So it is the Sunday and I am chillin at Erinn's watching him play Infamous which is a pretty good game. Still waiting around for this nigga and wondering if I should even bother. Last night we talked and he was all like I aint playing games but it seems like he is and stupid ones at that. Or he really is that sick and just not up to company. It could be that. The 4th was fun Erinn and I watched the fireworks and went out and I was dancing my ass off at RPlace and then Erinn got into some kinda funk and got mad and wanted to leave. Now honestly I think someone pissed him off but he still hasn't said anything. Whatever I've let it go. It wasn't like my night was spoiled I just wanted to know why he was so pissed off.
At any rate this was a good weekend but not all that I expected. I did not get invited to a barbecue and I dunno it was just kinda of a let down. Last weekend was alot more fun in my opinion.

And wouldn't you know it but I suppose since I am back in school my skin should begin to act up because I am starting to get a bit of a break out. Yeah 'cause I need zits in my life. My skin already oily as is it seems has been responding to unspoken worries and stressors and well you know. It seems in the area on and around my nose especially but not just there. One made an appearance on my cheek too. I despise acen. It is the bane of my existence. It was so much worse in high school and my early 20's but still it makes an impression. At any rate it is lovely outside and I am just lazing at my friend's because I can. As the traffic goes by I am aware of things like I am hungry, I am broke, and I am single. I am in school however so I am doing something constructive and productive. I do have some income coming in that I make do with the best I can. I am I suppose okay.

Then though there is this part of me that says God Kyon look at your life though. Your love life is a mess. If you get any it's usually going to be from you ex (which that does not happen all that much I might add), you're on pins and needles over a flake... A handsome, fine, big dicked, muscular versatile flake but a flake never the less... Aie Grand Met, my head is I suppose in a whirl. I can makes sometimes heads or tails of anything. Which I guess is okay, because even at 31 everything whether we as humans like it or not is not going to make sense. There is still going to be a certain amount of confusion. Less than in your 20's to be sure but it is still there. It's all about the steps you make.

Perhaps it is true what they say. As you older it seems like your problems or issues just have greater stakes than they did before. I can attest to the truth and significance of such a sentiment. Life though still in spite of the confusions is not bad I can't truly complain. Who would listen to me if I did anyways? Right you'd be reading it not listening!!! LOL! Oh yeah I know I kill me! But in all seriousness I am still pretty amped about school and I let that be the reason!

Well wish me a good Sunday folkz and y'all have a nice restful one yourself!

So my little date for the weekend fell thru, ole boi apparently had bronchitis and it took a turn for the worse he had to go to the hospital so now he is stuck up at Swedish chillin' and gettin' better hopefully. In the meanwhile I just watched Harold and Kumar II and the Punisher both movies I've never seen and both were pretty good. We are simply waiting for the sun to fade so that we can start our plans for the evening. Had an okay day and last night was actually fun, so we shall see. I am actually a little excited about the night with the fireworks and all I mean who doesn't like pyrotechnics?! So with that all being said everyone have a safe and enjoyable 4th of July. Be blessed!!! A tout alors!

So let's see what do we have? Well we have 12 credits for the classes I am taking which are Advance Counseling, Behaviorial Management, Grant Writing, and Chemical Dependency and viol;ence. So far all the classes have gone well though I have home work already. I know homework sucks but hey you get what you get so I am not really complainning.

I spent a very frentic and crazy, drinking, and dancing Pride and I got to see my best friend Demond who finally came down to Seattle. We spent some time together and that was cool. Also saw my brother and that was just as good. God knows I ahdn't seen either of them in what felt like forever. Had a blast but didn't get none which I guess was okay but being single and kinda having a bunk love life I wanted to meet someone this Pride.

Which brings me to today so I have been talking with this man on the chatline. The brotha quite simply at least frm his pictures is fine. So I am supposed to meet him today and we're sup[posed to spend the weekend together kinda in the country which in the N@ aint to hard to do because the country is everywhere. So we shall see. Last time we were supposed to meet he flaked out on me so I shall see.

We had a nice convo on the phone and he called me this morning talking about he couldn't wait to see me so I dunno. It would be nice to finally meet someone and I am sexually attracted to him more so than I have been to to the others.... It's all so confusing.


The sun is shining today though and it is lovely today. The weather is wonderful 70 something degrees and I am just in the mood to enjoy the day. With whoever and whereever I go.

Well all is goping well so let's continue to hiope andp ray that things stay that way. Be blessed all of you et adieu.

Michael Jackson - The Way You Make Me Feel (long version)

Another tight song!!!

Michael Jackson - Black Or White

This is my tribute so shut up okay!

Michael Jackson - Scream

Stop pressuring me makes me wanna scream okay! OKAY?!!!

Michael Jackson - Heaven Can Wait

SO ends my tribute. Heaven unfortunately would not wait. However such a life for good or ill that he lived. Mike thank you. You gave me songs that made thing, made laugh, made me dance, made me sing, and for that I thank you. Since I heard you converted to Islam Inshallah and rest easy in the arms of Allah. Bon nuit Michel... Adieu....

The Jackson 5-Dancing Machine

Here is MIke doing his thang!!!

Michael Jackson - Wanna Be Starting Something

Do you really wanna be starting something? Come on now!

Michael Jackson "Man in the Mirror"

Lovely song!!!

Michael Jackson - Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough

Go Mike!!!

Michael Jackson - Rock With You

I so wanna Rock with you!

Michael Jackson - Thriller - P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing)

Now some of this is just music but hey this was the goodness. How could you not want to dance to this! He was a weirdo true but oh so talented and I bet all of you that everyone in the sphere of where his music was heard has at least one favorite MJ song!

Michael Jackson - Smooth Criminal

Annie are you okay? Well apparently not she got struck down and it was her doom but hey this video is still the shit!!!

Michael Jackson - Remember The Time

Do you remember? Ahh! When this video aired we were young and innocent then. Evne though his with Iman was not all that Iman looked good or as ER-I-Double N says Iman knows she looked good, and hey the dancing was da shit!!!

Michael Jackson - Keep it in the Closet

This video made no sense to me but I loved this song and the music was good Naomi was hot and it as not bad.

Michael Jackson-Butterflies (Improved)

This is another one of my most loved of his songs. I sing this for Karaoke. Plus he be blowin' his off on this song!!!

The King. (R I P M.J.

I loved this song and this was in his time that he was in my opinion he was at his greatest!

goodnight Michael

I 'm an MJ fan. Maybe not as much as Marcus but I liked the guy. So here is my blog tribute to Michael Jackson. Just so you know I was on the bus when I got the news via text and I could not believe it.

Did the shopping. For the personal items. HURRAH!!!

So i have registered for fall quarter 2009 and thus completed the first of the list. I suppose I shall keep going down until all is done. Lunch was lovely. My Winter Knight and i went to the Super Buffet and God what I ate. Coconut shrimp, butterfly shrimp, fried chicken wings, General Tsao's chicken, frog legs, crayfish, clams, crab legs, wontons, bad pizza, and ice cream. With plenty of coca to wash it down. All in all it was a very wonderful lunch dinner. SO now we go to R Place, a club here on Capitol Hill to see the Gay American Idol of Seattle. I know corny but hey it will prove to be somewhat amusing. Keep you all posted. Adieu amours....

So here it is activities that need to be done in the next few days:

1. Type the CAT Letter and accompanying info.
2. Register for Fall Quarter.
3. Hold onto money for Gay Pride Weekend.
4. Do some shopping for some personal grooming stuff.
6. Get haircut.

Full week. Wish me luck paix!

AND of course party during the weekend. Meet a handsome male. I dunno about you but GP always makes me want to mate. It's usually a get some weekend so yeah get sum that's good too. And now to lunch with my Winter Knight E-r-i double nn!

Friendship is one of the most precious things that you receive in life beside family. It's value can't be even spoken because what price can you put on those you trully love? None. And I am so grateful Jesus thank you so much that you have given me such wonderful friends in Seattle. Javiav, Erinn, Terry aka Elizabeth, Titiana, Anne Boleyn, Trumph, all of them I am most grateful for them in my life.

Mother Grandma Painting the Pony

Mother Grandma is Kellys Granny and she sho is funny!

Bearly Legal

Off da hook

How I Roll

Some very nice looking porn stas are telling you to get tested and stay negative. Your health is your health take care of it and please bruthas be careful.

KanYe West - girls girls girls remix (unreleased)

New music

Breaking news breaking news!!!! Erin my brother Shadow Elf and good friend got his college stuff accepted hurrah!!! And I think he met a male and he is all giddy and happy!!! Hallelujah!!! Now this is good because when your friend, homie, nigga, ace, ace boon coon, best friend, etc. gets a blessing you have to celebrate with them so to Erinn and his blessings!!!!! Hurrah!!!!

Kelly: The Prequel

Another Kelly video I love this stuff! What are you guys talking about?

High Level Mission to Kenya - The Dignity Campaign Launch

Hey guys check this out.

