Je suis fatigue... I am tired of the mal chance that seems to have invaded my life six months ago in october when all of this madness began of transition and breakups and becoming homeless than getting a place, and then loosing my job, and the list is ever growing nad endless and I am tired and I am weary and I am at my wits end. I likewise feel my faith being tested and I am pretty much over that too. I fsomething good will happen than please let it happen soon. I am tired of waiting tired or being so broke all the time, tired of all of it. This season has been degrading and worrisome and I am beginning to hate it. I am beginng to change and not in good ways. I think I am starting to despise males and view them in a way that is very base...I mean where I am at this point (which changes because I am so fucking moody it is not funny but more often than not lately I have been depressed or angry)I am like sex great miss me with the love and getting to know me, and wanting to be close... Even though I kinda of want that... ARRRGGHHH!!!! Total stream of the mind right now I am just tired! And I am enraged!

I fucking hate Trumph! I hate him someitmes! Trumph you left me you fat short bastard! You fucking selfish asshole you left me! You left me alone, on my own like a piece of garbage you foundi nthe street after 3 and half fucking years! My mind was a complete and utter fucking mess for sometimes because of that too. I had to live with strangers two sets of them for about a month and half to get my stuff back right! Part of this season has been your fault and even though we are firends I comfort you when you hurt because bitterness is dumb this whole situation still cna piss me off when I think of it! That's alrigth you little shit because in many ways your are repaing a whirlwind of what you did to me and so well... I suppose I have that vindication.

This economi situation is a small bit from the fallout of Trumph and I but loosing my job has topped the cake and I had this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that something like this would come to pass after I finally got my place, perhaps my sister is then not the only one in la famille avec la vue...I saw it to as clear as she has her visions and I thought no not me. I cannot see le Bon Dieu, my Father giving me a blessing to only deprive me of it and have me trully be homeless. Not at all! I will keep the sacarstic next line I was going to write in my mind. No sense putting it on here. BUt realy GOD WHERE ARE YOU!!!?? Because I will not go thru this again! I can't. I'd fucking rather die first! Okay not really but you understand what I mean. No I would not rather die first but still!!!!

All around me evil assed people and shady bastards and bitches prosper, people who are as amoral as Smithfield Whores do much better than I and I am just very tired. I understand now how people are being driven to do crazy shit to make it... Still I will just continue to do what I have to do even though uneployment is fucked, and I did not get that fucking tax refund last weekend, and I have not gotten job yet but been on interviews that are frankly becoming to me an exercise in futlilty!

I will keep my faith even if it almost all completley gone.