sak passe? Bien jespere for all of you. I am doing, well I suppose i am well but I am just I dunno a little fretful for the future though so far God has provided me with all I need. Sometimes though I still am like really why me? Yet as my friend told me it is a part of life and it happens. You just had bad luck and bad judgment all at once. I know a hell of a combo. Still I can only say that it is God who has kept me all this time and I am getting even better in so many things. And that is good because I will stay alive to be an old man and I can bless others with my story and what God is doing in my life and my world. Even when it hurts as it has. And I am so very blessed. I have a wonderful family and a new niece that is just lovely... I should show here to you. You have to see here because she is soooo cute! I will too in another post but for now I have her and my family who are wonderful, neurotic top nosed West Indian and Black American dysfunctional fools but hey I love them still. Thank God my Creole Family is nothing like that.

I have a wonderful boyfriend who I love and who loves me so much and is so there for me, even when I do not deserve his love... And I apparently still have my looks because males still flock round me in attempts to well u know. I do miss Trumph still and I still love him but I will stick this out with Mr W for now. He is good to me. So very good to me. So this week we saw Skyline and For Colored Girls and the title is waaay too long.

The Colored Girls film was good and I liked it however I felt really bad for having a dick at the end of the film. Also I am sorry but I got at times very tired of the poetry. However I still adored the film and give it 5 stars go see it!


Okay so I liked Skyline... I know I did though however I had alot more questions after the movie like what the hell was going on during it? What were the Aliens all that. And why did all the people of Color have to get killed before the films end? Especially Donald Faison and his parfait poitrine. And what was up with that ending? Is there going to be sequel and after all the shitty reviews who will want to see it? I still liked it and I will buy it. I am a movie collector. I am I love movies. I want to be in a movie someday I hope to be in one and no not some porno either. Cause I don't like having sex with a bunch of people watching. Just like 2 or 3... If they join.... LOL! Hey I have to laugh because if not I will be crying and I don;t like dry and itchy eyes.
It is funny how time changes things and heals old wounds, and how it solidifies boundaries and things in a person. Now I am trully in many was a different person and no this is not so much maturity but a determination. Never ever again will I hurt like I did at the hands of Gogo. Ever. Still at times I have the most horrible nightmares of him and that time with him. That is the most haunting thing of all this stuff.
However I have forgiven myself for the mistakes I made and I have accepted it. And I'm okay. In fact I am more than okay I am blessed. I am so blessed and I have very little to complain about. God is always right on time he has been and he has in many ways restored me. And for that I am most grateful. I think so many people in this country we live in take all they have for granted well I don't. not anymore because I am alive. And that gift that I have is so precious that I can never complain of the little dumb shit. Well I mean I can because the dumb shit is at times annoying, penible but the point is that I do not let it ruin my day or life. Because there is so much out there. So much life. So go out and live it. Oh and here are the photos of my niece Amilah!




Elle se si belle ouais? Bien sur oui et je l'adore! Well guyz c'est tous pou moi cette nuit. Bon soir and be blessed all of you...!

Stress stress stress, i have no money, struggling to pay rent, tests and papers abounding...Oh and of course to complicate it all is that HOUSE IN VIRGINIE that I own. Right how very lovely. Oh and it is raining again. It is raining all the time now and deluges... Bien sur j'habite a Seattle mais vraiment, sky give it a rest. And I am as of late very tried. So tired. Not a sick people or person tired just tired. Like I am running with everything to keep up. And in some ways I am but...I am tired lately.
My Halloween was fun and uneventful as in nothing fucked up or dangerous took place and of course I did not put myself into positions where anything messed up would happen so that was kool. I was Captain Hilfiger, I put on a plastic blue mask and a Tommy Hilfiger running suit and there I was. Mr. W and I had a nice time. That night. My Wyldfae was there, drunk as usual and running about. I mean what else right? Still that never stopped me from dancing the night away. Which I did. I also insulted alot of White Gay Guyz, because well they were annoying me and sometimes I do like to put them in their place. I know I am a piece of work. Mr. W. is late again. Sigh

So last night I dreamt of Gogo.... It was nightmare. I don't know why either because I certainly was not thinking of him but I had a nightmare about him coming to me and trying to I don't know... It wasn't anything sexual or violent it was just his presence was extremely unsettling. Mr. W said I cried out in my sleep. I think I did. The dream felt too real.

