Un Homme Noir / A Black Man

2011-08-12T22:05:00.000-07:00

I am sitting at CCs just contemplating. The last couple of weeks have been pleasant if not a little stressful. Of course that's me I sometimes make things so much more difficult than they have to be. I still am that lil 18 year old cravin love, needing desperately to be accepted. And yet I am not because I am sitting seule blogging and not giving a damn. Gotta love da crackberry. In spite of the fact that I am at this moment broke and no man is tryin to holla I feel good. School is good, I'm working in my field, and things are progressing in the right way and I feel great. Adieu mes zamis and be blessed.

Kelly Rowland - Commander ft. David Guetta

2011-06-27T16:32:00.000-07:00

Enrique Iglesias, Usher - Dirty Dancer ft. Lil Wayne

2011-06-27T16:25:00.000-07:00

Ke$ha Featuring B.o.B. - Blow Remix (Audio)

2011-06-27T16:18:00.000-07:00

2011-06-01T17:23:00.000-07:00

Bon apres midi mes zamis! I have finally a quiet moment to myself. Things are going okay.... Life is still a struggle but I am prepared and quite determined to get this education. So my plan to be done however by Fall looks like it will be Winter. If that is not enough of having to readjust schedules et al I have to write 2 papers, I have a presentation due, paperwork to turn in, a grant for work to do so I can do all this stuff within the next couple of weeks. J'envie comme un zombi et je besoin de sel que vivre. Well that is a bit dramatic but I mean it is how I feel. On the other hand life is going well aside from the break neck pace I am maintaining. I have not had a break down like I did last year and almost ruin my schooling and my future. The House in Virginia is under control though I have to admit that I have had to slow down on my drinking. I just am handling my business but God what a life of craziness it is. Just busy that's all. Now I am having a little time to myself, and tomorrow I am going to the Art Walk because by GOD I deserve that time.

Life is going well aside from the business though. The last grant went really well, my grades are all good, and my social life has been full though I am not dating all of my friends here have been great. I am not dating and I am also not really having sex. Which I need. I need some at some point I will probably reach out to Trumph again, I have not seen him for some time and I miss him. Big surprise right? Yeah I still love Trumph but hey I always will. He is still in many ways the man for me. It's just his Pisces indecisiveness that drives me crazy at times but he is still my Trumph.

You know life is so funny the things that we take for granted, the things that we think will always be but are not in any way promised to us. This past week Maurice Murrell a model, actor, and very dear friend to many in NYC died. Now I have never met Maurice but I have seen his work and some videos with Jared Schuler a blogger and NYC BGM socialite, they were best friends I believe. IT was just so sad to know he was gone. So many poured out condolences and are I believe still grieving for his loss. IT struck a chord in me this loss of a man I have never known. Firstly that tomorrow is really not promised, secondly that life is what I, Kyon Jibrile Saucier make of it and therefore I must keep on doing what I am doing and doing it well.
Also I need to make sure that I make the most of my friends I have now because who knows. So this tragedy even though it really had nothing to do with me has given me a new or should I say has reinforced a recently forming perspective (over the past year forming) within me. And I am grateful to have really finally gotten this lesson now. And yes I am walking in that lesson.
That being said if you have someone you love let em know. Because tomorrow aint promised. And then don't grow weary with doing well, keep on doing what you know is right. Adieu chers! PAIX!!!

Oh and I will tell you how ART WALK went this weekend!

State of the World's Human Rights - Amnesty International Report 2011

2011-05-24T19:00:00.000-07:00

Brandy - I Thought (Rough Mix)

2011-05-21T14:13:00.000-07:00

Marques Houston - Sunset

2011-05-19T18:54:00.000-07:00

Rick Ross - Aston Martin Music feat. Drake And Chrisette Michele

2011-05-19T18:50:00.000-07:00

Beyoncé - Run The World (Girls) (Interview w/ Ciara)

2011-05-19T18:47:00.001-07:00

Lady Gaga - Judas

2011-05-19T18:46:00.001-07:00

Kelly Rowland feat. Lil Wayne Motivation

2011-05-19T18:46:00.000-07:00

Shakira feat. Kid Cudi "Did It Again"

2011-05-19T18:45:00.000-07:00

2011-05-19T18:30:00.000-07:00

Bonojou mes zamis!!! Y'all missed me huh? Have you. Well I hope so. So let's see what is happening. Well my little part time gig at POCAAN is at a halt for now, as in I have not been in this week. The weather has been glorious and I have had alot of work to do. Pretty much that is the case. Plus doctors appointments and a dental appointment. The doctors appointment only took 3 tubes of blood which is good for me, I was not in pain when I left. Always a plus these days. Then went to the dentist and I have not been for like 10 years, awhile I know but my teeth are really good. Which they should be cause my smile is like a big pull and asset for me in the department de l'amour si tu konprann pourquoi mo vle garde mon sourire ouias? I mean toothlessness looks bad on everyone but so much worse I think it would look on me.
Homework is coming for me but under control school is good and tonight I am hanging out with Erock. He is leaving soon and I will miss him. Actually so many of the People are leaving Seattle now. Titania is returning to ChiTown, Lady Maeve is heading to LA, and Erock is going off to Florida. I will be left without a significant amout of good friends. What will I do? I suppose I will leave too. Though ATL is not the place for me to go to I think... Further East maybe... I just know I have outgrown Seattle. My future is else where.

