Bonjou mes zamis, c'est Kyon.... Aie aie where to begin... I have to remind myself that I am wrioting this not only for myself but for others who may experience or who are going through what I am feeling....So here goes. My brain is awhirl literally with exhaustion such as I have only experienced after a meth binge. Hey I am being real.... If you are going to judge or are uncomfortable stop reading then. I don't know what is real and what is not and for a moment I almost lost it today at work. Why you may ask because I have no entered deeper into the realm of having a House In Virginia, by now taking meds. One in particular atripla. One pill a day and it is giving me the most psychotic and unsettling vivid dreams I have ever had. More like fucking hallucinations while sleeping. I feel like Bo from Lost Girl when she was battling the Nightmare! They told me the one pill a day for the rest of my life would protect me from danger and harm but for a week my mind wqould be subject to a Nightmare that I feel is driving me to the very fucking edge of madness even now as I write to you I am not sure mes zamis that is Kyon...? Is it me. Aie siegneur mo pe crier! Most definately I need a Baku to eat my dreams this week and make me sane again.

Yes too many things so I appreached my friend who told me basically that I was okay that I would get through this he promised me thaqt as I had tears in my eyes and I believe him. All this because I made a mistake. All this because I trusted hte wrong person, all this because I lowered my guard... Okay enough of that. The point is I have life saving meds that are kinda making me nutty for the moment and that is okay. I am still alive and healthy. Work is great timesheets are due so I am going to be paid again soon and I have greater job security now though I would rather not say why because it is sensitive in nature. Let's just say I have been prepared thoroughly by those who knew my skilss would ocme in handy. I am just waiuting for things to even out with these meds. So wish me luck. Oh lord I still feel like I am reeling though. Show love to those you care for and be good to those you love.

This post is a two part thing. Firstly it is announcing to all of you that I did great on my internship and got an A+ and I am leaving school for this round with a good grade point. Last quarter I ahd way to many classes and stuff just became abysmal! So that is a great accomplishment hurrah for Kyon!!!! Also health is great and I am doing great, I actuallly got a voucher at Lifelong and got some new threads which are cute for a secon hand store so I am loving my new fits. Hurrah more clothes for Kyon!!!! Hey ifr I am not my biggest cheer leader who else will be it for me? 'Nuff said. I am doing well at POCAAN I even believe they might hire me and I getting really excited. I go to certification for HIV testing on the 12th and 13th of April and I could not be more excited. Another skill to put on my resume! Life is good on the prof level, I am still broke but I have strong feeling that this state may change very soon. So now the reason fore this post is a scholarship I have just entered where I apparantly must talk about my school and how I can't find what I am getting there anywhere else. It also has to 500 words or less. The scholarship is for 1000 dollars which I of course could use so that being said here goes: I began attending Seattle Central Community College about 2 years ago now at a time when I was definately in a maelstrom. I had just been laid off from a dead end job and I had resolved it would be the last such job I ever had to work. I was one month into a new place, unsure of my future, and alone. A friend of mine Erinn Moore suggested I go back to school citing that I did not have a degree and here was my chance not only to do something while recieiving unemployment but to also possibly better myself. Since that day I have never looked back. Seattle Central Community College has been to my suprise a home away from home, a place of solace, as well as an institution of learning and professional instruction. What makes Seattle Central Community College so special, so unlike anywhere else I have ever learned is the commitment that most of the insturctors have for their students. They actually care about your success and it is not just lip service or some loftly ideal they tell themselves to soothe their ever bloated conciences. They show that concern in how they teach you, they demonstrate their concern with you when they comfort you when a close relative or friend dies or is hurt. I believe that the teachers at the school are cognizant that learning happens in a holistic way and the school is set up with that in mind. There have been times when I have not been able to pay my rent, when I have lost loved ones and had a bad term, there have even been times when as a full time student in my early 30's I wanted to simply just give it all up. Teachers like Peggy Martin-Waters, Bob Groschell, Ernie Rombouts, and Dani Long made sure however that these issues did not determ e from my goal of getting my BA and making something of myself. They pointed me towards resources at school that I could use to get help. In short their dedication to me bolstewred my own and I firmly beleive it was not for the professors at Seattle Central Community College I would not be where I am now. Now as I stand ready to apply to the Bachelors Program at Seattle Central I am full of hope and realizing that I can do this. I do not know where I would have been once again if I had not begun attending Seattle Central Community College. I learned so much and I have come so far. I can only go further and higher and I believe at this school I will. Becasue you see home is not just a place that you live it is also the place where you learn as well. The teachers at Seattle Central taught me that. This scholarship is sponsored by CenturyLinkQuote.com.