Perhaps it is just a winter dream that is coming my way and I just have to deal. Once again it is that time of year and still I almost dread it and adore it at the same time. I want this wretched and horrid year to end. I am so sick of everything that has taken place this year. This has been like a year of lament for me. It has been just hard. Yet I am still here. a little bruised and battered but I am still here.And I suppose I am just so grateful even just for that.

VIVE KYON!!!! And now I am smiling.

Adina Howard- Doin 80

DJ Jazzy Jeff feat. Raheem Davaughn - My Soul Ain't For Sale

I Found My Smile Again

Katy Perry "California Gurls" Parody - California Boys

This has been killing me for the last 2 days I have been cracking up and now you can too.

Bonjou vas tous c'est tres tot pou moi aujourd'hui, and yeah I am not fully awake. Well how have I been doing. I have been doing. Perhaps lately a bit overwhelmed at times, and at other times not so much. I am dealing with things as they come and doing what I can. Things have most definitely changed for me. I love the doctors or at least what they do for with keeping me healthy and under my doctor's gentle observations I have remained healthy...However going to them because I have 2, well I dread it. Blood, always my blood is spilled. Okay that sounds hella dramatic but that is what takes place. I have blood drawn out of me every time I visit and the needles only seem to be getting bigger. I swear last time I went for labs the needle they drew blood with was for a freaking horse! And I hate it because well I mean I don't like pain. I know some of you are saying well u could've prevented all of this but please don't go there. I know more than anyone else. Also I have been sometimes feeling a little hypo or rather I am guarding against hypochondria which is easier said than done because I am always wondering... But enough of that and talk of illness and blood and doktes for the moment.
School is going well as can be expected. Already I have had papers assigned and who knows what I was thinking with taking 16 credits but I am doing pretty well and I am glad for that. Of course while my tuition has been paid I found out that my books had not been paid for so I had to appeal for emergency aid to get some from the school 'cause I can't afford 'em. Ouais pauvre comme a squirrel in winter. Pray I get that aid I needthose books. My birthday in 3 days and I have no idea how that is going to go, I am not really interested in it this year, and I have a Boyfriend now, yes Mr. W and I have decided to try this.... So far I am not complaining about him so much, but the other day Javiav came over to my apartment and made an ass of himself and I am now finally done with him and his supposedly non existent, stalkerish, infatuation that he refuses to admit. No trully I am. he verbally attacked Mr. W and exposed some confidences that I had put in him about Mr. W and this time for some reason (though in reality I suppose looking back why was I shocked at his behavior? He has done this so many times before,) but I was. The I know this much he will not again. He is no longer a confidant. Not ever, the betrayal like that rooted in jealousy, it drives me crazy and I am so tried of having to be so careful of Javiav's forever mixed up feelings. So I won't anymore. That was easy. I thankfully was able to smooth things over with Mr. W but who knows.
And then Trumph. I have not seen him in days but I miss him and well maybe I am not as over him as I want to be. I understand now how Gogo said to me once that you can trully be in love with 2 people. Gogo.... Pleasing thoughts. I will cross these bridges when I come to them.
Part of my issues as of late is that I have been really stressing myself out about and I need not do that. It is just this year has been one of the most trying and I have had some trying times. Once again we shall see.
Well the other day Mr. W and I were going to visit a friend and this old woman was standing there looking all distressed. And you know I talk to anyone. I do and I am not so sure it is a good habit. Still I do it. So I said Hi, you know 'cause I thought she would be like we parked in her husbands spot or son's spot or some spot and I asked her how you doing and she said terrible! Okay so the rest is like this:
Kyon: Oh what's wrong honey?
Old LAdy (OL):They killed my cat!
Kyon: I'm so sorry what was the kitty's name?
OL: SWEETS! They killed Sweets! They murdered her! They said she had cancer but she wasn't in any pain they didn't have to put her to sleep and they murdered her!

Now at this point we begin moving off and the old woman is now in rant mode, never moving after us but her voice rising ever steadily in volume.
Kyon: Well she did have cancer I am so sorry amour!
I called that out to her because I didn't care anymore. Well I didn't. However hse kept on ranting.

OL:And the govt sucks! THEY ARE KILLING ALL THE WILD ANIMALS AND THEY NEED TO LEAVE THEM ALONE.LET THEM RUN FREE!
Then she adds : AND YOU'RE NEXT!
How telling. Man someone murdered Sweets and fucked it all up. And shit before the weekend I had no idea. Someone killed Sweets! That is why all the things are the world are messed up you know. Cause someone killed Sweets. Damn you for murdering her. LOL! Well I am doing well and I am keeping you all updated. Be blessed.

