Life goes by slowly these days, well not really but perhaps colored by my experience of adjustment to my house in virignie, I am thinking that I am actually living life more and to the fullest. I experience it more than I hever think I have. So every moment is now trully precious. On one hand that's cool and on the other hand it isn't soo kool. I would rather not have this new experience to navigate. Still I am well and health is good so I am not complaining and I am adjusting, if that can be said as well as I can to this new thing. Even if I hate it. As for Gogo...Well The last thing I heard from him was him asking me never to speak to our mutual friend again....It was perhaps a lie, but I don't care now. He has taken everything tfrom me that he could and I see him now for what he chooses to be...And I have cut off communication from him. It's a hard thing all this because I feel like I have all this rage and anger and unsaid things that I want to just lash at him with but in the end I beleive it is for the best. It does no good and it certainly won't change things or benefit anyone. Not even me. Forgiveness it is not an weasy thing to choose or to walk in but once you do so, you just do it. Nuff said.
I have a new phone an I like it. First of all it does not look so ancient, secondly the plan is much cheaper than before and I like it. It's a cheap Blackberri but whatever when it comes to ophones I'm not all gadgety like that. Of course though it's great to be reconnected and slowly but surely everything the cancerworm has taken is being resotred to me. God has blessed me so much during this time and it is to him that I have found most of my peace and refuge.
Since I ahve been back I have been kinda dating. Though I don't have a boyfirend per se as much as I have suitors. One of them Mr. W
is an old piece and we are enjoying each other's company at the moment. The other is Trumph. And finally there is Soldat who lives in MO, right now but who has my attn. If for no other reason than he is not from this part of the country and plus he is charming thus far. But no serious commitments yet. I am simply not ready for that, the only person I would be ready for that would be Trumph and he still needs to be single or so he says but as of late who knows.
The world tells me still that he loves me and is still in love with me and he shows me such in little ways... I have forgiven him for the past and I could and would be willing to try it again. After all he told me we technically are not together but untechnically we are. I have no idea what that tmeans but somehow he is staking some claim to me still.
Boiz!!
I am sinply enjoying mu summer, went to a lil BBQ this weekend, hung out with MR. W, went to Twisted in Everett and just enjoyed life. Oh an last night I kikced it hard. I have to work on my alcohol intake by the way. I can't be doing too much otherwise I will hurt myself. But these days I feel fine. Still I suppose the better care I take the better I will be. OH it's just so frustrating at tiems to have to deal with this. It's like it goes away when I don't thin about it but it is so important I can't just ignore it or wish it away and it just surfaces as an issue at the worst times!! LIKE ALWAYS! ANd it is in those moment when my forgivnemss is tested and when I want to lash out and hurt others. ANd I can't, because I know how wrong it would be to do...SO I don't.
As usual I am what I am just a bubbling caudron of emotions. PH BTW JOMO MY MOTHER KNOWS NOW! Blab nothing else. Just had to let you know so you didn't do it at some inoppurtune time. So here I am. I am doing well and I living and growing. And I beleive when all is said and done I will be okay.