Bonjou mes zamis! Yest it has been quite awhile in fact the last I spoke to y'all was last year. Wow that's like 6 months about. So alot has happened. I am first of all in excellent health which is important and I am in some ways a better place mentally than before. Not so much doom and gloom as before but very much still in the struggle. I am now doing my internship at POCAAN which is at times a little boring but I am gaining experience and I am enjoying my work there. I just need to get paid by someone. As usual money is forever a problem but I somehow manage to live my life and get by, by God's Grace. In fact tomorrow I am going to be doing a great deal of work at my internship which should be pretty exciting. Wish me luck and pray for increased favor. And hopefully that all this will pay off with a job and night classes for my bachelors in 2012 and 2013. I am so hopeful it all is seeming to come together finally the light in the tunnel is so much brighter. It has been a journey filled with tears, frustration,m tired nights, long days and it is not over yet but I have made it this far.

Amour:
I really at times feel like Bo the Succubus on Lost Girl and I am loving that show by the way. Even though I am a guys so I would be an Incubus Fae right? At any rate I still have Mr W and Trumph both in my life though Mr. W more so these days and Trumph less. Both have their different points but with both I feel that I can't choose to fully commit to either of them. The fact that I share history with both males is part of the problem both of them burned me and I am not holding a grudge about that fact but in my mind for both of them it made me wary and unwilling to really lower my guard again. I love them both but I prefer to love at a distance. I am still not really in a trusting mode. Plus both are transitioning though at what rate how I can't tell. Trumph is a far cry from the man I fell in love with. He is weaker, more easily hurt and his mind is at times scattered. With him I feel love but I feel overwhelmed like how can I possibly stem the tide of emotion with him because he feels so much that is as if you are drowning with him. I must admit at times the emotional force, the unrestrained rawness of how he feels is so overwhelming that it unsettles me. I am still getting myself on the right path as far as my feelings on certain matters so yes it at times frightens me.
Then we have Mr. W who I love but who is unlike Trumph not the brightest bulb in the bunch. He is also jealous in a way that Trumph never was and I dislike that. Yes by the way I know that I at times can be jealous but I show my claws to those who have earned that privilege. Mr. W also feels deeply but I don't know... He does not understand me I think the way Trumph does. Bah okay no more of the males... Well wait okay I will say this I am in my mind unattached. I do what I wish within reason and I am not messy about what I do. If another male came my way and swept me off my feet like _____ or someone else I would not be opposed to it but I am not looking for what I have going on to change nor I am trying to fall head over heels. In fact Mr. W called me a player which I found ironic and somewhat comical because never have I been given that appellation nor have I thought of my self as such. How time changes things?

The Winter Court is no more. Lady Maeve has left Seattle for Cali and Titania now lives back in Chitown. The Summer Knight Erock has left for Miami and I barely ever see the ErlKing these days (as if I would), all has changed but we are still friends on FB though I long to see Titania and I do miss her. Being broke does not have any advantages...





I am loving tv though for some reason I stay home a little bit more and actually watch certain shows. Walking Dead, Being Human, Lost Girl, and Friday Night Cartoon on Cartoon Network are my teledictions which is cool. I am loving these shows and thoroughly enjoying them. Especially Lost Girl, which is sexy and fun for me. I am all over anything to do with the Fairy Folk so of course. I am Mab still and still known to be the Queen of the Winter Court. That has not changed but it is a lot harder to like have little alter egos when half of your friends are gone. Oh well life is change and we must adapt.