50 Cent feat Eminem and Destiny's Child - Thug Love (Remix)

I love this song but I only want a thug sometimes....

Joe - Bedroom

Great song

THE BRAND NEW HEAVIES - Spend Some Time

Solé ft. Tamar - 4 The Love of You

Chaka Khan - You Can Make The Story Right

Chaka Khan - A Woman In a Man's World

Chaka Khan - Sleep On It

If we can sleep on it, a classic and a keeper. I love Chaka!!!

Bishop Carlton Pearson: He Defends Bishop Eddie Long and Claims GAYS wil...

Check this out guys I agree my take on the Bishop Eddie Long Scandal.

Bonjouy et sak passe i know long time no see. Well school has started and I am in thus I have access again more fully to a comp and I am relishing it. Classes look like they will be good I am ready. I trun 33 on the 10th of October and I am awaiting that. I am seeing Mr W still and while I am falling for him he has some small issues and in truth I still have feelings for Trumph. Not sure what to do with all this I am just going to ride it out wait and see. Plus this is the start of my busy season so who knows.In the meantime I have to address this scndal with this man who unfortunately has been caught up in something not so cute. Well I have to say this I am not going to throw stones at him, I do beleive he is probably a homo, and I feel sad for him that he has been forced into this corner, though he made his choices and must thus follow the consequences. However the man who has the most problems with gay men and gay sex usually wants to have what? Right lots of GAY SEX. Nuff said.
Check this out a vid I have for you on the subject following this post.
Doctors give good repoerts though I do have a bit of a sore throat that Mr. W gave me but overall I am well. I hope this finds you well and at peace. Be blessed everyone et adieu.

Britney Spears - Trouble

I still love this song and I know it is Brit but I can't help it.

( Fantasia "Back To ME" 2010) Fantaisa I'm Doing Me

I am really feeling this song

Michael Jackson Birthday Party in BK

Yet another reason why I need to move out of Seattle!

Kanye West Feat. Beyonce & Charlie Wilson - See Me Now [CDQ] + DIRECT DO...

Will Smith- SUMMERTIME (PARODY)

FINAL GUEST CONFIRMED! The Oprah Winfrey Show FINAL SEASON 25: (MUST SEE)

Anthony ur crazy for this! But I love it and I love u!

I am not sure exactly what it is but something about the end of the summer makes me sad. Even a summer as tumultuos as this one has been for me. I can think of worse things I have experienced in my life but this summer has been one that has really tested me mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically with all that has gone on. Some of which has been because of the choices I made for good or ill I now deal with the consequences. First off my health is great. Infact people have been saying I look really good andI feel pretty good, which I find ironic but okay I aint trying to rock that boat at all. Life has been interesting lately, home is okay, I'm loving my big oom so much more than the last hovel I was trapped in, morel ike a hole really. Well I kinda don't like one of my rommies, he's a passive agressive lil bitch but hey what do ya do. Mais vraiment li se un bete idiot, tu konne?
I have a new freidn at the house a kitten named Leo. He is actually very cute even if he does cry all the time. He likes to curl up nmext to me on the chair in the apartment and sleep next to me, he lets me pet him and he is always trying to get up in my room. SO is his mother Jade. They find me bed to be most comfortable. I don't want the fleas I suspect they have in my bed though. I really didn't have a pet growing up so this is kool however I am a lil worried at time about toxiplasmoids? So I suppose I shall have to ask my dokte about that. I am about to start school and also hoepfully get a job because well unemployment does not last forever.
I am ready to work again at a crappy job to help further my goald since this job this time really will just be a means to an end, and this time it really will be. In the meantime I am finding people to be very supportive of me and my new condition and to be honest it is as if for the first time I am really really loving life. I used to say things like God I hate my life. I used to say that alot but now I don't. I mean I have always known I am mortal, that is was nevera question of if I would die but merely when, however this makes my mortalilty seem so much more pressing and not in a bad way, just in way that says hey appreciate this day. Appreciate this breath, savor this experience. And I am. This is not to say in anyway that my life is perfect or anything or that i am perfect it just that I feel more grateful about things and in some ways less willing to deal with the dumb shit, but also not really sweating the small shit either. I dunno perhaps it also maturing. My 33rd birthday will be here soon and I really want to celebrate but I dunno know how. I dunno I wanna have a big party but reality says I dunno how that will happen. So probably I will just maybe celebrate by myself. Because I have come this far and why the hell not!!!
Also a certain person is coming to see me next month and I can't wait fopr that eityher. And this year before it ends I am going to go somewhere that I want to go,. For real! Bien c'est tous mes zamis, soyez bon! Adieu!