Si bonjour mes amis. I am here blogging and I am getting like a blast of the most rotten funk I have ever smelled in my life. I think it is the boy who is next to me. He either has not washed or not using deodorant or something but he stinks. And it getting stronger the longer I linger here so let me make this brief. Aie sicre Jesu li scenti comme mal lait et merde. Fucking gross! So anyways school stuff is coming along. I am going to qualify for this grant that will enable me to have my books paid for which is a blessing and there may be a way for me to get my bachelors degree oout all of this not just some certificate. I hope so. I beleive a number of doors may open for me once I get that. For real like I'm ired of working shit jobs and the like, that's the whole reason why I am doing this. So once again thank you for the positive vibes, prayers, ouangas etc. that you have been offering up and sending my way. Also thank you God. At every instance of this God has been totally directing my path and it feels so good to have him doing it. I just have seen barrier after barrier fall down before me and I am amazed.

I mean I know it may sound trite or cliche but sometimes for me because of my past mistakes I find it a little hard to beleive in my heart that Jesu et le Bon Dieu still loves me. I know I can't be the only person to have felt that way. Yet here has been through all of this crzieness of the past year, loving me, providing for me, keeping me, protecting me, sending blessing after blessing flowling my way. The fact that I am still walking around living and living well to some degree tells me that all is not lost.

I am no longer the same and I feel that slowly the goals I felt forced to bury could possibly now be attainable. In short.....Whew had to take a breath I feel stronger, better, faster but not boinic. Who wants to be bionic anwyas, I want to be a mutant. But anywho seriously even though everything is not all good, life is alirght. And I am so thankful to God. So thankful to him for what he has given me.

I hope and I pray still that this still works out. I do and I have faith that it will..

Dana Lee's Never Say Forever Official Video

New music

No Booty Calls

Kelly is back and here again I am doing some more youtube stuff again so here you go just for you.

Bonsoir mes amis. Mo dit bonsoir parce que se soir maintenant. It's 11:26. I am chilling at A-rocks house having some champagne and watching the latest James bond Film. Which is pretty kick ass. That and it has wonderful sweeping vistas of Sienna, Italia. I would like to spend a month there. It looks so lovely. This has been an okay week and tomorrow it ends or I suppose begins with me singing. Yes tomorrow I will sing a solo at church. No fool not so low no can hear me, though at this moment and time I'm seriously debating on wether or not to go thru with it. Mais il est trop tard maintenant. Il est necessaire que chanter. And Hati looks so gorgeous as well. Of course it is a country in the grips of horror but ahh bien I am still watching this film as I go ahead and blog. Or contine to blog. So I am going to sing At the Name of Jesus, a song my Aunt Grace from Jamaica used to sing when she was alive. Aunt Grace died of breast cancer and I still cry to think of her at times. So this will inside of my self, in my heart and mind where none can hear or see mean alot to me. Jesu I beg of you let me honor not her memory but you as well tomorrow with my song. Well for the past 2 days it has been a bit cold. In the 60's, grey skies filled with clouds that omniously promise rain, mists of wetness here and there. All of us want the sun back in force. I told Titania to start working again. He is about to get a new place and for that I am most excited. Terry totally deserves some peace after everything King Henry put him thru.

So all is good at least as well as expected. My world is beginning to brighten more and more and for that I am well. Finally as I have been hinting it looks like my fortunes are changing slowly but surely. for that and anll of my blessings I am grateful. Thank you Lord. Well good night my luvs, sweet and most pleasant dreams. Adieu et bon nuit. Bissous.

Allo... So I'm here at my boy's apartment just chillin. My shirt's off and I am had watching family guy bloggin' well I suppose that last part is obvious isn't it? At any rate it was another gorgeous day. I went and started my school stuff which was most satisfying in a way. On the morrow I take a test that will allow me to get the classes I want to take, etc, etc. Just because I am reacquainting myself with academia don't mean I wanna speak of it. I think though this is a good, no actually this is a great step for the goals I want to accomplish. Which is getting out of the going nowhere field I have been in for too long. I suppose that is what MT, this fine muthafucka, he is fine too... God his chest is fucking huge and his nipples are... I gotta chest fetish. I love a male with a big chest I like the way it feels etc. etc. Anyways I suppose that is what MT was referring to when he was like everyone is retooling. That's what I'm doing retooling.

In the meantime I ran into Mr. Meth, this male that I think that I dislike him so much it's close to hate. Like I would not be bothered if he expired. I know that is horrible to say but it is honest. And I am at least that. He really pissed me off by generally being a meth head who was coming down and generally being his scummy, worthless, waste of African genetic material self. But then when we parted ways and I no longer felt homicidal wrath I then felt a sense of deep sadness for him. I hope Mr. Meth gets his shit together. I really do.

Seattle is so lovely this time of year. It really is. So MT, he is leaving town in about a month. Going to DC. I was a little envious when I heard the news but glad for him. Seattle has not always been good to MT. I hope he finds and receives what he needs in DC. He and I chilled and sunbathed in Cal Anderson park. That's the park on Capitol Hill I go to quite a bit and just hangout or walk through. It's pretty nice save the drug fiends that are sometimes there but they never bother anyone. I got to feel up his chest for a bit, Mt's chest I mean. Trust me if you saw it and he let you, you would too.

Yes ete is definitely here and with a whole new set of adventures and it's own heat driven craziness but I'm game. I mean how often do we in Seattle get this kind of weather. I'm loving it. The nights are warm and balmy, the days hot. I love it. Well fun chatting goto run...Adieu....

"I'd rather sleep in the middle, middle of my bed alone and not hurting over you. That's better than sleeping on the side crying at night silently watching you sleep. I'd rather sleep in the middle." And so I would. Don't get me wrong sleeping with someone else can be nice but with these heat and plus the fact that I don't really know that I want to rush into a relationship I'd rather sleep in the middle. But we can do the damn thangf on the side! LOL!!! Bonjour mes amis. Sup with y'all? Hoepfully where you live is as lovely as it is here. The sun is still here and I love it!!! I am having a most wonderful time in it. For the past two days this week, Mon and Tues I attended a Grant Writing class put on for free by Accion Mutua this Latino HIV/AIDS orgnization. It was actuallly very good and I absorbed the info and my mind is stronger and so I will be better writing grants which seems not to be so bad these days. Oh and tomorrow I am preparing to try to send myself back to school. Well I started today but I don't want to say so much about it because I fear to even write of this fortune would attract something evil's attention and it would ruin it. THen I'd have to find that entity and destroy it. ANd that is just too much work. So just know things slowly are daily looking up and I am following some path to hoepfully the right destination.

"Oh I'm doing the wrong things! But now I'm doing them the right way!" Jus kidding. Well not really no I am. I mean I am not dealing with certain things, and in soome ways while I still love to dance and sing and skip about, climb trees and sing to the moon on summer nights and drink.... I don't do it nearly as much as I once did. And it is true for me as I have heard that as you get older you stop caring so much what anyone thinks. Which is true. Even sometimes people who are your friends. I guess now I am so concerned for my well being and my happieness that if you are not with me to help me or be there for me, then you are inconsequential to my needs or you are part of the problem. I don't have time for the things I used to put up with. Speaking of which JAviav really pissed me off this week and I think this will be the last time he angers me. Ever! Non I won't do anything to him other than deprive him of my friendship. I am not a SNITCH! Never have been. Why SNITCH when you can WHITE MAIL? See I call it WHITE MAIL instead of BLACK MAIL because let's just be real here doesn't BLACK MAIL sound like somethin' a WHITE MALE would do? Yes it does. SO I see WHITE MAIL. Plus believing a HOB instead of a dark Elf like me? Whatever it is of no consequence what's done is done.

Anyways besides the grant writing class I had fun this last weekend with Anne Elizabeth aka Titania Queen of the Summer Court aka my beloved friend Terry!!!! We tore the club up and danced and laughed at people with ugly clothes which hey isn't that why we all go to the club! OF COURSE!!!!! LOL!!!!!!!!!! Oh by the way I am Mab the Queen of the Winter Court. Not cause I like Winter I am just kinda evil. Me and Terry or excuse me Terry and I must always balance each other. And on Dimance I went to church and that was nice because they fed us all day and well I like free food.

Let's see what else aie aie aie!!!! I got an IPOD. A new gadget. Now if I can only stop erasing it. SMile. Alright my loves. I suppose that it is all I have to go. May the light of sun and love of life warm your hearts and then may you share that warmth with another who needs it!!! IT's SUMMMER!!!!!! HURRAH!

Oh I almost forgot on Sunday at Church I am doing a solo. No of course I won't burst into flames, how dare you? What an ugly thing to say. But maybe pray that I do okay and that I don't shatter anyone's eardrum. I know never a dull moment and every day an adventure. Well it aint my fault you read this. Bissous boiz.....

So you gotta dream on dreamer life gets in your way! I dunno there is omething about that song that makes me feel the summer more intensely. So hier I went au parc to see Javiav and we somehow managed to salvage our friendship though I must say I will not be spoken to by him in an evil manner anymore. Parfois Javiav can be jst mechant you know? At any rate now I am here blogging about to enjoy more of the sun.

