Bonjou mes amis! Ouais c'est moi Kyon ici encore juste pou vous! SO it is another day and Seattle skies are gray with a fine mist of rain falling from the sky. I'm at POCAAN awaiting instruction on the grant while blogging here. Let's see what do we have? Well last night after I finished here at POCAAN I went with Trumph to a gig he was doing at the Nectar.

When and I Trumph and I began dating long ago he used to take me to his gigs as dates. They were enjoyable, and I fell in love with his talent at them. Plus I got to see the great musical variety that the Emerald City has to offer. I was not at all dissapointed last night. Infact if anything I very much enjoyed myself. The music was bangin', the songs all with the exception of Superbad, which I've always liked.... SUPER BAA-AAD! MY favorite act had to be Soulchilde and Sirius. They were both awesome and I love how Soulchilde gets into his music. Afterwards a tried Trumph and I headed back to our perspective homes, with Trumph dropping me off at my home. He didn't send the night this time.

Trumph lately he and I have been seeing more of each other, we still occasionally do the damn thing but not lately due to my injury I can't get any zigi for a month but it's all good. A brotha is versatile I can still get da booty! Jus not from Trumph. We have been talking and he even hinted on Tuesday night about gettingback together.... Hmmmm not bvery sure on this one.

DO I love him?
Yes.
Do I desire him again sexually?
Very much so.
Am I ready to be back with him?
No. I am not. A part of me says yes but I am not. I am enjoying this now, what we're doing. There is as Mario says, NO definition and that's cool. Neither Trumph or I really are ready to be back together. The love is still there, so is the ease of relationship, and without us living together alot of the stress and evilness is gone but we are both I think or at least I am still scared. Trumph is even afraid a bit of loosing me forever. I know htis because he told me as much in so many words. He suggested briefly of me moving to Atlanta with him, which he recognized instatnly would be a disaster.

" You would end up hating me. I would loose you for good, naw that aint a good idea." he corrected himself after bringing up the idea. Which is all well and good. Flattered as I was by it, if I do go to Atlanta I would have to be single. Plus Trumph and I if we ever got togehter would have to be solid. WHy on earth would we move to another city like Atlanta, which for all it glittering beautiful males is full of HIV, Smithfield whores, and evil bitches the likes of which would proably put the most scandelous of Seattlite Black Gay Men to shame. No way. I would never tempt fate like that. Unless Trumph and I were united our relationship would be torn apart by the Atalantans, and I can't do that. Which is another thing Trumph is wanting to and planning I beleive to move to Atlanta for some time. I think it is great for him to do so, but at the same time I mindful of my heart so I do not want to get too much closer. If I let my emotions cloud my mind I would follow him just like that. So.... There you go. Trumph and I. Confusion but at the sametime now, fun and laughter. Joy. I no longer feel so wounded. I realize that this what we have now is just as good in a way as it was in the beginning when love was new, and when everything about Trumph from his eyes, to his touch thrilled me, and his every ache made me cry and wish to comfort him, andh is every move I watched with a voraciousness that only that new love feeling can give one. Y'all feel me right. IF not then you are stupid. Or I have to many trypos in this. Which might make me stupid. Ahh bien I know what I mean.

Mr. Bell gave me 4 new pornos and I am thankful for them. They are hot too. Oh come now like you don't watch porn. Hey I am not sleeping next to a male every night, and well pornos can take the edge off. I mean I am 31, the stuff I used to do and put up with to get it I hardly even consider anymore. I realize now that I can do other things like go eat, or watch a movie, or a porno, or read.

Speaking of reads.... I am reading this new to me Toni Morrisson novel called Lover. Henry the 8th gave it to me, let me have it actually saying it was hard read. I don't know how it is a hard read because the book makes sense to me. I love it. I think for all of his learning Henry the 8th is not always the brightest. But I appreciate the gift and I do see him more and more as not such a schiesskopf. Anyways Toni Morrisson has got to be my favorite Black Author well she is number 2 my number one Black Author is Maryse Conde! Love her, love her, love her! And LOVER is excellent! Check it out. It is rich like all of Toni's stuff and yes it makes your mind race and twist but hey what good book does not. Toni's books always leave me feeling like...WOW I am intellectually spent... I am awhirl in thought and at the end of each novel I read of her's I am left with a sense of quiet reflection in my soul. So get Lover by Toni Morrisson you will love it!


Well that's all nothing left to say but be blessed and for those who read this... Thank you. Thank you for hearing these thoughts my crazieness. I know I am too much sometimes but at least I am real. Adieu....