So today I had a meeting with my case manager and we talked about insurance and medical forms and wiavers and copnsent forms and all kinds of stuff and it was actually really good. Number one it was good becaue case managing will mostl ikely be part of a career I choose and I am seeing it in action albeit it is on my behalf. Also it means that I am still staying on top of this thing. So in that respect all is well. I ma waiting on a check that should've been here yesterday is not yet here. It better be here today. I need money I've got to go grocery shopping and I think I'm going to buy a pair of clippers too. I mean I shave my head bald and why szreally should I pay people to do what I capable of doing. Plus I have started like doing a little body scaping of my chest area and I dunno I like it so yeah...Imma just get some clippers. I am slowly coming to realize more and morethatI will be aiight. I have alot of support in the works and I have folkz around me who care so I mma be okay. At any rate photos of me! Because I am vain! Okay. Be blessed and peace y'all Adieu!

Life goes by slowly these days, well not really but perhaps colored by my experience of adjustment to my house in virignie, I am thinking that I am actually living life more and to the fullest. I experience it more than I hever think I have. So every moment is now trully precious. On one hand that's cool and on the other hand it isn't soo kool. I would rather not have this new experience to navigate. Still I am well and health is good so I am not complaining and I am adjusting, if that can be said as well as I can to this new thing. Even if I hate it. As for Gogo...Well The last thing I heard from him was him asking me never to speak to our mutual friend again....It was perhaps a lie, but I don't care now. He has taken everything tfrom me that he could and I see him now for what he chooses to be...And I have cut off communication from him. It's a hard thing all this because I feel like I have all this rage and anger and unsaid things that I want to just lash at him with but in the end I beleive it is for the best. It does no good and it certainly won't change things or benefit anyone. Not even me. Forgiveness it is not an weasy thing to choose or to walk in but once you do so, you just do it. Nuff said.
I have a new phone an I like it. First of all it does not look so ancient, secondly the plan is much cheaper than before and I like it. It's a cheap Blackberri but whatever when it comes to ophones I'm not all gadgety like that. Of course though it's great to be reconnected and slowly but surely everything the cancerworm has taken is being resotred to me. God has blessed me so much during this time and it is to him that I have found most of my peace and refuge.
Since I ahve been back I have been kinda dating. Though I don't have a boyfirend per se as much as I have suitors. One of them Mr. W
is an old piece and we are enjoying each other's company at the moment. The other is Trumph. And finally there is Soldat who lives in MO, right now but who has my attn. If for no other reason than he is not from this part of the country and plus he is charming thus far. But no serious commitments yet. I am simply not ready for that, the only person I would be ready for that would be Trumph and he still needs to be single or so he says but as of late who knows.
The world tells me still that he loves me and is still in love with me and he shows me such in little ways... I have forgiven him for the past and I could and would be willing to try it again. After all he told me we technically are not together but untechnically we are. I have no idea what that tmeans but somehow he is staking some claim to me still.
Boiz!!
I am sinply enjoying mu summer, went to a lil BBQ this weekend, hung out with MR. W, went to Twisted in Everett and just enjoyed life. Oh an last night I kikced it hard. I have to work on my alcohol intake by the way. I can't be doing too much otherwise I will hurt myself. But these days I feel fine. Still I suppose the better care I take the better I will be. OH it's just so frustrating at tiems to have to deal with this. It's like it goes away when I don't thin about it but it is so important I can't just ignore it or wish it away and it just surfaces as an issue at the worst times!! LIKE ALWAYS! ANd it is in those moment when my forgivnemss is tested and when I want to lash out and hurt others. ANd I can't, because I know how wrong it would be to do...SO I don't.
As usual I am what I am just a bubbling caudron of emotions. PH BTW JOMO MY MOTHER KNOWS NOW! Blab nothing else. Just had to let you know so you didn't do it at some inoppurtune time. So here I am. I am doing well and I living and growing. And I beleive when all is said and done I will be okay.

I shall have a nice post for you guys tomorrow, as I ahve decided that someone may be albe to learn from me as I go through this...Process. So there ya go talk to y'all on the morrow. On the other hand who says I can't talk now. The week has been so far cool. New place is nice, I like it. Well naw lemme just give y'all all an update tomorrow hopefully I can do it online via a web cam than via the written.