Life is good though. I haungo ut in the sun went on a walk with Erock and enjoyed my friend and the sun in Seattle which has been gorgeous lately. We have one day left before the evil forces of rain return. I know I hate it. Oh and BTW can I just say I am hating the way that even though I am almost done with school how this school is keeping me from getting these last classes. It is too much craziness. Still these are trivial issues life is okay for now and I am plugging away.

We shall see what takes place next ouais. Adieu and show love to all those who love you and who you love....

Cee Lo Green 'Bright Lights Bigger City' OFFICIAL VIDEO

2011-05-19T18:25:00.000-07:00

Miley Cyrus - Can't Be Tamed (Rockangeles Remix) [feat. Lil Jon] - Full ...

2011-05-19T18:09:00.000-07:00

2011-05-03T18:40:00.000-07:00

Bonjou mes zamis so I am back it has been sometime. I have been busy busy busy and running. I have been defying gravity well kinda.... I am listening to that song right now. *Smile* I have been okay. Tired really. These 18 credits are no joke and I have found a temporary job right now and I am exhausted. The job is working for POCAAN The People of Color Against AIDS Network. Basically I am grant writing and doing technical advising and helping to put together a focus group for a new program that will hopefully get POCAAN back to it's glory days. We shall see at least it will help me have some cash for a lil while. It is nice to do a job that is mentally challenging even if it is on the other hand tiresome.
So right now I am chilling before I have to write a paper, and email it to a prof for psychology I just finally finished my sociology homework, I have a midterm in their on Friday. I tell you it never stops does it! Yet it is a good tired. Still have not gotten on the meds yet though that has been my intention. I have to go by there tomorrow morning and see what it is up with that...All should be handled on that front by the morning.

Tomorrow my cousin Chella, Trumph, and I will head to the movies to see Jumping the Broom for free at 7 and I can't wait. Tween you and me Imma see if Trumph can stay over for the night after. I need some affection u feel me. Life is good I am not complaining at this point. I hooked up with Titania this past weekend and had a blast. I also saw Chella on Monday and spent her birthday with her. It was kool. Good food and alot of sweets. Good business I think. All in all I am not mad at this life I have for now and I feel a certain kind of satisfaction of seeing it all coming together in these twisting ways.... Basically I am loving it. Oh and the sun has been out more too! Well ciao mes amis soyez bon!

2011-04-07T16:13:00.000-07:00

Well here I am again another day of struggle and life how lovely it is... Aie pardon moi mes zamis, bonjour... Ou actuellment bon apres midi. Je suis fatiguee maintenant, c'etait un long jour. At any rate wassup guys I am blogging again. I have been a lil lazy with that for that I apologize. But at any rate I am well. I had to switch my case manager over, and hopefully I have money coming that will help my economic situation which like most everyone I know or have some acquaintance with is dire. School is wonderful though, I made the Dean's list again and this quarter while promising to busy is so far off to a good start.

Health

Well I have decided to go on meds. I believe that it will be helpful for me and keep me okay. I don't have to go there but I have decided to do that. Other than I am okay... For now, knock on wood, throw salt over my shoulder, and pray... Mentally I am okay. I have good days and then I have some days when I could just well... You can guess but I am okay I am blessed and I am happy. My health is aiight and for that I am most grateful.

School

SO I decided I will pursue this bachelor's program here because I don't have one so I have till late April to get that done and I will. Slowly but surely my life is becoming via education the life I want. And when it does fuck all the naysayers and haters... The greatest revenge on those who told me I could never, who doubted me, who withheld their aid is to simply be successful and each step I take draws me closer to that end. So yay for Kyon!!!

Amour

Quoi? What is that? It is going to take a really great and understanding man to sweep me off my feet at this point. And while I have friends that is all I want. Friends, not looking for a man. I am undergoing a transformation and when that is done then yes but not at this juncture. Not until I am at least done with this first round of schooling and getting a job in the field.

Books
So I have been reading a bunch lately and have some good books for you guys if you are interested.

I just finished:

Darfur Ambiguous Genocide by Gerard Prunier, good book for those who want to understand the current situation in Darfur and the Sudan at large. I learned from this one.

Kwame Nkrumah The Political Kingdom in the Third World by David Rooney. Reading this now, a very interesting and 3 dimensional view of Kwame Nkrumah Ghana's first President and Independence Leader. Learning from this one.

The Translator A Tribesman's Memoir of Darfur by Daoud Hari. A Genocide narrative of the situation in Darfur. Very good just started this and I can only say it is harrowing. Daoud's story is one that every human should read and most especially if you are someone of African Descent.

Worse Than War: Genocide, Eliminationism, and the Ongoing Assault on Humanity by Daniel Jonah Goldhagen. This book was excellent. It spoke basically about genocide and elimitionationism and what exactly we as ordinary people can do about it and what the international community should be doing. Not only did I learn a great deal from this book but it changed my life and my views of international and geopolitics.

Indian Summer: The Secret History of the End of an Empire by Alex Von Tunzelmann. An excellent book about India's Independence and the creation of Pakistan. I learned a great deal of knowledge from this book and I have to say it is one of the best books one could read on the subject of modern India and Pakistan, especially as a way of getting some real foundation on this history of those countries.

So get out there and read a book. Or at least one of the ones I have suggested it will stimulate your mind.

