Amel Larrieux- Weary

ME AND HONEY BEY (Telephone Official Music Video Skit)

So today is a new day and a hard week I Feel like I am cracking up. I was sick last week and missed some classes, than on Sunday Night my Gram died. These days have been difficult to say the least. I am feeling horrid to be honest and not sure where I am going to land...Death, fainlity, heaven and hell, pain... Sickness oh yes that because I broke out in a rash over my forehead eyelids and ears...I know not really all that lovely. I still have that cold too. Everything is hitting me all at once and I am just like ARRRRGHHHHH!!!! Stop world stop. Please just stop. Oh and of course thanks to B of A I am having money troubles. I am really in a bad zone this week. Well my Gram was a wonderful woman and she will be missed and i am gratfeul to have known her and had in my life as long as I did. Here than are some photos of Gram.





I will so miss you. I love you and thank you for your prayers and your love Gram...Adieu amour...

So much to do. can you beleive it? The quarter has just begun and I ahve a paper due already. Luckily it is just one page but I am working on that. It helps me forget things that hurt. School in general helps me forget things that hurt. In that vein I had to do my progress report for the government, fight with the bank on overdraft fees that were not my fault I got all my cash back too, fax this progress off which I can't do 'cause the fax machine is backed up...Right typical Kyon very very busy....

And kinda lovesick, and still grieving.... Still I suppose I am blessed for there are those with much greater problems in this world than my own...Well I figured I would give you soe photos since not many have been seen lately of me. All of you be blessed! PAIX!!!

Well well well another day, another week begginning... Aie and there has been so much going on sincethe last post. So my Bajun Grandmother, really my stepfather's ,other but my Gramm just the same is dying... And I have changed. it is very hard to watch someone you love on their deathbed. It is infact a horror and one that I pray none of you have to endure but one that I know all of you will at some point. So last week I had to return to Portland to sit with her for awhile and to hear any last words she had for me, and to say my goodbyes....She saw me and was aglad though she did ask me to promise her I made to heaven. I told her I would and she asked how I would do that, referring to my sexuality...I shurgged it off, I am not about to get into it with someone on their deathbed. I simply said:
"I came here didn't I? I am seeing you now here and I will see you then there." I cried and took her hand...She looks like a corpse with a sluggish mind... Not a zombi but certainly not my Gram Lucille "Red" Greenidge. It was difficult too watch. I returned on Saturday Night to Seattle changed. That is all I can say I am not the same person. I am different. Perhaps it was witnessing how precious life is as I was watching my Gram going thru the process of leaving it but I am changed.

I also while I was in Portland saw Demo which was great to connect with my Best Friend and I had a blast with him, htough of course the meetings were tinged with sadness it was still good to stay with him and see him. I also got to see my cousin Jomo and his wife Becca and that was awesome. They are a wonderfully spirited couple and I enjoyed hanging with them.

I returned on Sat night and went to services en Dimance pou Pacques. That wasn't a goopd day. I cried alot... I've been crying alot. For the love I have lost with the Erlking and Trumph, for Gram's eventual and all too soon death and all the suffering she is going thru....I just said to Trumph, why is it that everyone I ever love always leaves me or takes their love from me? Why do I always feel sometimes so alone, so reaching for strands of affection. Why can nothing ever be permanent...Why does not anyone stay? And do you know what? For the first time in a long time on that rainy Pacques, sitting beside me in eglise, Trumph took my hand and he hald me, he let me put my head on his shoulder, and he soothjed my fears and my sorrows and he was just available. and I then knew that he still loved me... Well I suppose I ahve known it for ahwile but this was a Trumph of old... Not so old but of old...And sooo that is to be noted...

At any rate spent thae last couple of days with Jack Frost and the Troll Major, and then last night Trumph came by Jack Frost's and I finally went home. We went out ot Red Robin for dinner on the waterfront and then back to my place and well... I was comforted.

Of course with all of this emotional upheaval they were good things that came to pass. I made the Dean's list again and my new classes just started andthey are progressing well. Well I have to mail off a progress report to the government to keep my schooling going. Keep the Greenidge Family in prayer, keep me in prayer so that I just continue to do what I am doing. Which for the time being is okay.

Oh and the last bit of news my brother and his girlfriend are expecting a little person which will make me that little person's oncle. Yes out of all the pain and heartache that is the best peice of news I ahve heard in a great while. Be blessed all of you....

