Another day of struggle but not soo much I am optimistic things are going all right. Somehow and I can only credit the Providence of our Lord Jesus Christ things are just falling into place for me. So I'm going to go with that and just be thankful. And I am most thankful. This whole experience with Gogo in Protland and the deaths of my Aunt and Gram have been profoundly painful for me and they almost destroyed me but I am still here and I have survived worst frankly. As for the love thing... Guyz have been hollering at a kat and I have never really been any less interested. Plus I am seeing more and more the games that are played and perhaps since my mind is colored by this latest abysmal failure with Gogo I have no patience for it.
Par example last night was enjoying some time with this nigga HabaBekele at his house. Listening to music, he made dinner, we had plans to go up to the Hill and kareoke or whatever and then some other nigga alerts him. Wants to see him. So I pooed my black ass up and left. With very little rancor but I am not in a mood to share. His excuse was something like you didn't give me head and this guy will. Well good for that nigga. I told him that I hoped his little nasty friend was killed in a fiery car crash on the way to see him. I meant it to. What I wanted to say was you are a filty slut and you already have HIV so if this is how you contracted it by bed hopping and chasing after niggas as you are begging me to fuck you then yay for you. I hope you rot from the inside out and end up a putrid shell of grossness for all the world to see. Thankfully though I didn't say it. I just thought it.
So those are guys for me...Well except for Trumph. Yes and this man is still in my life for good or ill and I think more and more for good. For some reason he was the first person I saw when I got back to Seattle. And he isthere for me when he is able. I am grateful for that.
Oh and there is some guy on FB who has been talking to me, wanting me to be his man. It's kinda wierd. His name is ___________ and I dunno i have guys do that FB flirt thing with me before but he is very...I dunno there is a tinge of desperation that I do not feel to it. I am extrmely wary of that one and for once I am glad my cell is off. I would not want him calling me whenever. That would be a bit much.
Still things need to be done and life must be reordered continue holding me up in your prayers....