Money

I need it you got any. I have been job hunting and wondering how that will go hopefully it will go well cause I need a job. So we will see please continue to pray for me that I find something that will be compatible with my school schedule.

Overall life is challenging but I am enjoying it and I am doing my best. It is all I can do. Are you? Remember to show love to all those who need it and even those you think don't deserve it and have a wonderful week folkz. Until we meet again, a tout alors! Adieu mes zamis!

2011-03-09T09:18:00.000-08:00

I am sitting here at Lifelong AIDS Alliance waiting for an appt. I will have 2/3rds of my rent paid on the morrow. I am getting some money for the appt I am in and I am still awaiting word on a job that will help me continue going to school. It's a typical gray and rainy day in Seattle. Yesterday I had a nice time with Generalissimo Coop. He is a pretty handsome male from back east and he occasionally has army business here in the Seattle area so we get together. He is not a kind man he is as he says a self proclaimed asshole but he has never treated me in any way that I can honestly say is disrespectful. And he is a gentle lover at least and so he took me out to eat. We went to BJs and it was aiight but I don't think realy worth it. I mean the food was good but the calzones we ordered left something to be desired. They simply were not big enough. I like GC. he is a nice guy even under all that tough exterior.
Today after I am done I am supposed to see Mr. W...I am not sure what we will do today but I hope it will be fun. Last evening was pleasant since it is now the commencement de la semaine du Mardi Gras. I know every Creole's favorite holiday apres Noel. I got 3 bead rings and I didn't have to do anything nasty for them. There was a big dick contest and I thought about entering but I decided against it. Somethings I have no desire to do anymore. I'm a little too old for that now.. Well not really I just didn't feel like being exhibitionistical la nuit dernier. And yes I know exhibitionistical is not a word. I get it.
Life is still good, a struggle but good. I have papers coming out my ears and so many ideas floating about in my mind. I feel really good about stuff though. My health is still good and holding and for that I most grateful.
Now as of late if I may share I have been having the strangest dreams. Not bad ones just strange ones and it is kinda funny because they are basically all themed males various males that maybe I knda have thing for and many of them I really do not know fighting over me. It is kinda gratifying in a way I mean who doesn't want to be fought over. I do sometimes if I am being really honest. But at any rate I wonder what the dreams mean. Is there some new male on my horizon.... Well if there is may he not come for at least 1 year. I need to stay single. I am enjoying being single. I suppose now adays I am really abhoring the tug of reins. Males all of the men I have ever been with even Mr. W in some way seek to have mastery over me.
And I do not want men to have mastery over me I want them to partener with me, don't get me wrong I do not mind at times being submissive in a relationship but I will not walk behind my man for his own sake. Nor will I have some male commanding me about as if I am their personal concubine. I have been that man once before and the situation was not only triesome but hazardous for me.
So that is not what I want. I am not at all sure I want a man to be honest right now, I mean I know I don't but it is nice to have someone around. For now Trumph and Mr. W are enough for me. I like things the way they are. That is enough. Well that is all for now may all of you guys be blessed. Adieu mes zamis.....

2011-02-24T16:54:00.000-08:00

I am doing homework, listening to music on FB and just doing. Rent will be due soon and I have not yet found a job but I am going to get some rental assistance which is good. Plus I saw an employment specialist at school who is going to help me revamp my resume and start doing work hopefully in the SHS social human services field. Finally my dreams of a career are taking off.
Il niege in Seattle, lightly may le Bon Dieu be praised not like the weather they are getting elsewhere. Of course the Seattlelites are racing about as if it is the coming of the apocalypse but what more can one of expect of them. This is the land of rain not frozen falling water. School is good but my schedule is crazy and busy. I have registered for all of my classes and well I'm on the wait list for one but I am only 2 places down so I believe I will get in. I am excited and nervous, because all of this is starting to come together in some strange way and I see the hand of God in all of it. All of the struggles I have shared on this blog, my various males, my breakup with Trumph, loosing my job, my drug issues, my hopes, my getting a House In Virginia all of the tragedies and triumphs are beginning to make sense and the wider picture that I could not see is now crystallizing before my eyes. Et aie mon Grand Met, I am so grateful to you. So very grateful. Still there is work to be done and I am doing it. Yet for the first time in a really long time I am so proud of myself.
I feel that I am right where I need to be and that is something to be appreciated. I learning more and more day by day and I just feel like I have not lived since the last summer I spent in Portland in the presence of evil. I have come out of it a much better man.
Right now I live on Capitol Hill with a brother and sister and things are good. The sister had her foot amputated. And oh how i am learning to be not only grateful for all of my limbs but I am learning patience and how to be a better servant. It just seems that my whole life has become as of late a classroom and I am continually learning which suits me just fine. If one ever stops learning well you can figure that one out guyz.
So I suppose right now life is cool. I just hope I can get thru all of this without running my self ragged but right now I am pretty happy with life. Stressed but happy. My health is good too and that is pretty important. I am simply trusting God and just showing u0p to do my part which what we all should do. Paix mes zamis, be blessed!
Oh wish me bonne chance with the job and all that I have to get done in the coming days.

Chaka Khan - At Midnight (INCREDIBLE VOCALS!!)