I feel changed in a way that I was not before I ahve seen death creeping across Gram's body like a python of darkness, slowly constricting her. She displayed some of the dath dementia. It was horrible.

I am begining to loathe Seattle and some of the people that breathe it's air alobng side of me. Oh my God these males are wierd as hell and I am slowly becoming completelty dissuaded of any of the merits this place has but it's beauty. Which is fleeting due to the rain and grey skies that even now in early printmeps is coming to us.

Wheere do I start. The Erlking does not for his own reasons have any contact with me or has not as of late. That has bothered me some I can't lie. Yes I do still love him for whatever that is worth. I am irritated by him though I can't deny that and I have a feeling well why even voice it? He is occupying to much time on this post rightn ow anyways.

Javiav is back and while it has been interesting I am beginning once again to remember why I stayed away from him for so long. He is starting with that flirty I like you but I don't crap and these days I am so not into it. I spent the night before last at his house and he was just like you know trying little shit. He picked me up at one pint on his knee, he kissed me at least twice...Little tease me kisses and he kept kind of molesting me. I was half in a mind to be like why not igf he goes there it could be good and then like no...He is too much for me and would I really want to even go down that road. I don't. I could never sleep with him really....Not because he is not handsome. It is because he's crazy to me. His temper is out of control and I could never get used to it. He irritated me to getting me all the way to Burien and then making me cathc the bus back , waiting in the fucking cold for 2 hours. I thought I was going to freeze to death. Penible. Arrgh!

In the new place I am living we have a rat living in the house. It is not a pet. I have seen it twice. Well no I have seen it once, and today while I was on the couch watching the tele, something furry passed under my butt. Yes it was the muthafuckin' rat! I freaking screamed and bloted up the stairs and almost broke my neck. I don't like rats or mice. I do not like that shit and it has fucked me up! Truthfully I can't fucking sit on the damned couch without shaking. Yeah it's not the truth.

I want to kiss LM Ross. His poetry is beautiful and so is he. I do.

I am taking a vacation so help me. I am going to check out the ATL. I am going to try to relax and have a rodent free day! At least that is the hope. OH I did well this quarter or at least I think I did. Grades come out on Monday let us hope they went well.

That is all I ahve to report. My God my god my god...Arggh I can still feel that dam rat!

An Age for Justice: Confronting Elder Abuse in America

This is something that needs to be discussed and addressed! Check this out.

I have been extremely busy as of late the quarter is ending and I ahve been doing papers getting ready for finals etc. i am well though and life is not bad....I am just extremely busy. Be blessed and I hope all of you are well.

Keke Wyatt After The Stabbing and Uncensored

A very intersting album

kelly price - At Least (the Little Things) - Mirror Miror

nice song

Ajami - Academy Award Nominee Best Foreign Language Film

This looks excellent

Cheb Khaled Feat. Melissa-Benti-Arabic Music (Watch In HD Widescreen)

Cool song

Mariah Carey - Long Ago

love this song.

Shanice - You Can Bounce

Everyone can bounce cause I am thanks to the plan I am following. It is coming along.

I am moving. Kyon, Queen Mab, Mary, whatever names I have used on this Blog I am leaving Seattle. It is most definately time to leave. So there it is my dears let's hope the universe gives me the green light

Jazmine Sullivan - Dream Big

However there is a positive side. I am taking this pain and the gifts he gave me, of further ambition of respecting me and never judging me of my past, of respect for my intelleigence, of loving the fact that I went to school, his generosity, his thoughtfulness, his making me want to do and be better and I am leaving Seattle within 2 years. I wll finish my schooling and I will leave for where I my big dreams will be realized. I will never be hurt around these circumstances as exist in Seattle and Tacoma again. Who knows I may see him again when my big dreams have come to fruition and then who knows.

Case - Missing You (Best Quality)

And now even though I know that soon I can see him again I am heartbroke and I am missing him. I wish he was here to hold me. So ends the tale of Queen Mab and the Erlking.

Usher - Final Goodbye (1994)

So he said goodbye to this aspect of us.... For his sanity as much mine.... And so it eneed and now I am broken down though I respect his honesty and truth... I still hurt. And I hate it....

Musiq - Halfcrazy

I had no idea that that was really his mind at times. He would never tell me and I wish he had.

all this love - el debarge.avi

Three days before the night we broke up... My God this hurts...We danced to this song. You kissed me and held me close. It was one of the most romantic and lovely things you ever did to and for me. And I was hooked.