Oh and I got tested today and I am negative. HURRAH!! I don' know about y'all but hey when I get tested for HIV and I come up negative that makes me smile. It's not like I want it to be positive. Nothing against those who are, shit happens, I'm just keeping it ral. But by the grace of GOd there go I u feel me? Course ya do. Goodness I feel like a sprite. I want to just go racing through the streets in m skivvies. Well not really but sort of... OH OH OH OH!!! WAit so at the park yesterday this guy had on only his boxers and a sweater, and knee high yellow socks. No he was not homeless or crazy, the boxers were too clena for that. But he was just like whatver this is me. So I'm like I should try that and then I thought no. Cause just no. But it looked okay on him. Don't ask me why I told you all that I just remembered it and felt the need to share. THE SUN IS SO RADIANT AND I LOVE IT I LOVE IT. Well and I'm still in heat.

And I smell something clean and strong. I smell manflesh. God I just want someone to... Heheheheh. Well you know. Ben bon weekend mes zamis! Ciao!!!!

Sak passe mes zamis! I know I know it has been a while since I posted. Don't hate me too much amours. Let's see? What adventures or crazieness have I encountered. More than my share of both I can tell you that. There have been parties and gatherings abouding as Titania bathes Seattle in all of her spring and summery glory. Right now the sun is shining ouais il fait du soleil and I am feeling non delour. Of course with the sun comes the people in all of their glory as everyone begins to do their peacock and glamour struts round the ville. I am glad for it. It has been too long that we have not seen the sun. Oh joyousness the sun is here and my favorite time of the year ete is almost upon us all.

SO with Summer comes me being in heat. I don't know why but lately I have been noticing males more. I just stare and start breathing a bity too deeply and I want them. Oh God I want them. It has been awhile since I have been topped and I am feeling that happening to me again. So I am very attentive to males now. Black males of course though lately some of the White ones are turning my head but I would have to top them. I'm sorry no White man gets to do me. No. Verboten. Anyways there are not so many of the People here but enough... Enough that I feel like I am on fire and my skin is hot and not from the sun. ANd when a male who is suitable is near I can't help but smell him and my phermones and hormones are raging and I should take care of this soon. I just want to mate you know...? *smile* SO yeah I'm in heat. Anyone care to come and relieve me of this burden? *wink*

On to other things. Still looking for work but I have been busy doing grant writing with POCAAN, the People of Color Against AIDS Network and that has been good as far as putting some more cash in the pocket and keeping me from being bored and waiting around for someone to call. Plus it is developing some hefty professional skills that I need and grant writing isn't so hard. Except those SAMHSA ones. They can be brutal. But I have decided to do this worker retraining which the state will pay for and I'm going to go for that on Mon of next week an apply for that to get that together. It thousl work out well I hope. They have counseling program that I want to do so here is to the future. May it be bright.

Things have been a struggle I won't lie but they have not been 2 bad. I have had some experiences and that is all I will say about a certain something that befell me. However that has past and all is well may Jesu be praised.

So my friends.... Well apparantly once again the sun has made some of my folkz loony. Today Javiav and I are meeting at the park to discuss the future of a friendhship that I fear will not survive. I am done with it. He is a good guy and I love him and do not want to loose his friendship but I can't be spoken the way he speaks to me. I have fought off controlling males in the romantic sphere and I abhor such control. I damn sure will not put up with such ridiculousness with a friend. Lately I am just unwilling to deal with crazy males in love or in friendship period. I am not someone who any longer enjoys love hate relationships. THey are draining and stupid. So I dunno I hate to say this but I feel just about through. Just about.

Still my fiends are well and this ete it has change in the air. I can't put my finger on it but I feel something wonderous coming for all of us. ANd I myself inside I am ready and waiting.... So even though I am struggling financially, single and sleeping alone more than I would care to admit, my faith is still holding true and my life is still wonderful. I have so many blessings to be thankful for.

Oh and I have been reading some good books lately. Mostly the Dresden Files. I love those books and I have only 2 more to get and I will have the whole series. If you have not read the Dresden Files and you like Sci fi and horror check out these books they are awesome.

Goodness me look at the time my loves. Well I gotta go but yeah I am alive and well. All of you be blessed!!!! Adieu. And wish me luck in my male hunting.... Bissous.....

Bonjou vas tous!!!! Il fait du soleil et il fait beau, et je suis tres content!!! j'adore le soleil! Les oiseaux chantent et les insects sont degoutant mais ce n'est pas une probleme parce que il fait beau!!!!! And I am loving it!!!! I am wearing a tank top and do not feel like a fool because it actually makes sense to wear it today. it is after all like 70 something degrees outside. And the day is just gorgeous. I went for a little walk and I think I shall go for another later. I dunno it is just so perfect today. I am loving the day. Loving the day!!! so if you are somwehre and it beautiful get out and take advantage of the sun. I feel like an Elf! LOL!!! I love the sun!!!!

On the flipside I think I have a date this week with some guy that I think is handsome but who I dunno. We will see we're supposed go to the movies. Who knows. He already has been hard to pin down and he thinks Seattle men aren't shit which I have to kinda agree with him. However I will keep an open mind if he will. I said hey I kinda like you I just want to get to know you. Does it not irritate you when a male will not let you start anew? What I mean is when you are held responsible for some other male's issues or mistakes. It's like oklay those other niggas did that shit but I aint shit I just met you gimme a chance. I dunno I havebeen thinking about relationships and me lately a bit these days. Trust me it does not take all of my intellectual capabilities I just been thinking about it and well...

I have decided that I am going to forever be the aproacher of the male I want. I always have approached all the guys I like I'm just going to have to keep doing that. I have also discovered that I am going to have to start holding out more and longer with men and be a lil supspect. Guys for some reason do not think I feel sometimes I am husband material so that will change that. By me just being less dick or ass happy when ti comes to a guy I really like I may be alboe to make a more asting impression. Also I am not mor am I any longer going to be all using dating to find the one. Let me explain. I'm having fun and if someting develops of course I would pursue it but now adays my expectations are not all like oh Imma find a husband. I am just like let's just get to know each other. Which I don't think anyone knows what that means sometimes. Like GW3 they think becausey ou a re younger than them you are stupid and will give them the goods for a little something or a lotta something, uhm naw. I said get to know you. Not be your bedmate or your sex slave automatically.

So that is all to say after way too much analysis that I would like this date to go like this. Brotha and I go to the movies. He pays for his dam self I aint rich at all, movie is good, Maybe we do a little cuddle stuff not too much just enough, then maybe after a drink or two and a kiss. Sex later on. So here is to that date! SALUT!!! So well I'm going out and run in the sun!!! Adieu.........

Bonjou guyz... so my adventure yesterday was just that an adventure. I walked all the way from Columbia city to Cap Hill and chilled with some water. I was thristy after that long ass walk. While there a guy bought me a drink and I just kinda relaxed socialized and talked stuff like that. Then I saw a guy who likes me and who had hit on me once when I was with Trumph GW3. Now GW3 is a brotha but he is not a handsome one. Unfortunately the man is grossly fat and not cute, but I was lkie whatever I'll hang out with him, it's not as if I have never given fat guyz the time of day before. I do not do it usually but sometimes you never know the good people you can meet and not every thing has to be about sex even though in GW3 mind it was....

So I'm like well I'll hang with you guy aint got nan cahs but I'll hang out. So we drove around South center in his car and I dunno it was okay. I got runed off. He is grossly fat and he wheezes sounds like Big Pun did when he rapped. Like a pig snorting or something. I know why because he is carrying so much weight but not attractive. He could barely get himself into his own car. He took me to a subway place called Jersey Mikes, which was pretty good and then GW3 was like let's go to the movies and I was like okay iof you want. I had no plans. SO we saw State of Play. Great film by the way check it out, very much a nice little thriller like film. Everyone in it di a great job. So afterwards he wants me to spend the night. I'm like why? I'm not having sex with you. GW3 is all like we can cuddle. I was like what the ehll why not you wanna show me your pad, I know how to use a knife to stab you if need be okay.... So we go. He said he would take me back home actually taht night but then he gets there and gets all comfortable and takes off most of his clothes.... Oh it was gross. He like had tits and I was just like shit in my head I'm so not feeling him... So we lay down and he starts rubbing me all over, I make sure to keep my dick and all things covering it from him....He is a bottom didn't ya know. I could not even imagine sticking my penis inside of him, I might get lost. And not in the moment either. But li was like wahtever my body was sore he could give me a massage and I fell asleep.

He dropped me off this mornig and was like you were all over me last night. I smirked to myself at that one. Some males really have a bad habit of projection. I was like okaaayyy. I dunno the thing is he is successful and architect, kind hearted to be honest, and he just wants to be loved by someone. He deserves a goodman, and his place is lovely. In locale and decor. It's just and some people say for this I am a fool I can't fake the funk. I am simply not attracted to this male and I can't make myself. He is just too unhealhty and that turns me off. Don't get me worng you do not need the body of an African God but if you walk and you wheeze and I think that each moment I spend with you will end in you demise, or if you can't even dfit into your car... That is just too damn big. Don't feel it.

