Thursday, November 06, 2008

Wed Oct 28, 2008
Bonjou vas tous? How goes it with all of you? By now if you are reading this you have deduced I hope at least, that Trumph and I have broken up. If you haven’t hen you’re stupid. Yes you are. Sorry I have to lash out at something. Right now I ‘m staying with John and Kim in Kent a suburb outside of my beloved Seattle. It’s nice house, I have my own room for the moment but I absolutely despise the whole situation. Meanwhile Trumph I assume is back with his mother in the same neighborhood that we left. How do I feel you may be asking? Trumph and I were together for 4 years total. How do I feel? I feel strange… I am confused. Every emotion is bubbling under my skin and racing through my blood. Some moments I feel relieved. I am single again, I can see who I want, and I can find a man who has the qualities that I want at least the ones that Trumph lacked. On the other hand I feel a great grief. Trumph loved me and he says he still does and I do love him it’s just the problems we had became too great. I miss his presence especially at night. He is not beside me and I feel so lonely. The loneliness is killing me. I never knew that silence could be so loud or at least I don’t remember how loud it was.
At night l lay in this hard bed by myself and have only myself now to comfort me. It’s hard none of this is easy. Still I tell myself it’s for the best. My mom called me last night and we talked and she was like well you seem alright…But it was a serious front. I suppose even in some of my private moments I still believe the appearance of strength is vital. Yet I feel so empty and I want to be held. I could care less if you think it’s bitching or whatever I do. I want someone to hold me and tell me it will be alright. Well that and I wanna have sex too. I do it’s been awhile and my body feels on fire too. So you see I am feeling everything and nothing makes sense.

Then there is Javiav. Aie mo Grand Met, sicre, beau, and powerful towering Javiav. I am falling for him. I have been for sometime, and I accepted friendship because of Trumph and because of Javiav being such a gentleman. That helped. However now that I am single…? And I believe Javiav has feelings. For me no scratch that shit he does. It was no more evident this weekend and my God Javiav how I owe you a debt. I do feel things for him, more than just lust….And that scares me. For 2 reasons.

1. I need some time but I also want some of him. I want this to be something good not shitty so I have to hold back for some time but I love being around him. I do like his company most of the time. This leads me to issue 2.
2. Javiav is from da block as he always tells me. Not a bad thing, some guyz are I get that. However some of the things that linger from those bygone days is a temper that can sweep aside any and everything in an instant. Javiav especially when he’s had a bit to sip can go from 0 to 10 in no time at all. And he gets angry. Now with such males in the past with careful conciliatory gestures and not a little bit of tongue biting myself I have been able to calm them down. Not with this male. I have had that rage affixed upon me a little bit and it does not feel good. Especially because Javiav can be so damn suspicious though as he says he does not trust readily or easily. So it is a dilemma for me. Javiav has a lot of the qualities I want in a man sans the temper but that is a big thing to me plus it’s the timing.

All I can do is take everything one step at a time. That is all I can do.

1 comment:

That Dude Right There said...

I think it would be best to leave Javiav all the way alone!!! You already know what's going to happen!

Salut Mes Zamis Sak Passe!

Wassup Folkz this is me Kyon Saucier also known as Mr Kyon on A4A or Creole Elf on BGC.... Aww come on now like none of y'all are ever on those sites, yeah you are 'cause I've seen you... LOL!

Enter my world for a second... What? Huh? Well yes there are Black People in the NW and yes we have a vibrant culture up here. I mean naw Seattle aint Atlanta or NYC or DC or Chicago or any other city with a huge Black Population, but it's my home and there are few places as beautiful... Not too mention in all of the NW Seattle and Tacoma have the highest Black Population. So come on enter the world of Kyon....Yon Yon Yon.... Sigh. I was trying to make an echo sound. Now look I I know I got some typos and things so be patient with me folkz.... Cause I get excited when I write... Okay there is no excuse 'cept that it's my page I do what I want! *smile*


C'EST MOI! IT'S ME!

C'EST MOI!  IT'S ME!
Sak Passe? WAZZUUUUUPPPPP!

Bishop

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Yeah when I was younger I could've been considered a geek. Always my eyes fixed upon a world none could see. Always seeking to escape from the mundane things of this life.

But a geek I think of as dreamer, someone one who delights in things outside of the ordinary.

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And why not? Dreams were not meant for the sleeping times

For the ordinary world need not be such a boring place. There's always more than enough room for the things that make one smile.

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Blood Elven Prince
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Adieu mes zamis....

Adieu mes zamis....
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