Bonjou mes zamis! Yest it has been quite awhile in fact the last I spoke to y'all was last year. Wow that's like 6 months about. So alot has happened. I am first of all in excellent health which is important and I am in some ways a better place mentally than before. Not so much doom and gloom as before but very much still in the struggle. I am now doing my internship at POCAAN which is at times a little boring but I am gaining experience and I am enjoying my work there. I just need to get paid by someone. As usual money is forever a problem but I somehow manage to live my life and get by, by God's Grace. In fact tomorrow I am going to be doing a great deal of work at my internship which should be pretty exciting. Wish me luck and pray for increased favor. And hopefully that all this will pay off with a job and night classes for my bachelors in 2012 and 2013. I am so hopeful it all is seeming to come together finally the light in the tunnel is so much brighter. It has been a journey filled with tears, frustration,m tired nights, long days and it is not over yet but I have made it this far.

Amour:
I really at times feel like Bo the Succubus on Lost Girl and I am loving that show by the way. Even though I am a guys so I would be an Incubus Fae right? At any rate I still have Mr W and Trumph both in my life though Mr. W more so these days and Trumph less. Both have their different points but with both I feel that I can't choose to fully commit to either of them. The fact that I share history with both males is part of the problem both of them burned me and I am not holding a grudge about that fact but in my mind for both of them it made me wary and unwilling to really lower my guard again. I love them both but I prefer to love at a distance. I am still not really in a trusting mode. Plus both are transitioning though at what rate how I can't tell. Trumph is a far cry from the man I fell in love with. He is weaker, more easily hurt and his mind is at times scattered. With him I feel love but I feel overwhelmed like how can I possibly stem the tide of emotion with him because he feels so much that is as if you are drowning with him. I must admit at times the emotional force, the unrestrained rawness of how he feels is so overwhelming that it unsettles me. I am still getting myself on the right path as far as my feelings on certain matters so yes it at times frightens me.
Then we have Mr. W who I love but who is unlike Trumph not the brightest bulb in the bunch. He is also jealous in a way that Trumph never was and I dislike that. Yes by the way I know that I at times can be jealous but I show my claws to those who have earned that privilege. Mr. W also feels deeply but I don't know... He does not understand me I think the way Trumph does. Bah okay no more of the males... Well wait okay I will say this I am in my mind unattached. I do what I wish within reason and I am not messy about what I do. If another male came my way and swept me off my feet like _____ or someone else I would not be opposed to it but I am not looking for what I have going on to change nor I am trying to fall head over heels. In fact Mr. W called me a player which I found ironic and somewhat comical because never have I been given that appellation nor have I thought of my self as such. How time changes things?

The Winter Court is no more. Lady Maeve has left Seattle for Cali and Titania now lives back in Chitown. The Summer Knight Erock has left for Miami and I barely ever see the ErlKing these days (as if I would), all has changed but we are still friends on FB though I long to see Titania and I do miss her. Being broke does not have any advantages...





I am loving tv though for some reason I stay home a little bit more and actually watch certain shows. Walking Dead, Being Human, Lost Girl, and Friday Night Cartoon on Cartoon Network are my teledictions which is cool. I am loving these shows and thoroughly enjoying them. Especially Lost Girl, which is sexy and fun for me. I am all over anything to do with the Fairy Folk so of course. I am Mab still and still known to be the Queen of the Winter Court. That has not changed but it is a lot harder to like have little alter egos when half of your friends are gone. Oh well life is change and we must adapt.



Oh and by now you know unless you live under a rock that Whitney Houston is gone. Died last Saturday afternoon. Tragic and sad and a voice that we will never hear again. I actually shed a tear, not because I knew her for I did not, but because her choices were what got her at times into trouble and having struggled with addiction I know how it can be. She was a reality check not because I need one right now either but because sometimes you just need to reminded look where you could be. At any rate I hope she is singing to the Lord now and has been made new and I pray her daughter is okay.

So there alot has been taking place but I am still here and you know what I am blessed it is Valentines Day and I am alone and I feel damn good. Life is good and I am happy and even though I have my problems and issues I am glad to be me and so I am so thankful. Show some love to those you feel it for tonight and all be blessed. Adieu and thanks for reading guyz!