However on the other hand the weather was lovely, and I had an adventure that ended with me safe and sound, fed and happy. Plus GW3 is not bad compnay and a perfect gentleman.... It owuld just be nice for a guy without hundreds of pounds of excess weight or not a psychopath or not some just hideous looking thing of a male would find me attractive and want me.... Story of all our lves right.

Now let me get with whoever ugly or not and all manner of males will be sniffing round me dick and my ass like cats in heat shoving all manner of sexual temptation in my face. Hwoever being single I can't find not a single one of them and it is starting to bother me just a little bit. Of course this is Seattle too. Now if I wan elsewhere I probablyu wouldn't want for company but here... Ahh bien... I can't be relocating to another city because I could potentially find a husband there even though people od that kind of stuff all the time don't they? But not me...Not yet at least. But I feel that if I stay in Seattle my pospects will not be what they could be.

Of course none of this was supposed to have come to pass. I was supposesd to have been married to Trumph and we were supposed to have grown old together and well... That didn't work out the way I planned huh? Oh love and plands. We put so much of what we want into and it rarely comeso ut that way. Who can control such a force like amour?

Love is such a paradox sometimes. All of it confuses, delights, confounds, and enamours me. Yet what would life be without it.... *smile* Adieu mes amis....

Bonjou mes amis! So last night I went out with my roomates to the Cuff for some fun. I had a good time even with the evil jealous Allemagne who said I looked old because he was mad that I wasn't saying he was attractive and wanted to have sex with him. 'Cause I didn't. Sorry I'm a French Creole and Germans are well... Ils sont tous Nazi, non juste joking but I don't always care for them. They are too uptight and can be irritating. Juste comme cet Herr! Anyways I had fun. I danced and made out with some cute young brotha who was taller than me and kinda built but sounded like a female in a Masengil commercial. Well he did sound like a girl and it made me laugh inside. But he could kiss. Could he ever.

Then we came home and I made myself a gooey cheeseburger and went to sleep. Now I am up and with no cash and UI could care less the weather is okay and I need to be away from my home. So that was my night. And I have made new friend a guy who is seeing my roomie 7, his name is uhm... Chaugito. Chaugito is cool people from Puerto Rico and he is a great guy. We have fun, he makes me laugh and I am happy 7 has such a good guy. Today I want to be out in the waether, I want to feel the air on my face, I want to dance in a field of green and frolic in meadows near the sea. The feywilde blood is stirring in my soul like a tempest. I want to drink and sing and shine like the sun in June or I guess April since it is April.... LOL!!!!

And who knows today is going to be a day of adventure. Here's to adventure.

Bonjou vas tous!? Sup folkkz how is life? Life for me is kinda boring, kindqa borke, got a temp job coming up next week. That's cool. It will help me pay off some bills that I need to pay desperately so that will be good. At least that is the hope who knows. I just had a shit load of stuff to pay off soe I am broke again and of course they shut off my phone. I know come on now but hey it's all good. OH AND I HAVE TO SAY THIS!!!! MYRONE EARLY AKA SEAN STONE AKA DAMON! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR LOADING THIS PLAYLIST ON MY BLOG BECAUSE I WAS TOO STUPID TO FIGURE IT OUT ON MY OWN YOU CUTIE YOU! I THABNK YOPU SO MUCH AND REALLY APPRECIATE IT!!! There well I said I would thank you Sean so I have and you are a cutie so. He did help me though y'all get this on my blog and the sad thing I still don't know what he did. Oh well it's on here now.
It's going to rain again today. I feel it even though who knows the sun may push through. Hard to tell with Seattle. So that is all there is and I am just chilling blogging. Ahh la vie it is waht you make of it. After this I may go home, read and have a slice of apple pie. Yes I think I shall.... Adieu.....

Ahhh printemps a Seattle. Nothing like it anywhere else mais ete est mieulleure! At any rate le soleil is struggling to shine behind a viel of gris et qui savez, peut-etre il fait du soleil. J'espere il ferras beau. I need the sun to shine on me. So I have a job lead which is nice, today I will get my lil unemployment cheque, life is not so bad and I fancy getting out of my home ofr a while. I have been pretty much in my home and hood for the past 4 days and I have been slowly going stir crazy en rhuemee ou pas!
Trumph is at my home right now, he had an axiety attack and told me he might relapse so I came to his aid to just listen, I didn't do so much ofthat though becauseh e used my phone to call his mom and told her his woes. Which is good because now he feels good, I myself fixed him a cup of green tea and got myself together for the day. I feel kinda cute and springy today for Seattle at leat which is alright though I need a hair cut which I will be getting today. I need to. It looks not right. So let's do it again meet Key at the spot so we can dot- dot -da-da- da! Okay that's not a thought that is a line in song I like that I am listening to as I blog. What?! Like your mind has never wandered avec la musique. Come on now...
So it appears today that things are finally cmoning full circle. I feel clam and a song of gladness in my heart.

King Henry the 8th was right in his sermon. It is better to be awake in your life, for when you are awake you can better hear the voice of God, and see him at work in even just the smallest things. One's heart is open to feel, to hear, and to be receptive to his grace, his wisdom, and his love. I am listening now to Hey Now by Carl Thomas. It makes me think of Goldie to hear this song....I remeber years ago, on nights when it as warm he would hold me against him and sing this to me. And I would fall asleep in his arms surrounded by his warmth and my heart full of love from to the very tip of my head. And Goldie would say,
"Heaven must be missing an angel tonight and he is here with me, and how then could I ever let him go back to the sky?" And my heart melted.... Ahh love in the past, even though it is past and long gone not all of the memories are bad. A little time with you-oooouuuuuuuu...... I want is spend you-oooouuuuu-uuuu..... Baby hey-hey oho.... Ahhh such a love it was when it was good. Here I type got in a memory of a love that sometimes when I am alone I still wish in a small part of me I still had.... Ahh bien that is the past and it belonghs there. I wonder if I shall ever love lie that again? Who knows... I am in no rush.

I have no lessons to teach this day, nothing profound to say. I have only my feelings to put out and I will let them rush out here like floodwaters from my soul... I just feel this profound sense of being okay and I am glad for that. The love of God is surrounding me and I know that finally in my heart once again, that his love is enough. I dunno about y'all but hey I am human, caught up in this busy world and sometimes I forget about it. Sometimes the stillness of God's voice can get lost in hustle and bustle of life, the good and the bad times which it seems to inundate our lives....

So today Kyon is okay. And that is okay. *smile*

Bon anniversaire Javiav. Today I may be albe to meet you for a moment for a drink though I am not up to it. I threw you a party and took care of your drunk ass afterwards... I mean drunk ass in the kindest way, and I am tried and still recovering. I just want to sleep and chill. I need a hair cut today. Aie aie je besoin un travail.... I feel today very sleepy but I am also feeling better not so scik. C'est maladie n'est rien sympathique. Well I should go I am only giving a quick shout out. My roomates by the way are cool I just blew off some steam yesterday. Here is to the rest of the day.... And the week!!!

So how is everyone Bon Paques even thoug hthat was hier it's still good because well I am wishing you now. I couldn't wish you hier because I was at Church praising Jesu and being stricken with a horrific cold that literally after service et Diner Paques had me straight back in bed sleeping. Right now I don't look so spectacularly handsome. I need a shave and I do not really match not that I care. I had a party this weekend for Javiav it will be hias birthday tomorrow and so I decided it would be a good idea to hold it early. I somehow got my roomates to agree and it was all good. Well the party came off without a hitch even though there was some drama, Tifanska who I thank for helping me with party and King Louis got into it. Which I had hoped they would not but they did. Aie mon Grand met but it was over before it started and JAviav did kinda put Tifanska in her place which she did not like. Oh and someone broke a glass. It was a shot glass not mine so I did not care. Now 2 of my roomates both of them Bekes, White men, were there X and 7. Aie aie, what a bunch of drunken kochanris. First they were cool but they got drunk pretty soon and 7 fell down the stairs and kept on trying to get me to throw him and Javiav togethere which made me laugh because well 7 is kindfa dirty looking and trust me him and Javiav!? HAHAhAHAhA! Meanwhile X kept flitting through the party saying:
" This is so delicous! Oh how tasty! Oh how lovely!" Shaking his ass which is kinda flat all about and thenbeing drunk and being really touchy feely, feeling up all my frineds male and female alike and aone point he took off his shirt and walked through the crowd and we all thought he had lost his ever loving mind and he shouts:
"I'm a whore!"

Well I suppose when you have alternative veggan gay white people in the mix anything is possible. However the party came off wonderfully everyone had a lovely time and we danced and drank and sang long into the night. Javiav was overjoyed and got very drunk and I had to take care of him or rather I directed Trumph to do it! Since both of them were carousing like little boys while I was catching up on long needed sleep. The story gets even longer after this but it makes me too tried to even desire to contemplate let alone right it but should we ever meet in person I shall tell you one day.

