Bonjou mezs zamis. So what can I say? Where can I begin? AND should I even say anything? Sonce Ocotber 19, 2008 my life it seems has been a roller coaster of emotions, of feelings, and of experiences both good and bad... Though more of the bad than the good. I have laughed, cried in the bitter watches of the night, shivered in the dark with fear and terror of the coming dawn, ached to be held, fallen and risen again, I have made love, I have comforted those I cared for, raged with hatred and bitterness, and I have at times ached with lonlieness. I have moved 3 times, contended with an at first very smug and at times to me wretchedly confusing and confounding ex boyfriend and I have in some ways made my peace with him. I have lost my job and been at times so broke I could spit and yet still I am here.

And in my last post I cried out really to the Bon Dieu and asked GOD WILL IT NEVER END?! I meant that. It was not for pity and dramatic effect. It was a real cry for help. I was and have been so tired. I have been tired of all the stuff I have had to deal with, all the pain, all of the confusin and crazieness, and all I wanted was a little bit of calm and a respite of sanity. No more crisises! This last one the loosing of my hjob almost sent me off of the deep end. We all know how screwed up and wrong this economy is. And I do not have someone to watch my back, no live in male to be like I gotchu boo, you're gonna be alright. Yet it never fails to surprise me the well springs of strenght we can find in ourselves even when all seems bleak, nor the promises of the Bon Siegneur to come thru for us all. Et Merci Jesu for keeping me and protecting me thru all of this.

Yesterday I think for the moment I found a blessing perhaps in a new job, keeping my fingers crossed which will be nice, my unemployment I believe has been approved, and I have food to eat. All in all I have learned to count my blessings and I am surpised to find that they are enough.

As for males.... Well.... I don't want to jinx this but I met someone yesterday and we went out last night and I have not had a better date since Trumph and I ended in all these times and days. His name is Tharcisse and he is handsome, seems kind, and I really like him. He just seems to be I dunno right... not like Mr. Right but just he seems to be what I don't know. I feel things but not so deep I did just meet him. But he was so sweet and he seems to like me alot too. So I suppose to say in short, I guess The Bon Dieu works it all out and he is real and I just continuing to trust and believe in him.

And above all else in spite of everything these last 5 months I am still okay. Au revoir mes amis be good to yourselves and each other my luvs.