2011-02-17T13:34:00.000-08:00

Chaka Khan - Baby Me

2011-02-17T13:29:00.000-08:00

CHAKA KHAN / EVERYWHERE { LIVE n ITALY }

2011-02-17T13:23:00.000-08:00

Diddy - Dirty Money - I Hate That You Love Me

2011-02-17T13:16:00.000-08:00

2011-02-16T12:07:00.001-08:00

Sak passe? Hopefully all is well with you guyz... Well let's see a bunch is going on as usual. Just registered and I may be taking 20 credits before it's all over but hey at least I did it early and it's according to my plans to get out of here on time. By Fall of 2011. I did my Fafsa and now I am looking for a job which reminds me because I have to do some more school things later. After my interview today at Dick's which despite it's moniker is a Burger Joint kinda famously known in Seattle. They are good for a nice quick late night drunk munch you know? Now I am up after an interesting breakfast at McDonalds where some person tried involve me in some kind of mess involving methadone or heroin.. Yeah I went to the junkie D's on the Hill it was close though and I aint never been nor will I ever be a heroin user. That's my word. At any rate I went there and had a nice breakfast almost finished the book, Sins of the Father I am reading on the Trans Atlantic African Slave Trade. Quite informative as I have indicated in other posts if you have not read this book you should. Then I left ran into the guy who I basically bypassed and headed to school where I checked email, played FV, talked to Mr. W and made I guess a date with Javiav? Not a date but like you know a meeting time. So we will hang and I will see if I can invite him down to the rally for the First Nation Carver who was gunned down by the police.
The offending officer who shot him is not going to even get a slap on the wrist after an inquest that clearly showed that he murdered that man. Oh are not the lives of people of color cheap!? This is what it is to be a man of color in Today's America. you are too often reminded that you are still not really a person by shit like this. I am actually getting angry now the more I dwell on this subject...Racism is still very much alive and well though even in a place as lovely as Seattle. The rain unfortunately does not wash away the hate or the pain.
And yes I did say that right earlier I am looking for a crappy job since the UE is gone and I must have some way to support myself. At least a paycheck will be more dependable. I have applied places now I am just waiting to find out. The thing is to do work and get done with school and then find a job that will put me through more school. I am career minded despite what all say. And so here is to this. I know I will be successful too. God has brought me way to far to just drop me like that.
So my day and my life these days is full just another rat race. But it's a race that I am most determined to win. Bien c'est tous pou maintenant. Adieu mes zamis...

Case - Let Me Down Easy

2011-02-11T11:18:00.000-08:00

Freaknik - T-Pain feat. Snoop Dogg & Mack Maine - Ghetto Commandments

2011-02-10T17:14:00.000-08:00

2011-02-10T17:02:00.000-08:00

Pour la moment mes zamis, I am breaking this up juste un peu to let y'all know how I'm doing. Which is aiight. Lot;s of school work looking now for a job, gotta have that rent paid. Single which is nice... Sorry I am enjoying it and just rising slowly slowly to the top. Or at least to the top for me. Tomorrow I am going to Nicoletta's Dinner Party which should be fun. Bon bois, bon manges, good drink, good eats, and hopefully good people though I have suspicion that Mr. W and I will be the only of the People (People of African Descent) there. Still it hsould be fun. yesterday we helped run errands so she could prepare. We took her to the grocer and then back to her house for a cocktail and Nicoletta took her meds and drank a drank drank, which is basically a strong ass drank and was drunk as hell with us all at the Dollar Tree running around making us speak in British accents. We sounded a mess and some kids was laughing at us. Mr. W was doing it too. It was kool though even if I got a lil bitchy cause I was hungry but hey Mr. W got me some eats so it was all good.

Aie Aie Aie Mr. W. What can I say about that one? Hmmmm.... Okay so I related to you the past we was seeing each other and then we broke up. Here is why. He has no backbone and his stalkerish roommate was ruining our relationship. Well since I decided we didn't need to be boyfriends what do you know? Mr. W has finally grown a pair. Unfortunately for him though it took some fairly dramatic things to happen. His roommate stealing from him basically is what has prompted some much needed good sense and courage to come thru. I am not going to totally put MR. W out there like that but I will say this: IT'S ABOUT MUTHAFUCKING TIME!!!! Which is good for him, I just pray all works out for him. On l'autre main.... Hmmm well I am still seeing him though not as much and we have a nice time. I let it be known though that we are friends with benefits.

Then there is Trumph he is back again of course he never left. I have resumed seeing him again... And even now I miss him. He's doing well with the music stuff and I kinda feel like hey he is on the right road. Once again another thing good.

So yes I have my pair I wonder who my spare will be? LOL! Jokes... Kinda. School is good not crazy but good I am just taking things one day at at time. And of course my health is good. That is the most important thing. Well that is an update...All of you be blessed and have a great day. Au revoir!!!

Freaknik: The Musical Part 5

2011-02-10T17:01:00.000-08:00

Freaknik: The Musical Part 4

2011-02-10T16:51:00.000-08:00

Freaknik: The Musical Part 3

2011-02-10T16:50:00.002-08:00

Freaknik: The Musical Part 2

2011-02-10T16:50:00.001-08:00

Freaknik: The Musical Part 1

2011-02-10T16:50:00.000-08:00

2011-02-03T16:54:00.000-08:00

Life is so short so enjoy it and let it be a life full of joy. Joy I have found is not hard to find really. I was telling a former instructor that life is so proecious and I have found such a meaning in the life i lead now even in the face of things which bum me out that I just don't let it get me down. So dont you let it either.

