There are so many reason sometimes that males confound the hell out of me not the least of them being that males are so freaking strange. Let me xplain. We males or atleast those masculine and hypermasculine ones are like a paradox in everything to me. First they want you and chase you down like your some gazelle then when they get you, they leave and or they get you but they want someone else or they don't know what they want but wait they want to still have sex you with or whatever. This is the first scenario of males I have been dealing with sic Trumph my ex.

Or some males insist they are not attracted to you but they want all of your time way more so than your good Judy boy friend, they get angry at you if you make other plans especially when they are drunk, they want to know... No they demand to know who you are sleeping with as if they are and they get all butt hurt when you decide not to indulge in the dance of their narcissm with them especially if they are not attracted to you or at least they insist that they are but everytime you fight the whole world thinks you guys are fucking... Sic Javiav!

Some males are wishy washy and confused that have no idea what they are doing or what they want and you sometimes feel stupid for even fucking slightly with them. But then again hey you are such a sucker for males who are bigger in girth or size then you are...Sic Myk.

Some males just want to fuck but instead of saying that they have to lie about it and actually attempt to show interest in you, interest they oftentimes have difficulty maintaining if you are not a stupid slut. If you're a stupid rowdy slut or some Smithfield Whore you already have their attention because you are more than likely sucking their dick or letting them shove their dick up your ass or whatever. If not then they have to wait. Here is my thing if you want to fuck me or wahtever just say that. U aint gotta lie to kick it for real you don't. Like if you want it and I like you, and we've got condoms okay we can do the damn thing. Aint not thing just please don't lie. I don't need anyone trying to emotionally manipulate me. Sic... Way too many males I have met in this life.

And then some males are perfect so you think and you get with them. And then. Mon Grand Met and then they turn all crazy or violent on you and you have 2 choices. Leave them or murder them. I wish I could've murdered the man who beat on me. I didn't though, it would've been really messy and unexpediant. Instead I left but the scars from that time still haunt me to this day. Fists can leave so much more than bruises and broken bones.

I guess that's all. It laways makes me laugh when straight women and some men think or dating and relationship lives are so much easier than theirs. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Gay and Bisexual men are pieces of work, I should know I am one of htem and I have at times have been some of those males but not often. Usually I am not. Dating is not easy and I am starting to like not like it. It is starting to be.... A painful chore. God this season of transition. Will it never end.


Confounding males. Confounding males I swear.

B. Scott Proclaims Be Grateful For What You Have (S2:11)

Sometimes we just have to hear some positive messages like this. Myself included.

So I had this interview today which I fucking struggled to get and youi have no idea the elements in Seattle are no joke I despise the rain heree sometimes. However I got a tour of the place, ment the staff, and got the job description which seems to be things I am qualified to do, and I think I charmed the head person so... Keep your fingers crossed, say a prayer for me, and here is to hoping.

New York Post apologizes for Obama Cartoon aka Monkey murdered in CT

This is hilarious but true take a looksey

Silverhawks - 24 - The Fighting Hawks 3/3

The finale

Silverhawks - 24 - The Fighting Hawks 2/3

Part 2

Silverhawks - 23 - Zeek's Fumble 3/3

The finale

Silverhawks - 23 - Zeek's Fumble 2/3

Part 2

Silverhawks - 23 - Zeek's Fumble 1/3

Here is a cartoon today the Slverhawks just for you guyz! Enjoy!

So I forgave that male I ranted about from yesterday. Also had a lovely evening last night running the streets of Seattle with my people. So yes I fogave him and he forgave me. And now all is well. And I had a great breakfast and then I watched Nanking. Good movie about Japanese war crimes, specifically the Rape of Nanking or Nanjing in 1937. If you have not seen it chewck it out. It is moving and illuminating. Then I just kinda chilled nad now I'm blogging. All in all an okay day. AND I stll have my JAYSURS JUICE LEFT!!!!! WOOOOHOOOOO!!!!! Paix mes zamis!!!