Jordin Sparks: Walking On Snow

Jordin Sparks: Emergency (911)

Jordin Sparks: Was I The Only One

Watch You Go - Jordin Sparks (w/Lyrics)

So this is a great song and Ms. Sparks has kinda been helping me heal basically so Imma post osme of her stuff on my blog hope you like. This CD is much better htan the old one

Tunisian legal subversion

Take note Americans... THis is slowly creeping upon us.

Asylum-seekers are not criminals

Take a look at this and take it in.

Old Spice Guy Parody

LOL!!!

Fashion

I'm sorry but my God look at him. I know right?!

OLD SPICE COMMERCIAL- OFFICIAL PARODY!!!

Love it, go Alpha cat.

Woman wakes up to find intruder in her bed [AUTO-TUNE Remix SONG DOWNLOA...

THis is soo off da hook! I love this video! OMG this cracked me the hell up!

An explanstion of my abscence, the poem I wrote, and the challenges I am currently facing in my life. Love all of you. PAIX et DEUCES!!!

Window Seat Gay Parody

Love this!

So You Say You Love ME?

The next man who says he loves me will not recieve any applause.
I will not jump for joy inside or out,
There will no be shouts of triumph or tears of happieness shining like diamonds as they slide down cafe chocolat cheeks.
Simply I will tell him to stop saying it to me.
For in my experience to many of you brothas have used to that phrase as a way of
DECEIVING
PACIFYING
USING
SEXING ME JUST FO' SEX
ETC. Too many blanks and not enough time to tell it all.
The next man who does me wrong will not get the chance to say sorry. There will be no second chance, no one more tries, no baby I never meant to hurt you, no please don't go.
For I am tired of feeling guilty when I am never the one in the wrong
Tired of having to justify why I am hurt,
Why I feel like forgiveness though it shall come does not happen immediately and if you are trully repentant than you would stop doing your bullshit!
Nope I will just get gone because like Blu said I would rather sleep in the middle.
The next man who hits me should be sure he does not lay down next to me after he does or continue being up in my sphere, because I will catch you slipping at some point and I am frankly quit sick of letting the Lord have vengence. Why should he get all the fun?
The next man who brings me flowers will see not a trace of pleasure.
The next man who wants me to have an all nite convo via the telephone will be sore when I tell him it's been an hour and I have shit to do.
Love's trappings are things I no longer find amusing,
Instead of warming they break my heart...Like you did.
And you did.
And you
And you
And you over there, and you, and yes niggah you too.
See the man that infected me with HIV told me heloved me, the man that hit me told me loved me, the man that bought me everything and gave me the world then dumped me and went back to his ex told me he loved me, the man that used me for everything he could drain told me he loved me, the man cast me out of our home told me he loved me....
So please,
Keep it to yourself if you catch feelings.
Let me say it first.
Or better yet just leave me be because these sdays I hate love.
I hate it
Detest it
Abhor it.
And yet in the same breath I want it more than I can allow myself to say....

Kyon Saucier

Craig David One More Lie live acoustic (Standing in the shadows of love)

Mos def I can relate to this song right now.

Kele Okereke - New Rules

More Kele Okereke. Pretty big deal apparantly in the UK.

Tiësto - It's Not The Things You Say feat. Kele Okereke

Yet another Kele track or at least he is featured on the track. Oh and his name is actually Kele Okereke. So not only is he a British man of African Descent he is African. Heeeaay. LOL! Well enjoy guyz.

Kele - Everything You Wanted

And this is Kele's new video. The boy can actually sing and I kinda feel this song. I know at least I can emotionally identify with the song. Still not necessarily my stee of musique mais, he has my support.

Kele - Tenderoni [New Single]

SO this is the new single to the openly Gay AfroBritish Star Kele whose album has recently dropped in the UK. It's song tell me what y'all think. Kele who knows is he setting a new trend for Black LGBT performers? I hope so.

Well it appears that somehow and someway things are slowly coming together. I even got a way to get a place now though I need to call the person today. We shall see how it all works out. For now though it appears that everything is falling together and that the right decision was to come back here. Thank God!

Jeramy Bailey - Flyin' High [Free Download]

When You're Down To Nothing, God Is Up To Something - A Xem VanAdams Con...