2011-01-31T14:21:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone bonjou vas tous... I am well. I went to church yesterday and heard the most inspiring word...It just really revived my spirit. Alot has been going on and I needed to hear it. Then I went out and kicked it. I know I know but it was fun I saw Maeve and Titania and it has been awhile we kicked it. I felt magical... LOL! No but it was alot of fun. Then I stumbled home and had a bacon and egg sandwich. Oh God it was so fucking good too.
Today I am going to drop off my resume and then do some online tests that shouldn't take too much time at Express yes I am going to do some temp work. See if that will put some mola in da pockets. I am really trusting God on this. And I know he will pull thru. This week I have a doctor's appointment oh Joy what great news will they tell. On this I am trusting him as well. Oh and Italian sea food dish was excellent and I am going to eat some more of it later. Well that's it for now be blessed mes amis.

2011-01-29T17:24:00.000-08:00

So here it is life in the first month of Jan for the new year. I have begun looking for some part time work, so that I can pay the rent and finish this school thing. In the meantime I am just taking care of myself and my health. just finished up a paper and yes school is going well I am glad for that at least. I really am. I am loving life and I am even though things financially are not perfect life is okay. I will not complain.
Life is what I am making of it and I am liking it. Got a new DVD player hier and that was good. Been learning new things as I hang with Byron and who knew. he is a very cool guy and I am learning alot. Mr. W and I are no longer together we are just seeing each other again and for that I'm grateful and happy. I am not sure that I really want to be or need to be in a relationship now. I don't know if I trust it. My health is well and I am grate VLs are low, other necessaries high and I am well. I should really get to Portland to see my new niece but I can't bring myself to ever go there. I hate it too much. If I never see that wretched city it will be only too soon.

I am currently reading Sins of the Fathers about the Trans Atlantic Slave Trade. Very good book if you get a chance read it. I don't suppose I have much to report really. Life is good and I am enjoying it. Tonight I am having Cupino. I can't wait. It's like a Portuguese sea food dish and i am all ready. I am actually starving right now. That will be a nice night. Well guys be blessed. Oh I can't believe I almost forgot but Egypt!!!! WOW I am so happy for the people of Egypt and I hope they achieve their aims. Freedom, dignity, and the end to a dictatorship. Mubarak it is time to go. It's incredibly interesting how people power has been recently shaking up the Magrheb as of late. Tunisia and now Egypt. Who knows it just goes to show you that the path for freedom when people really strive for it can never ever be denied. It will bloom even in the most choking of soils. Somethings you can't destroy with fear. I figure though what a way to bring in African Hisptry Month huh?

Speaking of which this our month. Well it is and yeah I know it short but hey get it together. Read a book. Yes read a book on our History. Don't go see a movie but read. We have a rich history at hand and all you have to do to access it is to read. So here are some good books on African History specifically to get you going:

1.We Wish to Inform You That Tomorrow We Will be Killed With Our Families: Stories from Rwanda. An excellent book on the Rwandan Genocide.
2. Sins of the Fathers: The Atlantic Slave Traders 1441-1807. I am reading it now you have to read this.
3. Soldier Boy- This is a novel of the Biafrian War. Very good.
4. Dogucimi- A Novel on Dahomey which id really great.
5. Masseni-A great West African Novel.
6. Aman- A biography of a Somali Woman.
and they are so much more but hey I just figured I'd give you this for now. hey guys have a great weekend and be blessed.

2011-01-10T12:55:00.000-08:00

Bonojou vas tous? Hopefully this new year of 2011 has found you well. How were my Holdiayz? Well a bit of a bust. I didn't get to see ma famille nor did I get anything for Noel. It was all like money issues going on for the month of December. I also moved into a much better place closer to everything. Still it has been a little bit of a struggle like it never is not a struggle. I dunno I had some financial aid issues... It is just like stuff is difficult and yet I do not feel overtly stressed really. I am just doing what I need to do to make it happen. Which feels good if not slightly exhausting. Still I am slowly ever so slowly approaching completion of my goals. I can't wait. If for nothing else than to face all those who always had some shit to say and simply and finally be better than what they said I could do. Even though it has been at times a lil hectic this year feels so much better than last year and I feel like I am going to be not only okay but much better than I was last year. So here is to me and getting my goals accomplished. Vive Kyon Saucier!!!

I am alive and I am content for the most part and for me, right now that is enough....

Faith Evans ft. Keyshia Cole-Can't Stay Away

2010-12-16T15:59:00.000-08:00

Faith Evans - Way You Move ft. Snoop Dogg

2010-12-16T15:56:00.000-08:00

Faith Evans "Everyday Struggle" feat. Raekwon

2010-12-16T15:55:00.000-08:00

Timbaland - Ease Off The Liquor - Shock Value II

2010-12-16T15:53:00.000-08:00

Willow Smith - Whip My Hair

2010-12-16T15:48:00.000-08:00

Wayne Brady- Beautiful Ugly

2010-12-16T15:18:00.000-08:00

Wayne Brady - I ain't movin'

2010-12-16T15:12:00.000-08:00

T-Pain feat Pitbull - Hey Baby - NEW 2010

2010-12-16T15:03:00.000-08:00

One And Only - Timbaland Feat Fall Out Boy

2010-12-16T14:58:00.000-08:00

Morning After Dark (Featuring Nelly Furtado & SoShy)