Then the next day of course was Pacques when the Lord Jesu Christ rose from the dead affirming himself fixedly as the head the Christan Chruch the relgeon I of course follow. Which was lovely the service was even though I swear someone in the choir was off key and told them so. They told me to shut up but I said well next time we have to have more folks to blend it plus I knew someone was off key because Anne Elzabeth my sister aka Terry got all angry looking when everyone was singing. Our pastor King Henry the 8th was all being a snipish kinda tete de merde towards me but he can't help it I suppose. I think he knows I folow him to a degree but I do not like how he has used my sister! I do not care for it at all. But he still preached a good sermon so I suppose il est bon pou quelqchose. Ritchie made me giggle yesterday though and I had fun with him at the church. Afterwards Trumph brought me home and we napped and then he left.

This morning I awoke to another roomate I shall call him hmmm Hansel, so Hansel is all upset cause his floors are kinda messed up and I cleaned up his house and well now I need to sleep. Hansel is a nice guy but he can be an asshole and he stutters and it makes me laugh when I am angry at him. Well it does and I don't like him sometimes. Little blond bastard. But he was nice after I did it and I was just like fucking White People but whatever the case the fact was his house is clean, the party did not do that much dmage anad all is well. Even though between you and me I hope those 2 little rat dogs well.... Ahh rien.

Well all in all I suppose life is cool and all is well except this cold so pray I get over it and all of you be blessed... Adieu.

So how was my weekend? Well I hung out with friends and last night went dancing. I also worked on the grant yesterday for pretty much almost the whole day. We have on part left to add and edit and then it shall be done. We are on the target date. I thank the folkz at POCAAN for their help and was glad to offer mine. I hope to the Lord's goodness that this grant is funded for them, for he knows that they need it. Keep your5 fingers crossed guys.

GodSpeed Masterpiece (Live feat. Big World Breaks)

These are the folks I saw last night at least 2 of the groups anyways. The guy playing the trumphet is my Trumph. Enjoy the vid guyz. We have some good music out here in Seattle.

Bonjou mes amis! Ouais c'est moi Kyon ici encore juste pou vous! SO it is another day and Seattle skies are gray with a fine mist of rain falling from the sky. I'm at POCAAN awaiting instruction on the grant while blogging here. Let's see what do we have? Well last night after I finished here at POCAAN I went with Trumph to a gig he was doing at the Nectar.

When and I Trumph and I began dating long ago he used to take me to his gigs as dates. They were enjoyable, and I fell in love with his talent at them. Plus I got to see the great musical variety that the Emerald City has to offer. I was not at all dissapointed last night. Infact if anything I very much enjoyed myself. The music was bangin', the songs all with the exception of Superbad, which I've always liked.... SUPER BAA-AAD! MY favorite act had to be Soulchilde and Sirius. They were both awesome and I love how Soulchilde gets into his music. Afterwards a tried Trumph and I headed back to our perspective homes, with Trumph dropping me off at my home. He didn't send the night this time.

Trumph lately he and I have been seeing more of each other, we still occasionally do the damn thing but not lately due to my injury I can't get any zigi for a month but it's all good. A brotha is versatile I can still get da booty! Jus not from Trumph. We have been talking and he even hinted on Tuesday night about gettingback together.... Hmmmm not bvery sure on this one.

DO I love him?
Yes.
Do I desire him again sexually?
Very much so.
Am I ready to be back with him?
No. I am not. A part of me says yes but I am not. I am enjoying this now, what we're doing. There is as Mario says, NO definition and that's cool. Neither Trumph or I really are ready to be back together. The love is still there, so is the ease of relationship, and without us living together alot of the stress and evilness is gone but we are both I think or at least I am still scared. Trumph is even afraid a bit of loosing me forever. I know htis because he told me as much in so many words. He suggested briefly of me moving to Atlanta with him, which he recognized instatnly would be a disaster.

" You would end up hating me. I would loose you for good, naw that aint a good idea." he corrected himself after bringing up the idea. Which is all well and good. Flattered as I was by it, if I do go to Atlanta I would have to be single. Plus Trumph and I if we ever got togehter would have to be solid. WHy on earth would we move to another city like Atlanta, which for all it glittering beautiful males is full of HIV, Smithfield whores, and evil bitches the likes of which would proably put the most scandelous of Seattlite Black Gay Men to shame. No way. I would never tempt fate like that. Unless Trumph and I were united our relationship would be torn apart by the Atalantans, and I can't do that. Which is another thing Trumph is wanting to and planning I beleive to move to Atlanta for some time. I think it is great for him to do so, but at the same time I mindful of my heart so I do not want to get too much closer. If I let my emotions cloud my mind I would follow him just like that. So.... There you go. Trumph and I. Confusion but at the sametime now, fun and laughter. Joy. I no longer feel so wounded. I realize that this what we have now is just as good in a way as it was in the beginning when love was new, and when everything about Trumph from his eyes, to his touch thrilled me, and his every ache made me cry and wish to comfort him, andh is every move I watched with a voraciousness that only that new love feeling can give one. Y'all feel me right. IF not then you are stupid. Or I have to many trypos in this. Which might make me stupid. Ahh bien I know what I mean.

Mr. Bell gave me 4 new pornos and I am thankful for them. They are hot too. Oh come now like you don't watch porn. Hey I am not sleeping next to a male every night, and well pornos can take the edge off. I mean I am 31, the stuff I used to do and put up with to get it I hardly even consider anymore. I realize now that I can do other things like go eat, or watch a movie, or a porno, or read.

Speaking of reads.... I am reading this new to me Toni Morrisson novel called Lover. Henry the 8th gave it to me, let me have it actually saying it was hard read. I don't know how it is a hard read because the book makes sense to me. I love it. I think for all of his learning Henry the 8th is not always the brightest. But I appreciate the gift and I do see him more and more as not such a schiesskopf. Anyways Toni Morrisson has got to be my favorite Black Author well she is number 2 my number one Black Author is Maryse Conde! Love her, love her, love her! And LOVER is excellent! Check it out. It is rich like all of Toni's stuff and yes it makes your mind race and twist but hey what good book does not. Toni's books always leave me feeling like...WOW I am intellectually spent... I am awhirl in thought and at the end of each novel I read of her's I am left with a sense of quiet reflection in my soul. So get Lover by Toni Morrisson you will love it!


Well that's all nothing left to say but be blessed and for those who read this... Thank you. Thank you for hearing these thoughts my crazieness. I know I am too much sometimes but at least I am real. Adieu....

Cliff is okay I heard he is doing much better and for that I am glad. I am still plugging away at this grant and also working partially on the last one I did. Where this road will lead I don't know but the ride so far has been fun. I like POCAAN. It's a cool place to work. Plus one of the staff memebers here is kinda cute.

So it is naother day here at POCAAN and they grant is speeding along.Daily I get work done on the thing and there is no reason to think we will not be finished by the April 3, 2009 date we are wanting. Oh and hte last grant I worked on them with for the Pride Foundation seems to have garnered some attention and appears at least to be in the running. Which is Kudos for me so I feel kinda like hey this is the shit. Oh and hey my uneployment benefits are finally starting. Can I just say though that I deteest no more so than any other time in my life bureaucracy!? Nothing is more draining then having to deal with these agencies for the most basic of neccesities. And they are not easy either. I am jumping all kinds of hoops and crap it is really ridiculous. I'm like what for real my taxes pay for this just fucking give it to without all this lip and shit! It's just fucking stupid.

Last night I went to Ken;s house where Viking, Viking is Ken's pet White Troll. Well okay not his pet White Troll, his pet White Orc...Viking looks like an Orc but he is a kool guy. No not an Orc...Viking is Grimlock. Okay so he is Grimlock but a nice one, even though he has thing for nme. I know right always the scaries... Anywho I hung with Viking and Kenn and just laughed, drank beer, and had some herbal refreshement, a nice dinner, followed by more laughter. Oh and I sang too. We were listening to all my music and we just had fun.

Before that I hung with Javiav and Tonton MereSista, which was kool had a couple drinks and some discussion. Nothing inflammatory or anything like that just cool times. Now here I am blogging killing time waiting for the next part of the grant to be done. Little by little though things are begining to change. For the better for me. Slowly it as if tghe viels of gloom from winter are lifting and I feel hope in the air. Or maybe that is my wishful thinking. But hey is hope is better by far than hopelessness. I will choose the hope.

In the meantime 2 males have ruined my butt! No it souds funny but it's not. OS lately I have been having this burning pain in my ass around the hole and I'm like it is not a hemorrhoid cuase it just wasn't and it's not. Javiav explained to me after I told him symptoms today that I had a tear. I'd have to put like ointments and stuff on it and I couldn't use it for a moth. Use like sexually 'cause I am versatile and sometimes I need to be well... You get the idea. So it kind of sucks and my butt hurts and I like mean it really hurts and then I am thinking who could've caused such a tear and I know who it is. There are 2 of them and both of them are huge and both told me even though I said it hurts! Give me some time! that it was all good and just take it take it take it! Which I did. And now my ass has a cut/tear next to my hole which makes everything from sitting, to wearing underwear, to farting, to taking a shit, to cleaning my shit, to even taking a bath or shower fucking miserable.