Top 5 Ways To Get Instantly Chopped

Another day of struggle but not soo much I am optimistic things are going all right. Somehow and I can only credit the Providence of our Lord Jesus Christ things are just falling into place for me. So I'm going to go with that and just be thankful. And I am most thankful. This whole experience with Gogo in Protland and the deaths of my Aunt and Gram have been profoundly painful for me and they almost destroyed me but I am still here and I have survived worst frankly. As for the love thing... Guyz have been hollering at a kat and I have never really been any less interested. Plus I am seeing more and more the games that are played and perhaps since my mind is colored by this latest abysmal failure with Gogo I have no patience for it.
Par example last night was enjoying some time with this nigga HabaBekele at his house. Listening to music, he made dinner, we had plans to go up to the Hill and kareoke or whatever and then some other nigga alerts him. Wants to see him. So I pooed my black ass up and left. With very little rancor but I am not in a mood to share. His excuse was something like you didn't give me head and this guy will. Well good for that nigga. I told him that I hoped his little nasty friend was killed in a fiery car crash on the way to see him. I meant it to. What I wanted to say was you are a filty slut and you already have HIV so if this is how you contracted it by bed hopping and chasing after niggas as you are begging me to fuck you then yay for you. I hope you rot from the inside out and end up a putrid shell of grossness for all the world to see. Thankfully though I didn't say it. I just thought it.
So those are guys for me...Well except for Trumph. Yes and this man is still in my life for good or ill and I think more and more for good. For some reason he was the first person I saw when I got back to Seattle. And he isthere for me when he is able. I am grateful for that.
Oh and there is some guy on FB who has been talking to me, wanting me to be his man. It's kinda wierd. His name is ___________ and I dunno i have guys do that FB flirt thing with me before but he is very...I dunno there is a tinge of desperation that I do not feel to it. I am extrmely wary of that one and for once I am glad my cell is off. I would not want him calling me whenever. That would be a bit much.
Still things need to be done and life must be reordered continue holding me up in your prayers....

Mary J Blige I Am Street Remix (High Quality) Produced by Donald XL Robe...

I always love a good remix I really really do.

Blackstar Ft. Mary J. Blige - Beautiful Remix (With Lyrics)

Tightness

Dru Hill - Love MD

Tragic and lovely song

Ciara featuring Ludacris - Ride

A carry over from Ptown this song grew on me

Mariah Carey Ft. Fatman Scoop - Touch My Body (Remix)

DA DANCEHALL REMIX!!! BOP!

Mariah Carey I'll Be Lovin' U Long Time Remix (Produced by Midas Touch)

Great song and even better remix

JoJo - Wrong Man For The Job - All I Want Is Everything - 2 [NEW SONG 2010]

Yeah some of you guyz are the wrong ones for the job and yet you all seem to seek me out....

JoJo - I Hate Love - All I Want Is Everything - 7 [NEW SONG 2010]

I feel this song too ohhh go Jojo.

Toni Braxton ft. Claude Kelly - I hate love [REMIX]

Yeah sometimes I hate love too... But this song is beautiful and I am really iding with it.

shakira -she wolf (remix) ft. daddy yankee

But reggaeton is always le mieux!

Shakira - She Wolf (Remix) ft. T-Pain

Found this remix and I love it alot.

Open Relationships [Season 5 Premiere]

Okay I lied but I do want to watch this.

C'est fois pou Afrique. Nous sommes tous Africans! Well we are and this is just an ice way top conclude my postings for today.

Jordin Sparks - Sos (Let The Music Play) Official Second Single

Heard this the other evening and I am really feeling it. Funny how you thinhk you have friends and they seem to all just disappear....

Brandy - Love Me The Most (Lyrics)

Because honestly you had to love me the most because trylly you did hurt me the worst twice...

Brandy-Locked in love (with Lyrics)

I am loving this song and even though I you are still no good for me at all GoGo I still love you and I forgive you for all you did even though now I need to take care of me and be away from you.

Si li se Dimanche. And I am still here. I am alive and I have had my needs met daily. Of course at times it has been difficult but life is still gloing and I beleive through all this I will be okay. God is blessing me and perhaps the mistakes I have made may be fixable. Of course that is the hope. I am willing to try though and that is really all i can do. I do know this though. For the moment I want nothing to do with love. Or anything that looks like it.

I have returned to Seattle this afternoon to what I have returned I don't know. I went to Portland to see my ex Goldie and while I was there my Aunt Renee died, I ended up having a nervous breakdown, was taken advantage of by my ex and finazlly left to return to Seattle with no home. I feel suicidal and honestly I am thinking of just offing myself. Life, lving this rat race is making me tired. My step father told me not to come back but all of my things and my life is here andI could not bear to stay in Portland any longer and that place ws killing me again. Perhaps I should have stayed and let my ex drain me to death. Still now that I am here I ahve to fight to survive. The spark of life is not yet extinguished andI can do it but who really knows. On the other hand if I were to die who would care? I mean really what is so speacial about me? I am not even sure if I ever touch anyone around me anymore and I feel so depressed and so expendable. Oh my Lord I really do feel as if I want to die. I do not have the strength for this anymore. I do not have the strength. Aie mon Grand Met...I do not haveth strength.