Oh and by now you know unless you live under a rock that Whitney Houston is gone. Died last Saturday afternoon. Tragic and sad and a voice that we will never hear again. I actually shed a tear, not because I knew her for I did not, but because her choices were what got her at times into trouble and having struggled with addiction I know how it can be. She was a reality check not because I need one right now either but because sometimes you just need to reminded look where you could be. At any rate I hope she is singing to the Lord now and has been made new and I pray her daughter is okay.

So there alot has been taking place but I am still here and you know what I am blessed it is Valentines Day and I am alone and I feel damn good. Life is good and I am happy and even though I have my problems and issues I am glad to be me and so I am so thankful. Show some love to those you feel it for tonight and all be blessed. Adieu and thanks for reading guyz!

I am sitting at CCs just contemplating. The last couple of weeks have been pleasant if not a little stressful. Of course that's me I sometimes make things so much more difficult than they have to be. I still am that lil 18 year old cravin love, needing desperately to be accepted. And yet I am not because I am sitting seule blogging and not giving a damn. Gotta love da crackberry. In spite of the fact that I am at this moment broke and no man is tryin to holla I feel good. School is good, I'm working in my field, and things are progressing in the right way and I feel great. Adieu mes zamis and be blessed.

Kelly Rowland - Commander ft. David Guetta

Enrique Iglesias, Usher - Dirty Dancer ft. Lil Wayne

Ke$ha Featuring B.o.B. - Blow Remix (Audio)

Bon apres midi mes zamis! I have finally a quiet moment to myself. Things are going okay.... Life is still a struggle but I am prepared and quite determined to get this education. So my plan to be done however by Fall looks like it will be Winter. If that is not enough of having to readjust schedules et al I have to write 2 papers, I have a presentation due, paperwork to turn in, a grant for work to do so I can do all this stuff within the next couple of weeks. J'envie comme un zombi et je besoin de sel que vivre. Well that is a bit dramatic but I mean it is how I feel. On the other hand life is going well aside from the break neck pace I am maintaining. I have not had a break down like I did last year and almost ruin my schooling and my future. The House in Virginia is under control though I have to admit that I have had to slow down on my drinking. I just am handling my business but God what a life of craziness it is. Just busy that's all. Now I am having a little time to myself, and tomorrow I am going to the Art Walk because by GOD I deserve that time.

Life is going well aside from the business though. The last grant went really well, my grades are all good, and my social life has been full though I am not dating all of my friends here have been great. I am not dating and I am also not really having sex. Which I need. I need some at some point I will probably reach out to Trumph again, I have not seen him for some time and I miss him. Big surprise right? Yeah I still love Trumph but hey I always will. He is still in many ways the man for me. It's just his Pisces indecisiveness that drives me crazy at times but he is still my Trumph.

You know life is so funny the things that we take for granted, the things that we think will always be but are not in any way promised to us. This past week Maurice Murrell a model, actor, and very dear friend to many in NYC died. Now I have never met Maurice but I have seen his work and some videos with Jared Schuler a blogger and NYC BGM socialite, they were best friends I believe. IT was just so sad to know he was gone. So many poured out condolences and are I believe still grieving for his loss. IT struck a chord in me this loss of a man I have never known. Firstly that tomorrow is really not promised, secondly that life is what I, Kyon Jibrile Saucier make of it and therefore I must keep on doing what I am doing and doing it well.
Also I need to make sure that I make the most of my friends I have now because who knows. So this tragedy even though it really had nothing to do with me has given me a new or should I say has reinforced a recently forming perspective (over the past year forming) within me. And I am grateful to have really finally gotten this lesson now. And yes I am walking in that lesson.
That being said if you have someone you love let em know. Because tomorrow aint promised. And then don't grow weary with doing well, keep on doing what you know is right. Adieu chers! PAIX!!!

Oh and I will tell you how ART WALK went this weekend!

State of the World's Human Rights - Amnesty International Report 2011