SO I say all this to say next time a guy who is really big is about giddy up in you, and you are not sure you can take it then just don't! Do not let them pressure. I mean yeah you get an orgasm but you also get this pain which stays with you and when you like tell the male who gave you that tear, or at least helped contribute to it... Then they laugh at you. Like this certain male did. I told he should buy something since I am pain beacause of his pleasure little merde! Ahh bien.

On the flipside though this gives me a chance to further imporve upon my top technique which is pretty damn good and also lets me find a way to stop having dudes always grabbing or smacking my butt because I can all act like I am so hurt and shit! Which might be fun cause I love a good bit of drama. Don't you love a bit of drama precious? Course ya do luv, course ya do!

I dunno all in all life is okay. I am happy, I feel good, and I am doing goodthings. Oh well I did something not so nice. I laughed at someone in Chruch who couldn't sing but it was not my fault. No it was not. I tried to hold back the giggles and I even covered up my face with my coat but it was just not enough. I'm like if you sound funny you shouldn't do solos! And even though I love Sister Pomegranate alot well she sounds better blending in the choir than leading it. Or singing solos. It made me giggle. I could not help it and I laughed.

Oh and Henry the 8th tried to mind fuck me the day before and I was like don't be doing that but I think he and Anne Elizabeth are staying together. Call me crazy it is just something I feel in my heart. Which is fine but I no longer wish to hear about such foolishness. Dammit if he is that bad this early be rid of the male. What's the loss? I dunno some of my friends are dumbasses and they need the Lord. Well I don't have much else to say. Hope all of you are well and be blessed.

Why don't we go back in time? When I was yours and you were mine. Something something I like that song. SO I am still working on this grant here with POCAAN which if noghing else has cured my boredome and has been testing my intellectual abilities. There could be worse things and who knows I am an okay grant writer I'm owning that. This will be the 2nd one I have worked in the last 2 months so who knjows. They are still waiting to hear if that one got funded which it did so I'm good for fight now. Plus it puts a lil bit of cash in my pocket. I am actually saving it to a cd right now. SO here is to hoping POCAAN gets the grant. Oh and you're asking what is POCAAN? Yeah sorry it's the People of Color Against Aids Network. Not a bad organization. So I'm doing a lil charity for the community to, always gotta give back. Tonight hopefully I will have some fun. I need to get out and just kick it.

Eternity our love.... Why don't we go back in time.... Bada da da do-do-do....Why don't we go back in time? It is a really lovely song and it moved me.

Well let's see what do we have here? How has my fortunes changed since last week? Well rent is paid. Things are well in that aspect. I have been spending time with Mere KJ we have just been having some nice times together. He is a wealth of kindness and love in addition to much needed encouragement. Trumph, Mere KJ, and I all went to a most horrid job fair on Tuesday. It was the worst job fair I have ever been too and it is hardly worth mentioning expect that we went and then had IHOP afterwards. Those loaded potatos are very good. The bacon, chedder jack ones are the best to me.

I am now working with POCAAN the People of Color Against AIDS network as an odd under the table job on a grant. It is not so hard to write grants and who knows this may pay off as something more. It has put a tiny bit of cash in my pocket which I am grateful for. God still is watching out for me. Though my faith did linger is for the moment strong.

The weather in Seattle has been gtray and typical March like, though at times Spring attempts to push through. I am eagerly anticipating the sunlight, waiting for it to wash over me. Hopefully soon it will. This rain has become ever more wretched to me.

Terry is finally leaving King Henry the 8th and he has since stopped being Anne Bolyn! Thank God it was about time. Henry has been nothing but a manipulative, conniving, wishy washy up and down all over the place male to him and it is getting old. I hope to the lord our God that this time Terry follows thru and leaves him. I do not like to see my friends in pain. Speaking of friend's... Javiav is mad at me he thinks I do not pay enough attention to him. I think Javiav is kinda crazy. He always wants all of my attention and I told him, I always tell him, Javiav you are not my husband. But he doesn't listen. You know alot of males really do not listen to me. They always have something to say to me, but listening to me.... Huh? What? No they can never do that. Ahh bien.

Goodness me now the sun is shining outside. I love it. Spring day again!!!! I turn to an Elf at Spring. I do. I frolic and climb trees and sing and revel in the warmth of the day and night. I saw the Watchmen. It was good actually. I want Dr. Manhattan's powers because then I would be super bad assed and have powers. And powers are fun!

I think also that... Non I know that I still love Trumph and now I am starting to wonder if I should , or if we should try again... I might be open it to but I dunno it may be a mistake so I am cautious. Trumph and I may yet benefit from more time apart. I don't know that I want to be back in a relationship with him or nayone else for that matter. I revel in my freedom as a single male.

WHAT I WANT!

1. I want to kiss Mr. Jones. I dunno he is still cute to me.
2. I want to kiss Jared Schuler. He is cute to me 2.
3. I want go to the islands in the Sound this summer with Trumph. Just for a day. It was so beautiful last time we went.
4. I want Cliff to be well.
5. I want Javiav to not be so possesive and if he is attracted to me stop playing these games whatever they are.
6. I want Terry to find someone who trully loves him here in Seattle and to be happy.
7. I want a job that should be number one.
8. I want to find someone who loves me that I love or at least am attracted to. No more scray men wanting me. It's old. I change the channel each time it happens. But it sitll keeps happening.
9. I want this economy to get better and this recession to end.
10. I want simply to be happier and for God to continue to reveal himself to me.

Well the sun is shing and Im going y'all be blessed. Adieu!

Aujourd'hui il pleut. Ouais le pleut a retourne a Seattle. In typical Seattle fashion I am, out in the driving rain not at all wanting to be cooped up in my little room. I went to see Terry aka Anne Elizabeth (we fancy ourselves the Bolyn girls and so Terry is Anne Bolyn and Elizabeth the Queen of England the redheaded one and I am Mary Bolyn. I have not yet figured why he gets to be 2 Nobles and I just one but that's okay because try as he might with his man right now Terry is forever having her loped off by her Henry the 8th), and asked him to come to breakfast and he was all like call before you come and I said I did you did not answer and he lives right down the street and he was just being kinda bitchy so I was like whatever and I left and he said thanks in this sweet but bitchy way but I am over it. That's Anne Elizabeth Tudor Bolyn aka Terry Kelly for you. A Noble and Queen in every sense of the word. So then I was like you know I am hungry I mean I was still so got on the bus and wetn to Capitol Hill for some breakfast and now I'm full and blogging.

I feel better now. I am not so depressed as I have been and I feel more alive. I felt so sad this week earlier but we all have our days. This being said I have not lost my faith. If anything I have regained it. Which was much needed for my spirit. I was feeling tattered aboutthe edges. So much has happened in these six months I am now expecting the up and up to take place. I am waiting on the Lord for his guidance. I am trying to hear it more clearly every day.

Tharcisse is lost to me. He eded up being a Smithfield Whore so I left him stay in Smithfield and thank the good Lord I did not have sex with him and I am chalking him to another dating thing. God dating. It is hard sometimes but ahh bien. It's just you know someitmes I want a man and hten other times I'm like no way. At least no way right now. You have way too much going on. I do though at times miss Trumph in the way that it was or at least I miss having a man around ...Like I miss

1. Waking up with someone. My ex Goldie once said to me: "I wake every morning to those big brown eyes and loose myself in them each time and I beleive in those moments that I could wake up to that sight forever. " When he told me that it almost made me cry. I miss having someone near me in the morning to hold or just feel next to me. To awaken him with a kiss or smoemthing more I miss that.

2. Shared activites.
3. Sex. Well I suppose that is number one but I don't want to seem like a rowdy slut.
4. The security. Say what you will I like a male who can fight and protect me. That's proably why I am so attracted to football player build type brothas.

That's it really. Not too much else.

Javiav and I went drinking yesterday in our ghetto fashion which is us riding in his lexus drinking vodka and assorted beverages. I know it horribly dangerous but we did it and had a lovely time reconnecting it has bee awhile since I have seen him. We had a good time. It's funny once I was like in love with Javiav and now I am not. He is a loyal friend but as far as me wanting him for something more... No. That would be a disaster.

Aie guess who just came in?! Now you want to know about a Smithfield whore sitting near me is one of the biggest! Antonio the MethSlut! Everytime he sees me he looks up and down at me or makes this little face and I hate him. He is a vicious, rowdy, disgusting bitch who deserves nothing less than to be eviscerated. None of us like him and he is gross. Dirty slut! Filthy Whore! Wretched bitch! LOL! And worst of all he is positive and spreads it around by having unprotected sex with people to suport his meth habit that he thinks no one knows he has but all of us know. You can smell it on him. That's why he should be eviscerated. People have a right to know those htings and they should be allowed to make that choice. I've no fear of HIV. I don't I have dated people who have had it but I was informed of their status and knew what I was getting into. You know why is when people are mess they all have to look down at me? It always happens. The most fucked up people look down at me and it used to bother me but now I just laugh at them.

The new J Holiday CD is good you should check it out if you get a chance. Okay now there is a police officer in the Library and it looks like he is looking for someone. Why are the police here? He looks bloated too. LOL! Well he does and now he is leaving no they are mot they are going into the bathroom I think they are going to get someone or something. No he jus went to take a shit. Now they are leaving. Yay. I don't like the police. I'm sure you know why.


