Friday, January 29, 2010
Salut mes amis...I am feeling at this moment depressed. My money situation this month has been extremely difficult, I had to ask the Erlking to borrow some cash and I dunno I feel bad about that... I actually lost some money. Alot of it I know can you bleive that. I am a klutz and half. That and well I am trying to give him some space because we said we would take things slower and then I just lately have been feeling like...Well okay so I was speaking with a classmate yesterday and he was just like you know doesn't it seem like since we got into school stuff has just gotten so much harder... And I agreed with him. Don't get me wrong I am well aware of the blessings I've been given with this opp...And I do not knock that at all. Mais Mon Dieu this has been a very difficult experience at times. I hate being broke all the time! I hate that I do not yet have a job because if I start working I will totally jeopordize my schooling! I am tired of being that guy who rarely has anything in his pockets. It makes me feel less of un homme. I wish the Erlking was here to just hold me now. And he is not and I feel like crying right now....Aie aie aie.
It just seems like for the right steps forward I take like what 20 backwards. And I feel like that character Corey in the Ski Trip "Every Gay Man's Nightmare"! Yet I have great friends, I have people in my life that I know love me even when I am unlovable, muy parents are all living, I am not ill or sick with naything.... I am survivor of so many things and it could be worse.
I could be living in Port au Prince or Logoane or Jacmel right now. I could be homeless or living in a war zone or a really bad ghetto environment and not the so so one I live in here in Seattle. Still I am just having a moment when I am feeling hopeless. I mean even my problems though perhaps not so great when compared to others are still for me significant at this moment. And I know this will not be forever but Dieu it feels like it. Am I whining because that is not my intent and usually on here I attempt to focus on the positive but this month has seemed like torture for me. I just feel crazy sometimes....
I know I kinda look crazy there don't I with the glowing eyes and all.
I want to be economically secure and working I want it all done right now, this schooling I want to stop being this poverty stricken student. Because for real it does not feel me with pride all the time...I am not having a pity party I am just feeling not so great right now.... Yet I know thiws too shall pass... I just hope it passes soon.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Si parfois mes azmis il ya des choses de cette vie that you just can't hope to escape both good and bad. Si premier le mal. So the Erlking and I had a discussion about some things this weekend mainly the fact that sometimes I can drink alot and get kinda incapacitated. He hates that. I mean boi does he hate it and that happened in Portland last weekned and it was a source of contention. See I don't always tell y'all everything if for nothing else than the value of a good story. See the Erlking's father has a problem with the bottle and when he sees me likethat which mind you isn't by far a daily occurence it makes him feel "as if my dad is right there next to me." I didn't and I so I learned that and vowed to not be that. We talked about how his yes are the windows to his soul and they tell everything even the things he will not at the time say good and bad. We discussed us and maybe taking this a bit slower not to say we will not see each other but just taking it slower. We ingeneral had a good convo and a nice time this weekend. I had to say that I did not feel or like it when he used racial slurs against other folkz when he got angry. He does that sometimes... Please now let me be clear I love the erlking and I see all the good in him but it will not stop me from pointing out not so cute traits he has. Nor does it mean I need anyone;s help in condmening him for it okay. Got it folkz?! Good. Anywho it was kool jst to have a really deep discussion. Maeve, the Erlking, and I also talked about our hopes our fears or dreams, and the stuff that I think happenes in every BGMs life that at times can make you feel like does nayone else feel this. Are wethe only one's who fear this or that? It was for me good to have those conversations. At that moment more sure than any I know that the Winter COurt folkz are really my folkz. It was good.
Went to a meeting at Liberation our eglise to discuss planning some relief things for Hati. It went well we are going to be having a special service on the 28 of Feb for that purpose and Lady Maeve of course is on the planning commitee. I am supposed to be apart of the service as well. I'm excited. Oh and I am also in March organizing with other members of my Advocacy Class Group a DV= Domestic Violence Forum a thing which I am really excited about. So you see I will be very busy these cmoing weeks. But that is okay and good. I feel good about what I am doing and hope both things will turn out right and make a difference. I mean really that is what life is about. Making differences. Giving to others in some way and making this world that can be so rotten and cold better, brighter and warmer. And we all have apart we can play in that process. So I ask the question in these next 2 months what will be the part you play? Adieu mes zamis....
Friday, January 22, 2010
The Erlking of the Wyldfae and Queen Mab
Queen Mab and Lady Maeve
Queen Mab and Grimalkin
Queen Mab and Lord Viltostat with his mortal lover. That Viltostat sure is beguiling.