Tank - Please Don't Go - (www.IHip-Hop.com)

Even though in reposne to the rant I am not so evil. I was wrong, where is my forgiving spirt. Maybe my rage just aint worth it, so maybe I should apologize to him for being so hateful. Even though he totally started it. But... No i will say sorry. As for this song it has nothing to do with the rant except for thae fact that it deals with regrets and I realized just now with this person he is and has been inspite of faults and alright person. So maybe I should value that friendship.

A RANT AT THE MAN WHO HIT ME LAST NIGHT

I hate you! I hate you because of all those fucking lies you have told about me around this city! You have told people that Trumph physically abused me! You have told several people in and outside of our circle that I am a prostitue and have sex with men for money and drugs! You have claimed once that I had sex with you while we were both in an altered state! You have smiled in my face and told these lies to whoever would listen to them for a long time now and i have always shut my mouth and smiled at you. I was gave you a pass because of my issues. Which I always hated doing but I did it because I like peace but you are a fuckin peace of work!!! Because you are a drug addict who is somehow a drug counselor. Which kills me. You do crystal meth and then attempt to get people to stop doing it!!!! R U fucking kidding me!

Because after Trumph and I broke up you tried to make a pass at me and I told you then I thought you were fucking disgusting and I do. You are fat, you stutter like some backwards retard, you stink because your fat ass is always in the same clothes or you have meth shit seeping out of your pores. You are disgusting, you are prutrid, you are a liar, you are a looser and I hate you.

So yes I was drunk last night when you came over and Javiav should not have even met with you that night but I have been feeling all this for a while and so yes all my evilness came out and you punched me. Well because I was drunk it didn't hurt, right away at least and I suppose I had that coming. But I despise you from this day forward you fat, evil, backwards bastard and I am going to fix you and I don't have to touch you to do it. You left a piece of hair over here last nite you ass!!!

Have you never met a Creole before?! Don't you know what we are known for! Do you not know the lengths a Creole Man or Woman will go thru to be avenged!!?? Non you don't but I promise you will very soon.

I hate you with a passion and I will watch and wait until you slip up and then I will deal with you. And I can't fucking beleive I fed your fat ass last nite too!!! OHHHHHH! Je te deteste! Je te deteste!!!!

J Holiday -

So these are some videos fro you Mr. Man some songs of amour for you and I trhink you know who you are So here is number 1.

Bonjou mes zamis, aujourd'hui nous avons un fete diner pou rien. just because Terry and I want too. We are cooking chicken which is marinading in 2 sauces. Lemon Pepper and Herb and Roasted Garlic. It will taste delicious of course we seasoned the chicken already so it will be very easy. It will just be I suppose the 4 of us, Terry, Jai, Dante, and myself. Well maybe not dante but we have to leave food for him. I have resolved to be nice to him even though sometimes je pense il est un cul. mais parfois je suis un cul aussi. So wish us a good one et bon appetit!!!!

You wanna know a secret? There's this boy and I think he likes me. Like for a boyfriend. His name is ____ and sometimes when we are out he buys me stuff to drink and gives me kisses and stuff. And I Like him too. And I am just enjoying that for right now. He is good guy and I think I could fall for him.... I think I could. But don't tell _______ him okay. 'Cause 'cause I don't want him to know that yet okay? Okay? 'Cause I do like him for a boyfriend I just am not wanting to tell him that yet. But he sure is pretty.....Sigh!

Chava Alberstein - Melache Meluche

This song always makes me smile.
Melokhe Melukhe

Ver se veyst nit, ver se veyst nit,
Zol atsindert visn:
Vi shver un biter,
Karg un shiter
S'kumt undz on der bisn..
Hey, lebedik freylekh
Lebedik freylekh
Vos iz do der khidesh?
Melokhe-melukhe,
Zingt bimnukhe
A lidele a yidshs
Bin ikh mir a shusterl,
Klap ikh mir a flekl
Ongeton a fartekhl,
Darf ikh nit keyn rekl..