Okay so now I am kinda horny and I want to get into something today. Je besoin zigi. I kinda do. I do. I'm going to go find some. Bye!

Si il est Mecredei, il fait froid, and I am still in my funk. Not all the way but in a funk still doing what I must but still a funk. I am not liking the world very much right now. And I am feeling so very alone...*sad smile* Still I have kept my faith in some way. I know that God has something in store for me. Something goood. Plus I am not the only facing problems in this world or this nation at this moment. A very good friend of both Trumph and I when we wre a couple named Cliff has gone off the deep end and descended into a crystal meth fueled madness. No one has heard from or seen him in many many days and I am worried. The drug has taken him completly, he has lost his home, his job, and in many ways now himself. He has HIV too and I am so very worried that the next time we have news of him it will be to claim him from the morgue. Aie Saints and Jesus preserve us all please do not let that fate befall him. Please let him be safe and cared for at this moment and let him be redeemed.

Tears are falling from my eyes now. I know how he must be feeling. His mind is I'm sure reeling from the high and the omnious reality of his situation now crashing upon his soullike a ton of bricks... I think if he hurt himslef or were hurt anymore than he is now andI know to say this is selfish but I would feel just so much worse. There have been too many upsets lately, the death of a dear friend is hardly the last thing I want or need to deal with right now in my whirlpool life now. Please Lord of all wherever he is let him know there is hope for him. Let him know there is light that he can walk in out of the darkness of the drugs that are devouring him. Please.

In the meantime however life will go on and I will contiuneu to live it and just wait. Wait on the timeing of God and more importantly I shall guard and gird myself and my resolve. But for the grace of god there go I. Arrgh the guy next to me smells like ass and cafe. Gross. Yes pleeze move coffee gas butt! That was nasty sorry.

Well so then I go.....

Je suis fatigue... I am tired of the mal chance that seems to have invaded my life six months ago in october when all of this madness began of transition and breakups and becoming homeless than getting a place, and then loosing my job, and the list is ever growing nad endless and I am tired and I am weary and I am at my wits end. I likewise feel my faith being tested and I am pretty much over that too. I fsomething good will happen than please let it happen soon. I am tired of waiting tired or being so broke all the time, tired of all of it. This season has been degrading and worrisome and I am beginning to hate it. I am beginng to change and not in good ways. I think I am starting to despise males and view them in a way that is very base...I mean where I am at this point (which changes because I am so fucking moody it is not funny but more often than not lately I have been depressed or angry)I am like sex great miss me with the love and getting to know me, and wanting to be close... Even though I kinda of want that... ARRRGGHHH!!!! Total stream of the mind right now I am just tired! And I am enraged!

I fucking hate Trumph! I hate him someitmes! Trumph you left me you fat short bastard! You fucking selfish asshole you left me! You left me alone, on my own like a piece of garbage you foundi nthe street after 3 and half fucking years! My mind was a complete and utter fucking mess for sometimes because of that too. I had to live with strangers two sets of them for about a month and half to get my stuff back right! Part of this season has been your fault and even though we are firends I comfort you when you hurt because bitterness is dumb this whole situation still cna piss me off when I think of it! That's alrigth you little shit because in many ways your are repaing a whirlwind of what you did to me and so well... I suppose I have that vindication.

This economi situation is a small bit from the fallout of Trumph and I but loosing my job has topped the cake and I had this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that something like this would come to pass after I finally got my place, perhaps my sister is then not the only one in la famille avec la vue...I saw it to as clear as she has her visions and I thought no not me. I cannot see le Bon Dieu, my Father giving me a blessing to only deprive me of it and have me trully be homeless. Not at all! I will keep the sacarstic next line I was going to write in my mind. No sense putting it on here. BUt realy GOD WHERE ARE YOU!!!?? Because I will not go thru this again! I can't. I'd fucking rather die first! Okay not really but you understand what I mean. No I would not rather die first but still!!!!

All around me evil assed people and shady bastards and bitches prosper, people who are as amoral as Smithfield Whores do much better than I and I am just very tired. I understand now how people are being driven to do crazy shit to make it... Still I will just continue to do what I have to do even though uneployment is fucked, and I did not get that fucking tax refund last weekend, and I have not gotten job yet but been on interviews that are frankly becoming to me an exercise in futlilty!

I will keep my faith even if it almost all completley gone.

B. Scott - Bitch Hold My Ponytail (S2:12)

Oh my God it's the B. Scott song. I love it!!!

Bien bonjou mes zamis! Kommen z'affes? Bien j'espere. So here it is what has been going on with me lately. So everythig hinges on me getting my tax returns today which are supposed to be here today and I hope they are 'cause a brotha needs that money to pay my rent. And my cell phone bill. And get a haircut. And to just have some fucking fun since I have almost been a hermit because my phone is off and I can'tget ahold of anyone for naything unless I meet them out. I'm sure all of my copains are pissed at me. It is not my fault guys I am an econo victim. So I have been good an resisted some tempatations like stealing. Oh please like no one has ever thought f stealing when they are in dire straits so that is good. So GOD BLESS ME OKAY!

Okay! So this week I worked from Tues to Thurs at the Microsoft Web Hosting Summit at the Bellevue Westin as a French Translator. It was any easy job and I actually had a great time. Except now I have motre than anything a huge accent that has not gone way. I didn't have to do too much translating or interpreting so that was cool but I did do some. Can I just say too que les Blancs Francais can be freaking rude. Some of them were complete assholes. Most were not. All the Eastern Europeans were cool. So was the Italian Couple from Bologna and all of the Nederlanders were awesome. So I had a good time, I ate like ak ing there was so much food and I got a shitload of pens which you always need more of 'cause I don' know 'bout you but I always loose pens.

I did some other things to like I went ahead and had to be a gopher at times but hey I was kool with it. First of all I needed the money and I figured that this temp company was keeping tabs on my performance plus honestly I have worked alot harder for alot less money. Hopefully since I went ahead and did a good job than it is cool and Smart Talent gives me more work. Please give me more work that can head towards a job. 'Cause I need it. I do.

So that here I am and all is okay. It is early in the day so let's hope the rest of the day is good. And for all of you... All of you be blessed. Have a great day and a lovely weekend.

Bonjou guyz. Life goes on and it is spring here in Seattle. The sun is shining and it lovely here. Absolument. Demain is my translating job with the Microsoft convention let's hope it goes well. I hope it does. So here is to my first job since the layoff speaking Francais of all things. Salut a moi!

There are so many reason sometimes that males confound the hell out of me not the least of them being that males are so freaking strange. Let me xplain. We males or atleast those masculine and hypermasculine ones are like a paradox in everything to me. First they want you and chase you down like your some gazelle then when they get you, they leave and or they get you but they want someone else or they don't know what they want but wait they want to still have sex you with or whatever. This is the first scenario of males I have been dealing with sic Trumph my ex.

Or some males insist they are not attracted to you but they want all of your time way more so than your good Judy boy friend, they get angry at you if you make other plans especially when they are drunk, they want to know... No they demand to know who you are sleeping with as if they are and they get all butt hurt when you decide not to indulge in the dance of their narcissm with them especially if they are not attracted to you or at least they insist that they are but everytime you fight the whole world thinks you guys are fucking... Sic Javiav!

Some males are wishy washy and confused that have no idea what they are doing or what they want and you sometimes feel stupid for even fucking slightly with them. But then again hey you are such a sucker for males who are bigger in girth or size then you are...Sic Myk.

Some males just want to fuck but instead of saying that they have to lie about it and actually attempt to show interest in you, interest they oftentimes have difficulty maintaining if you are not a stupid slut. If you're a stupid rowdy slut or some Smithfield Whore you already have their attention because you are more than likely sucking their dick or letting them shove their dick up your ass or whatever. If not then they have to wait. Here is my thing if you want to fuck me or wahtever just say that. U aint gotta lie to kick it for real you don't. Like if you want it and I like you, and we've got condoms okay we can do the damn thing. Aint not thing just please don't lie. I don't need anyone trying to emotionally manipulate me. Sic... Way too many males I have met in this life.

And then some males are perfect so you think and you get with them. And then. Mon Grand Met and then they turn all crazy or violent on you and you have 2 choices. Leave them or murder them. I wish I could've murdered the man who beat on me. I didn't though, it would've been really messy and unexpediant. Instead I left but the scars from that time still haunt me to this day. Fists can leave so much more than bruises and broken bones.

I guess that's all. It laways makes me laugh when straight women and some men think or dating and relationship lives are so much easier than theirs. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Gay and Bisexual men are pieces of work, I should know I am one of htem and I have at times have been some of those males but not often. Usually I am not. Dating is not easy and I am starting to like not like it. It is starting to be.... A painful chore. God this season of transition. Will it never end.


Confounding males. Confounding males I swear.

B. Scott Proclaims Be Grateful For What You Have (S2:11)

Sometimes we just have to hear some positive messages like this. Myself included.