Queen Mab and the Winter Knight
The Erlking and Puck
And now to all of your merry mortals I, Queen Mab ruler of the Unseelie Fae, Monarch of the Court of Winter and Empress of Air and Darkness bids you adieu. Have a good weekend and try to stay warm.....
Au revoir mes zamis....
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Bonjou guyz in blogland. I in the library right now killing time and bloggin. So the new relationship between Queen Mab (that's me) and The Erlking is going well. We went to Portland this last weekeend and we had fun for the most part. There was one lil moment of unpleasantness but it has passed. I am realizing though again that relationships are work. Even when they are still new et all that. I am having to get to know a new man again and it can for me difficult. Especially because I have been so independant since Trumph and I have broken up. I basically did what I wanted and even when I was digging a male I didn't get rid of my other ones...You understand. But I have now and I am fully commited to this budding relationship....I just hope I don't get my heart broke again. Cause I really like him.I actually love him.... And he loves me...Oh the fear of it all.
School is going well it will be alot of work this quarter so I have to stay ion top of things but so far all is well. Classes are not too demanding and I don't have any dumb asses in any of them which is an improvement because I have had stupids in my classes previously. U know I find some things so funny as I being to age and leave that unsure and super shy and scared boi who was always comparing himself to others behind and come into who Kyon is. I say that to explain that yesterday I was on FB and hadan old acquantice that I seriously crush for start a convo with me. I chatted with him for a moment and read as he called me sexxy and all ces choses comme ca, but I was not moved. I was like in my head ur a meth head and just got out of prison...Ur bad news and I could give a fuck about a crush on you in my 20's those times are over. I never said thios stuff to him I just thought it. I don't know asI get older I can just see more and more about of the bs people attempt and I just do not want to deal with. C'est la vie I guess....
Well all in all things are good and I feel good....Well that is all I suppose have a good day guyz and adieu!!
I like this too I guyss I can be kinda music addict yes? Ahh bien.
I like this too
I like this!
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Of course you guyz know I can never missthe chance to showcase a parody
I love this Song and Shawn QT does this video for us. And he does as usal a good job. This is the Neyo Version! And boi can I relate to the words. Check him out at the Five Black Guys channel on Youtube.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Wednesday, January 06, 2010
Si Bonjou mes hommes et dames.... It just wouldn't be me unles I started off this new year without a post of my overall insanity now would it? Of course not. So here it is.... Life is kinda crazy, my rent is late due to checks being late andI have to pay a late fee which I don't like. The school messed up on my book money again and I misread my schedule and missed the first day of one my classes yesterday but not after shwoing up the day before (Lundi/Monday) in a class I thought I had and was not even registered for and sitting there like a moron for a half hour because I hadto wait for an apporopriate time (accoridng to Erock) to leave the class. Erock called me a moron too. Yeah well I got him back last night and called him a big ole perv because well he is one sometimes.
We went out last night to the Purr which is this cocktail lounge on Capitol Hill... It wants to be swanky and supposedly only the upscale homos go there but I don't think it is. The clientele are mostly middle class on the lower end White guyz and snow queens, half of whom are freaking moche. Erock likes to go there and I go with him because Tuesdays is Kareoke night and we love to sing out loud. Ran into some friends Mr Dj and Chapeau Blanc and we all asang. Me and Mr Dj sang Don't You Mess with My Man and we did good. Than Erock dragged me to the Crescent for another drink I have no idea why we did this I think Erock was on a mission and then we crashed at his apt. it was all in all a good night. Now before then I was of course spending the holidays with the Erlking in Tacoma well all of the Winter Court as well. Things between are us are going really well. He met my mom and stepdad and mom's fam... Well my family you know what I mean. Yeah I know and it was good. I feel pretty happy about that and oh I made the Deans list again. I mean for all my issues this year is mos def starting off better than the last and for that I am grateful to God. Well that's it for now adieu mes zamis and be blessed.
Salut Mes Zamis Sak Passe!
Enter my world for a second... What? Huh? Well yes there are Black People in the NW and yes we have a vibrant culture up here. I mean naw Seattle aint Atlanta or NYC or DC or Chicago or any other city with a huge Black Population, but it's my home and there are few places as beautiful... Not too mention in all of the NW Seattle and Tacoma have the highest Black Population. So come on enter the world of Kyon....Yon Yon Yon.... Sigh. I was trying to make an echo sound. Now look I I know I got some typos and things so be patient with me folkz.... Cause I get excited when I write... Okay there is no excuse 'cept that it's my page I do what I want! *smile*