So here it is, printemps Mai, and I am just kinda doing like inside bluhhh.... Life is okay I am getting caught up with school and doing what I need to do. Which is okay but on he other hand I am pretty tired and this summer will be jam packed, I suppose to punish myself with a huge load for summer since I had to take that break from reality when Gram died. Which I needed but i have to compensate for that and get on the ball. And I will...So I'm coming back slowly but surely. Every day is better.

He & I Just Met SIX Days Ago & Already!... + BONUS Sizzle Miami Announce...

Xem Van Adams is doing his thing I love him and he has alot of stuff to say much of with I agree with ad he's a lil cutie too.

My second Blog Video Post for you guyz. Hey at least they don't have any typos.

Fresh Out The Oven (Uncensored version) - Jennifer Lopez ft. Pitbull

BoA featuring Sean Garrett - I Did It For Love (King Britt Main Mix Vox Up)

Lloyd Ft. J Holiday - Nicki Minaj - Take It Off

Ciara feat. The Dream - I'm Up In The Bank (New Song - 2010)

Beyoncé - Catch A Case (new song for 2010)

This isn't Beyonce but Solange

Mario - Slip Me Your Number (New Music April 2010)

Mario - On Me Tonight (NEW SONG 2010)

New Music coming right now

Christina Aguilera - Not Myself Tonight (Official Unedited)

Tomorrow Night I will not be myself and I will have freakin blast at Lady Maeve's Brithday Party!

Snoop Dogg Feat Brandy & Pharrell-Special (Offcial Video)

Boy you are special I think you were born in the sky amour...

Different Languages (Remix) - Snoop Dogg Feat Jazmine Sullivan and T.I.O.

I'm from Seattle but I'm fallin' sooo hard a nigga got me crip walkin'.... lol

Tyrese ft. James Fauntleroy & Chris Brown - Perfume

Hope you remeber my perfume or cologne or whatever..

The Dream Ft. Mariah Carey - My Love

loving this too!

Mariah Carey H A T E U Remix feat OJ Da Juiceman Big Boi JD Gucci...

Like this lil remix loving this.

Beyoncé - Why Don't You Love Me (Official Music Video)

I cold ask the Erlking this question but I could care less at this point to do so still I love this song. Actually I could ask more than a couple guyz in my history this but why waste the breath. Love this vid and this song hope you like it too guyz and dolls!

Trina feat. Diddy & Keri Hilson - Million Dollar Girl (Official Music Vi...

I am so loving this song and his vid it's like an extra long Cover Girl Commercial at the end of it I want Keri and Trina to be like:
"Easy, Breezy, Cover Girl!!!"

B. SCOTT - COME FOR THE QUEEN (DJ FATHA JULZ CLUB MIX)

Come for the Queen B. Scott! I am seriously loving this song. Reminds me of my sister Titania the Queen of the Summer Court!

Najee & Zhane & Will Downing - Piece It Together

This song characterizes my last post... My level of trust for love is so low and I am not sure that is good thing, yet still I will press ahead but very wary of this love thang I am now. Because it seems like they always leave then want to return and that is the most maddening thing at times for being Kyon. I mean is it true that nice guyz really do finish last?

A new treat for you guyz me on video...

Ledisi singing "Alright" 8.28.07

It's alright!!!

Almost There

I'm getting back on track and ouais I am almost there!!!

Who Knew (Remix) - Keke Wyatt ft. Pretty Ricky (NEW MARCH 2010 + DL Link)

'Cause really who knew I would be here at this moment in time now?

Keke Wyatt - Never Do It Again.wmv

No and I will never drop off the earth like that again readers. Je vous promis...

Electrik Red - So Good Remix ft. Lil Wayne

Ohhh Damn so good I wonder if a certain jazzy persnn can well.... Smile***

Glee - The Boy Is Mine (Music Video)

Love Glee hey guys trying to bring it since I am back.

Dating 101.wmv

Love this vid take a listen to Mr. Schuler and Moe!!!