So I had this interview today which I fucking struggled to get and youi have no idea the elements in Seattle are no joke I despise the rain heree sometimes. However I got a tour of the place, ment the staff, and got the job description which seems to be things I am qualified to do, and I think I charmed the head person so... Keep your fingers crossed, say a prayer for me, and here is to hoping.

New York Post apologizes for Obama Cartoon aka Monkey murdered in CT

This is hilarious but true take a looksey

Silverhawks - 24 - The Fighting Hawks 3/3

The finale

Silverhawks - 24 - The Fighting Hawks 2/3

Part 2

Silverhawks - 23 - Zeek's Fumble 3/3

The finale

Silverhawks - 23 - Zeek's Fumble 2/3

Part 2

Silverhawks - 23 - Zeek's Fumble 1/3

Here is a cartoon today the Slverhawks just for you guyz! Enjoy!

So I forgave that male I ranted about from yesterday. Also had a lovely evening last night running the streets of Seattle with my people. So yes I fogave him and he forgave me. And now all is well. And I had a great breakfast and then I watched Nanking. Good movie about Japanese war crimes, specifically the Rape of Nanking or Nanjing in 1937. If you have not seen it chewck it out. It is moving and illuminating. Then I just kinda chilled nad now I'm blogging. All in all an okay day. AND I stll have my JAYSURS JUICE LEFT!!!!! WOOOOHOOOOO!!!!! Paix mes zamis!!!

Tank - Please Don't Go - (www.IHip-Hop.com)

Even though in reposne to the rant I am not so evil. I was wrong, where is my forgiving spirt. Maybe my rage just aint worth it, so maybe I should apologize to him for being so hateful. Even though he totally started it. But... No i will say sorry. As for this song it has nothing to do with the rant except for thae fact that it deals with regrets and I realized just now with this person he is and has been inspite of faults and alright person. So maybe I should value that friendship.

A RANT AT THE MAN WHO HIT ME LAST NIGHT

I hate you! I hate you because of all those fucking lies you have told about me around this city! You have told people that Trumph physically abused me! You have told several people in and outside of our circle that I am a prostitue and have sex with men for money and drugs! You have claimed once that I had sex with you while we were both in an altered state! You have smiled in my face and told these lies to whoever would listen to them for a long time now and i have always shut my mouth and smiled at you. I was gave you a pass because of my issues. Which I always hated doing but I did it because I like peace but you are a fuckin peace of work!!! Because you are a drug addict who is somehow a drug counselor. Which kills me. You do crystal meth and then attempt to get people to stop doing it!!!! R U fucking kidding me!

Because after Trumph and I broke up you tried to make a pass at me and I told you then I thought you were fucking disgusting and I do. You are fat, you stutter like some backwards retard, you stink because your fat ass is always in the same clothes or you have meth shit seeping out of your pores. You are disgusting, you are prutrid, you are a liar, you are a looser and I hate you.

So yes I was drunk last night when you came over and Javiav should not have even met with you that night but I have been feeling all this for a while and so yes all my evilness came out and you punched me. Well because I was drunk it didn't hurt, right away at least and I suppose I had that coming. But I despise you from this day forward you fat, evil, backwards bastard and I am going to fix you and I don't have to touch you to do it. You left a piece of hair over here last nite you ass!!!

Have you never met a Creole before?! Don't you know what we are known for! Do you not know the lengths a Creole Man or Woman will go thru to be avenged!!?? Non you don't but I promise you will very soon.

I hate you with a passion and I will watch and wait until you slip up and then I will deal with you. And I can't fucking beleive I fed your fat ass last nite too!!! OHHHHHH! Je te deteste! Je te deteste!!!!

J Holiday -

So these are some videos fro you Mr. Man some songs of amour for you and I trhink you know who you are So here is number 1.

Bonjou mes zamis, aujourd'hui nous avons un fete diner pou rien. just because Terry and I want too. We are cooking chicken which is marinading in 2 sauces. Lemon Pepper and Herb and Roasted Garlic. It will taste delicious of course we seasoned the chicken already so it will be very easy. It will just be I suppose the 4 of us, Terry, Jai, Dante, and myself. Well maybe not dante but we have to leave food for him. I have resolved to be nice to him even though sometimes je pense il est un cul. mais parfois je suis un cul aussi. So wish us a good one et bon appetit!!!!

You wanna know a secret? There's this boy and I think he likes me. Like for a boyfriend. His name is ____ and sometimes when we are out he buys me stuff to drink and gives me kisses and stuff. And I Like him too. And I am just enjoying that for right now. He is good guy and I think I could fall for him.... I think I could. But don't tell _______ him okay. 'Cause 'cause I don't want him to know that yet okay? Okay? 'Cause I do like him for a boyfriend I just am not wanting to tell him that yet. But he sure is pretty.....Sigh!

Chava Alberstein - Melache Meluche

This song always makes me smile.
Melokhe Melukhe

Ver se veyst nit, ver se veyst nit,
Zol atsindert visn:
Vi shver un biter,
Karg un shiter
S'kumt undz on der bisn..
Hey, lebedik freylekh
Lebedik freylekh
Vos iz do der khidesh?
Melokhe-melukhe,
Zingt bimnukhe
A lidele a yidshs
Bin ikh mir a shusterl,
Klap ikh mir a flekl
Ongeton a fartekhl,
Darf ikh nit keyn rekl..

Zits ikh oyfn benkele,
Tantst bay mir der hamer
Hob ikh nit keyn shtibele,
Voyn ikh in a kamer

Gist un gist a regndl,
Vakst un vakst di blote
Zits ikh oyfn benkele,
Un lateve a late

Wrong Lover - J Holiday Feat Rick Ross (2008) With LYRICS

I love this song so I hope you guyz enjoy.

Bonjou mezs zamis. So what can I say? Where can I begin? AND should I even say anything? Sonce Ocotber 19, 2008 my life it seems has been a roller coaster of emotions, of feelings, and of experiences both good and bad... Though more of the bad than the good. I have laughed, cried in the bitter watches of the night, shivered in the dark with fear and terror of the coming dawn, ached to be held, fallen and risen again, I have made love, I have comforted those I cared for, raged with hatred and bitterness, and I have at times ached with lonlieness. I have moved 3 times, contended with an at first very smug and at times to me wretchedly confusing and confounding ex boyfriend and I have in some ways made my peace with him. I have lost my job and been at times so broke I could spit and yet still I am here.

And in my last post I cried out really to the Bon Dieu and asked GOD WILL IT NEVER END?! I meant that. It was not for pity and dramatic effect. It was a real cry for help. I was and have been so tired. I have been tired of all the stuff I have had to deal with, all the pain, all of the confusin and crazieness, and all I wanted was a little bit of calm and a respite of sanity. No more crisises! This last one the loosing of my hjob almost sent me off of the deep end. We all know how screwed up and wrong this economy is. And I do not have someone to watch my back, no live in male to be like I gotchu boo, you're gonna be alright. Yet it never fails to surprise me the well springs of strenght we can find in ourselves even when all seems bleak, nor the promises of the Bon Siegneur to come thru for us all. Et Merci Jesu for keeping me and protecting me thru all of this.

Yesterday I think for the moment I found a blessing perhaps in a new job, keeping my fingers crossed which will be nice, my unemployment I believe has been approved, and I have food to eat. All in all I have learned to count my blessings and I am surpised to find that they are enough.

As for males.... Well.... I don't want to jinx this but I met someone yesterday and we went out last night and I have not had a better date since Trumph and I ended in all these times and days. His name is Tharcisse and he is handsome, seems kind, and I really like him. He just seems to be I dunno right... not like Mr. Right but just he seems to be what I don't know. I feel things but not so deep I did just meet him. But he was so sweet and he seems to like me alot too. So I suppose to say in short, I guess The Bon Dieu works it all out and he is real and I just continuing to trust and believe in him.

And above all else in spite of everything these last 5 months I am still okay. Au revoir mes amis be good to yourselves and each other my luvs.

Well I have been quiety as of late and I will be for ahwile untilk things right themselves. You see I lost my job recently and I have just fallen into a great depression. I feel so tired. I feel like Elis De Vries nee Rachel Stein in Zwaart Boek when she finds out that Muntze has just been executed by those Nazi Schlopfs and she screams:

MY GOD WILL IT EVER END!!??? Ouais, juste comme ca. I feel just like that. Since October the 19 I have lost my home and boyfirend all at once. In loosing Trumph I have also lost Bumpalump, I haven't seen him since late Oct. So all at once I lost my family and home. Moved in with others, finally got a place in Dec, just rebuilding and now this happens!!! MY GOD WILL IT EVER END!!???

I need a break. I meed to not have this stress, I need to be able to breath and just have things go right for me. And it is so hard now, and I am not whining I am just feeling so low. Valentine's Day is approaching and never have I felt more alone than now. This season has just been much too long and I wish it to be over. This season of ill luck and break ups and new beginings or endings or whatever the fuck you wanna call it. I want just something good to happen. Can something good just happen? Please tell me God when will it all end?

Fresh Approach Meets MrKyon

This is an interview I gave to Shaun on Fresh Approach take a listen and learn more abut me.