2010-12-16T14:46:00.000-08:00

Drake & Trey Songz - "Successful"

2010-12-16T14:41:00.000-08:00

2010-12-16T14:32:00.000-08:00

Well things are as things are. Crazy for the holidays and I feel a bit like I'm on a train that is moving quite fast but not so super fast but fast... And I'm kind of watching everything zip past me. I'm exhausted. I mean bone tried. I can barely concentrate...Well that's not true, I herbally refreshed right now. I am just like at the end of alot of work for a period and more to come and of course all is influx. Moving a gain closer into Seattle itself, centrally located and that's cool less money too. It is a sublimely nice feelings. Things though stressful are going okay and most importantly of all this wretched year is at an end. It was not a good year and I am glad it is gone. Or rather that it is going. Oh there were good times in this year but by and large the bad far outweighed the good. Sometimes there are periods like that luckily mine seem to come after better periods.
Medically things are good with me. Financially they could be better and will be soon. Progress reports. I've been to couple little holiday fetes one at school and one oat POCAAN last night. Both were fun with lots of good fun. There is a thrill of excitement in the air though I have to admit last year was much more fun around this time.
I miss Tacoma and my Winter Court. I trully do... Now at this time I am in a relationship with Mr. W... He is adorable and sweet and good natured and loves me sooo much. All the things I have been looking for forever right? And yet he is at times seeming to lack common sense in the most rudimentary sense. He is not sharp. He also seems to be spineless at times. That is a conundrum right there. I am not so sure what to do? I mean do I stay or go... And we won't even talk about some of the drama that is around this relationship. I don't have the energy...
Ahh bien perhaps I just do not feel very in the spirit yet. I still have shopping to do and plans to make. Christmas Eve is at least accounted for. We will go to Jack Frost's house. The Wyldfae who is very much attached my Court still. We will have Duck and Ham and all the fixins so there is at least that. A proper party for the evening.
Also I think I may go to a party this weekend a Holiday gathering for Men of All Colors Together. I kind of don't always really feel those parties but free food and something to do. I loathe being cooped up for too long. So the day has been kinda just chill and yet I have gotten everything that I had today done. I am pretty happy about that. So I suppose though there is some stress things are good. And that is good. I so want this year to end just the same.

2010-12-05T13:20:00.000-08:00

Bonjou va tous! How goes it for all y'all today? Hopefully well. You know by now if you read this I use this for therapy. Because well it helps. Some folkz say a blog should not be so personal but I don't care. I think a blog should be what it is. And this one is about me. So here is a list of somethings I can't stand when going to the dokte now adays.

10. The waiting rooms. I can't stand it. The magazines are old and or I have already read them. How about some new magazines folkz.

9. The people in the waiting rooms. I know we all need health care but really? Like really? Can you not be a total hot ghetto/barrio mess when you are waiting for your whatever? Can you keep your rambunctious children from terrorizing everyone and everything in the room? Like I don't have enough on my mind as is.

8. Though services in some places medically can be linked is it just me or does it seem like all of the clinics and hospitals in Seattle are built in some kind of defensive grid that makes sure you the patient are bound to be lost forever wandering to where you need to get to? It's like jeez I can die of my ailment or just starve to death in this maze you just sent me inside of.

7. Okay this is not prison and you asking me what am I in for is not the kind of small talk I want to have. And do you come here often is just the wrong kind of come on to say in a place like this.

6. It's just a little prick. WHAT DA FUCK LADY THAT IS AN ELEPHANT NEEDLE AND YOU WANT TO SHOVE IT IN MY STOMACH!

5. You need a total of 7 vacinnations and we were going to have them all done today but I just thought that might overload your immune system so we will just do 3. Oh, well aren't you just the picture of thoughtfullness.

4. Well I'm not really sure but-
Wait a minute! NO NONONONONO!!!! You did not just tell me when discussing my prognosis and treatment options that you are not really sure?! Are you serious!? Yeah I feel real confident right now.

3. We only need 7 vials of blood from you this time. It's not so bad. You want some juicie afterwards? Yes I want juice, cookies, crackers, and the 7 vials of blood you just sucked out of me like a mosquito flea hybrid from hell! Why? BECAUSE I'M FUCKING DIZZY AS HELL!!

2. Now you know you shouldn't drink or smoke.
Yes I do. I know that but after all the fucked up new shit your about to tell me I need something to take the edge off!

1. Oh Kyon you are so funny, you're my favorite patient.
Yeah well it's laugh alot like some idiot savant or piss my pants because I am so scared.

Oh the joys of medicine. Well guyz be blessed and be thankful that you have your health!