Amel Larrieux- Weary

ME AND HONEY BEY (Telephone Official Music Video Skit)

So today is a new day and a hard week I Feel like I am cracking up. I was sick last week and missed some classes, than on Sunday Night my Gram died. These days have been difficult to say the least. I am feeling horrid to be honest and not sure where I am going to land...Death, fainlity, heaven and hell, pain... Sickness oh yes that because I broke out in a rash over my forehead eyelids and ears...I know not really all that lovely. I still have that cold too. Everything is hitting me all at once and I am just like ARRRRGHHHHH!!!! Stop world stop. Please just stop. Oh and of course thanks to B of A I am having money troubles. I am really in a bad zone this week. Well my Gram was a wonderful woman and she will be missed and i am gratfeul to have known her and had in my life as long as I did. Here than are some photos of Gram.





I will so miss you. I love you and thank you for your prayers and your love Gram...Adieu amour...

So much to do. can you beleive it? The quarter has just begun and I ahve a paper due already. Luckily it is just one page but I am working on that. It helps me forget things that hurt. School in general helps me forget things that hurt. In that vein I had to do my progress report for the government, fight with the bank on overdraft fees that were not my fault I got all my cash back too, fax this progress off which I can't do 'cause the fax machine is backed up...Right typical Kyon very very busy....

And kinda lovesick, and still grieving.... Still I suppose I am blessed for there are those with much greater problems in this world than my own...Well I figured I would give you soe photos since not many have been seen lately of me. All of you be blessed! PAIX!!!

Well well well another day, another week begginning... Aie and there has been so much going on sincethe last post. So my Bajun Grandmother, really my stepfather's ,other but my Gramm just the same is dying... And I have changed. it is very hard to watch someone you love on their deathbed. It is infact a horror and one that I pray none of you have to endure but one that I know all of you will at some point. So last week I had to return to Portland to sit with her for awhile and to hear any last words she had for me, and to say my goodbyes....She saw me and was aglad though she did ask me to promise her I made to heaven. I told her I would and she asked how I would do that, referring to my sexuality...I shurgged it off, I am not about to get into it with someone on their deathbed. I simply said:
"I came here didn't I? I am seeing you now here and I will see you then there." I cried and took her hand...She looks like a corpse with a sluggish mind... Not a zombi but certainly not my Gram Lucille "Red" Greenidge. It was difficult too watch. I returned on Saturday Night to Seattle changed. That is all I can say I am not the same person. I am different. Perhaps it was witnessing how precious life is as I was watching my Gram going thru the process of leaving it but I am changed.

I also while I was in Portland saw Demo which was great to connect with my Best Friend and I had a blast with him, htough of course the meetings were tinged with sadness it was still good to stay with him and see him. I also got to see my cousin Jomo and his wife Becca and that was awesome. They are a wonderfully spirited couple and I enjoyed hanging with them.

I returned on Sat night and went to services en Dimance pou Pacques. That wasn't a goopd day. I cried alot... I've been crying alot. For the love I have lost with the Erlking and Trumph, for Gram's eventual and all too soon death and all the suffering she is going thru....I just said to Trumph, why is it that everyone I ever love always leaves me or takes their love from me? Why do I always feel sometimes so alone, so reaching for strands of affection. Why can nothing ever be permanent...Why does not anyone stay? And do you know what? For the first time in a long time on that rainy Pacques, sitting beside me in eglise, Trumph took my hand and he hald me, he let me put my head on his shoulder, and he soothjed my fears and my sorrows and he was just available. and I then knew that he still loved me... Well I suppose I ahve known it for ahwile but this was a Trumph of old... Not so old but of old...And sooo that is to be noted...

At any rate spent thae last couple of days with Jack Frost and the Troll Major, and then last night Trumph came by Jack Frost's and I finally went home. We went out ot Red Robin for dinner on the waterfront and then back to my place and well... I was comforted.

Of course with all of this emotional upheaval they were good things that came to pass. I made the Dean's list again and my new classes just started andthey are progressing well. Well I have to mail off a progress report to the government to keep my schooling going. Keep the Greenidge Family in prayer, keep me in prayer so that I just continue to do what I am doing. Which for the time being is okay.

Oh and the last bit of news my brother and his girlfriend are expecting a little person which will make me that little person's oncle. Yes out of all the pain and heartache that is the best peice of news I ahve heard in a great while. Be blessed all of you....

I feel changed in a way that I was not before I ahve seen death creeping across Gram's body like a python of darkness, slowly constricting her. She displayed some of the dath dementia. It was horrible.