Zits ikh oyfn benkele,
Tantst bay mir der hamer
Hob ikh nit keyn shtibele,
Voyn ikh in a kamer

Gist un gist a regndl,
Vakst un vakst di blote
Zits ikh oyfn benkele,
Un lateve a late

Wrong Lover - J Holiday Feat Rick Ross (2008) With LYRICS

I love this song so I hope you guyz enjoy.

Bonjou mezs zamis. So what can I say? Where can I begin? AND should I even say anything? Sonce Ocotber 19, 2008 my life it seems has been a roller coaster of emotions, of feelings, and of experiences both good and bad... Though more of the bad than the good. I have laughed, cried in the bitter watches of the night, shivered in the dark with fear and terror of the coming dawn, ached to be held, fallen and risen again, I have made love, I have comforted those I cared for, raged with hatred and bitterness, and I have at times ached with lonlieness. I have moved 3 times, contended with an at first very smug and at times to me wretchedly confusing and confounding ex boyfriend and I have in some ways made my peace with him. I have lost my job and been at times so broke I could spit and yet still I am here.

And in my last post I cried out really to the Bon Dieu and asked GOD WILL IT NEVER END?! I meant that. It was not for pity and dramatic effect. It was a real cry for help. I was and have been so tired. I have been tired of all the stuff I have had to deal with, all the pain, all of the confusin and crazieness, and all I wanted was a little bit of calm and a respite of sanity. No more crisises! This last one the loosing of my hjob almost sent me off of the deep end. We all know how screwed up and wrong this economy is. And I do not have someone to watch my back, no live in male to be like I gotchu boo, you're gonna be alright. Yet it never fails to surprise me the well springs of strenght we can find in ourselves even when all seems bleak, nor the promises of the Bon Siegneur to come thru for us all. Et Merci Jesu for keeping me and protecting me thru all of this.

Yesterday I think for the moment I found a blessing perhaps in a new job, keeping my fingers crossed which will be nice, my unemployment I believe has been approved, and I have food to eat. All in all I have learned to count my blessings and I am surpised to find that they are enough.

As for males.... Well.... I don't want to jinx this but I met someone yesterday and we went out last night and I have not had a better date since Trumph and I ended in all these times and days. His name is Tharcisse and he is handsome, seems kind, and I really like him. He just seems to be I dunno right... not like Mr. Right but just he seems to be what I don't know. I feel things but not so deep I did just meet him. But he was so sweet and he seems to like me alot too. So I suppose to say in short, I guess The Bon Dieu works it all out and he is real and I just continuing to trust and believe in him.

And above all else in spite of everything these last 5 months I am still okay. Au revoir mes amis be good to yourselves and each other my luvs.

Well I have been quiety as of late and I will be for ahwile untilk things right themselves. You see I lost my job recently and I have just fallen into a great depression. I feel so tired. I feel like Elis De Vries nee Rachel Stein in Zwaart Boek when she finds out that Muntze has just been executed by those Nazi Schlopfs and she screams:

MY GOD WILL IT EVER END!!??? Ouais, juste comme ca. I feel just like that. Since October the 19 I have lost my home and boyfirend all at once. In loosing Trumph I have also lost Bumpalump, I haven't seen him since late Oct. So all at once I lost my family and home. Moved in with others, finally got a place in Dec, just rebuilding and now this happens!!! MY GOD WILL IT EVER END!!???

I need a break. I meed to not have this stress, I need to be able to breath and just have things go right for me. And it is so hard now, and I am not whining I am just feeling so low. Valentine's Day is approaching and never have I felt more alone than now. This season has just been much too long and I wish it to be over. This season of ill luck and break ups and new beginings or endings or whatever the fuck you wanna call it. I want just something good to happen. Can something good just happen? Please tell me God when will it all end?

Fresh Approach Meets MrKyon

This is an interview I gave to Shaun on Fresh Approach take a listen and learn more abut me.