2010-11-26T11:15:00.000-08:00

So what was my Thanksgiving like? Well lemme first start off by saying that as a descendant of the First Nations of the Blackfoot, Chicksaw, Cherokee, and Crow nations I recognize this holiday for what it is. A White Washing, and I use that word in all of it's double entendre likeness, of history that made the Pilgrims look good when they were nothing but murderous, disease ridden, parasites. It is a justification of colonialism under the guise of freiendship made with the savages who spared the poor righteous white people. Bah and bullshit. It is also yet another look at how Americans really ahve no culture and pick any day to eat and be fat and lazy bastards! Now that all being said.... I enjoyed my Thanksgiving. I ate like it was no one business and had a lovely time.
First it was the Dinner PArty at Jack Frost's home with his little Troll. Troll and Frost did a lot of cooking and so did Father Dread. We ate so well Mon Dieu au ciel! There was roast turkey, roast duck, fried turkey, cornish game hens soaked in rapserry vinagrette, asparagus, salad, mac and cheese, garlic mashed sweet yams (sounds gross but oh soo good), peacan pie, dutch apple pie, and cranberry apple pie, rum cakes, and wine. Lots and lots of wine. And herbal esscences too! We herbalizes, we drank, we ate, we herbalized, we drank, and ate sum mo'! I felt like a lion on the plains after bringing down a cape bufallo. It was so good!
Then Mr. W and I went off to Renton for cocktails with ML. Who was a most gracious host. We herbalized and drank. Then with esscences and triptophane running through or viens Mr. W and I passed smooth out! It was a lovely day and though I missed my family a lil bit I didn't that much. I will apres tout see them a Noel. So that was My Thanksgiving and man was a brotha most grateful. Food, folkz, and fun! Like MacDonald's but better! God I'm hungry again. I suppose today I may...I may go to Harry Potter! Adieu mes zamis!!!

2010-11-24T11:50:00.001-08:00

EVERYONE HAVE A VERY HAPPY, JOYFUL, DELICIOUS FOOD FILLED, AND ABOVE ALL SAFE THANKSGIVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-11-15T16:57:00.000-08:00

Bonjou or actualment bonsoir maintenant mes zamis. Sak passe? Bien jespere for all of you. I am doing, well I suppose i am well but I am just I dunno a little fretful for the future though so far God has provided me with all I need. Sometimes though I still am like really why me? Yet as my friend told me it is a part of life and it happens. You just had bad luck and bad judgment all at once. I know a hell of a combo. Still I can only say that it is God who has kept me all this time and I am getting even better in so many things. And that is good because I will stay alive to be an old man and I can bless others with my story and what God is doing in my life and my world. Even when it hurts as it has. And I am so very blessed. I have a wonderful family and a new niece that is just lovely... I should show here to you. You have to see here because she is soooo cute! I will too in another post but for now I have her and my family who are wonderful, neurotic top nosed West Indian and Black American dysfunctional fools but hey I love them still. Thank God my Creole Family is nothing like that.

I have a wonderful boyfriend who I love and who loves me so much and is so there for me, even when I do not deserve his love... And I apparently still have my looks because males still flock round me in attempts to well u know. I do miss Trumph still and I still love him but I will stick this out with Mr W for now. He is good to me. So very good to me. So this week we saw Skyline and For Colored Girls and the title is waaay too long.

The Colored Girls film was good and I liked it however I felt really bad for having a dick at the end of the film. Also I am sorry but I got at times very tired of the poetry. However I still adored the film and give it 5 stars go see it!

Okay so I liked Skyline... I know I did though however I had alot more questions after the movie like what the hell was going on during it? What were the Aliens all that. And why did all the people of Color have to get killed before the films end? Especially Donald Faison and his parfait poitrine. And what was up with that ending? Is there going to be sequel and after all the shitty reviews who will want to see it? I still liked it and I will buy it. I am a movie collector. I am I love movies. I want to be in a movie someday I hope to be in one and no not some porno either. Cause I don't like having sex with a bunch of people watching. Just like 2 or 3... If they join.... LOL! Hey I have to laugh because if not I will be crying and I don;t like dry and itchy eyes.
It is funny how time changes things and heals old wounds, and how it solidifies boundaries and things in a person. Now I am trully in many was a different person and no this is not so much maturity but a determination. Never ever again will I hurt like I did at the hands of Gogo. Ever. Still at times I have the most horrible nightmares of him and that time with him. That is the most haunting thing of all this stuff.
However I have forgiven myself for the mistakes I made and I have accepted it. And I'm okay. In fact I am more than okay I am blessed. I am so blessed and I have very little to complain about. God is always right on time he has been and he has in many ways restored me. And for that I am most grateful. I think so many people in this country we live in take all they have for granted well I don't. not anymore because I am alive. And that gift that I have is so precious that I can never complain of the little dumb shit. Well I mean I can because the dumb shit is at times annoying, penible but the point is that I do not let it ruin my day or life. Because there is so much out there. So much life. So go out and live it. Oh and here are the photos of my niece Amilah!

Elle se si belle ouais? Bien sur oui et je l'adore! Well guyz c'est tous pou moi cette nuit. Bon soir and be blessed all of you...!

2010-11-01T15:06:00.000-07:00

Stress stress stress, i have no money, struggling to pay rent, tests and papers abounding...Oh and of course to complicate it all is that HOUSE IN VIRGINIE that I own. Right how very lovely. Oh and it is raining again. It is raining all the time now and deluges... Bien sur j'habite a Seattle mais vraiment, sky give it a rest. And I am as of late very tried. So tired. Not a sick people or person tired just tired. Like I am running with everything to keep up. And in some ways I am but...I am tired lately.
My Halloween was fun and uneventful as in nothing fucked up or dangerous took place and of course I did not put myself into positions where anything messed up would happen so that was kool. I was Captain Hilfiger, I put on a plastic blue mask and a Tommy Hilfiger running suit and there I was. Mr. W and I had a nice time. That night. My Wyldfae was there, drunk as usual and running about. I mean what else right? Still that never stopped me from dancing the night away. Which I did. I also insulted alot of White Gay Guyz, because well they were annoying me and sometimes I do like to put them in their place. I know I am a piece of work. Mr. W. is late again. Sigh

So last night I dreamt of Gogo.... It was nightmare. I don't know why either because I certainly was not thinking of him but I had a nightmare about him coming to me and trying to I don't know... It wasn't anything sexual or violent it was just his presence was extremely unsettling. Mr. W said I cried out in my sleep. I think I did. The dream felt too real.

Perhaps it is just a winter dream that is coming my way and I just have to deal. Once again it is that time of year and still I almost dread it and adore it at the same time. I want this wretched and horrid year to end. I am so sick of everything that has taken place this year. This has been like a year of lament for me. It has been just hard. Yet I am still here. a little bruised and battered but I am still here.And I suppose I am just so grateful even just for that.

VIVE KYON!!!! And now I am smiling.

Adina Howard- Doin 80

2010-10-18T13:16:00.000-07:00

DJ Jazzy Jeff feat. Raheem Davaughn - My Soul Ain't For Sale

2010-10-18T13:10:00.000-07:00

I Found My Smile Again

2010-10-18T13:06:00.000-07:00

Katy Perry "California Gurls" Parody - California Boys

2010-10-08T13:03:00.000-07:00

This has been killing me for the last 2 days I have been cracking up and now you can too.

2010-10-07T08:01:00.000-07:00

Bonjou vas tous c'est tres tot pou moi aujourd'hui, and yeah I am not fully awake. Well how have I been doing. I have been doing. Perhaps lately a bit overwhelmed at times, and at other times not so much. I am dealing with things as they come and doing what I can. Things have most definitely changed for me. I love the doctors or at least what they do for with keeping me healthy and under my doctor's gentle observations I have remained healthy...However going to them because I have 2, well I dread it. Blood, always my blood is spilled. Okay that sounds hella dramatic but that is what takes place. I have blood drawn out of me every time I visit and the needles only seem to be getting bigger. I swear last time I went for labs the needle they drew blood with was for a freaking horse! And I hate it because well I mean I don't like pain. I know some of you are saying well u could've prevented all of this but please don't go there. I know more than anyone else. Also I have been sometimes feeling a little hypo or rather I am guarding against hypochondria which is easier said than done because I am always wondering... But enough of that and talk of illness and blood and doktes for the moment.
School is going well as can be expected. Already I have had papers assigned and who knows what I was thinking with taking 16 credits but I am doing pretty well and I am glad for that. Of course while my tuition has been paid I found out that my books had not been paid for so I had to appeal for emergency aid to get some from the school 'cause I can't afford 'em. Ouais pauvre comme a squirrel in winter. Pray I get that aid I needthose books. My birthday in 3 days and I have no idea how that is going to go, I am not really interested in it this year, and I have a Boyfriend now, yes Mr. W and I have decided to try this.... So far I am not complaining about him so much, but the other day Javiav came over to my apartment and made an ass of himself and I am now finally done with him and his supposedly non existent, stalkerish, infatuation that he refuses to admit. No trully I am. he verbally attacked Mr. W and exposed some confidences that I had put in him about Mr. W and this time for some reason (though in reality I suppose looking back why was I shocked at his behavior? He has done this so many times before,) but I was. The I know this much he will not again. He is no longer a confidant. Not ever, the betrayal like that rooted in jealousy, it drives me crazy and I am so tried of having to be so careful of Javiav's forever mixed up feelings. So I won't anymore. That was easy. I thankfully was able to smooth things over with Mr. W but who knows.
And then Trumph. I have not seen him in days but I miss him and well maybe I am not as over him as I want to be. I understand now how Gogo said to me once that you can trully be in love with 2 people. Gogo.... Pleasing thoughts. I will cross these bridges when I come to them.
Part of my issues as of late is that I have been really stressing myself out about and I need not do that. It is just this year has been one of the most trying and I have had some trying times. Once again we shall see.
Well the other day Mr. W and I were going to visit a friend and this old woman was standing there looking all distressed. And you know I talk to anyone. I do and I am not so sure it is a good habit. Still I do it. So I said Hi, you know 'cause I thought she would be like we parked in her husbands spot or son's spot or some spot and I asked her how you doing and she said terrible! Okay so the rest is like this:
Kyon: Oh what's wrong honey?
Old LAdy (OL):They killed my cat!
Kyon: I'm so sorry what was the kitty's name?
OL: SWEETS! They killed Sweets! They murdered her! They said she had cancer but she wasn't in any pain they didn't have to put her to sleep and they murdered her!

Now at this point we begin moving off and the old woman is now in rant mode, never moving after us but her voice rising ever steadily in volume.
Kyon: Well she did have cancer I am so sorry amour!
I called that out to her because I didn't care anymore. Well I didn't. However hse kept on ranting.

OL:And the govt sucks! THEY ARE KILLING ALL THE WILD ANIMALS AND THEY NEED TO LEAVE THEM ALONE.LET THEM RUN FREE!
Then she adds : AND YOU'RE NEXT!
How telling. Man someone murdered Sweets and fucked it all up. And shit before the weekend I had no idea. Someone killed Sweets! That is why all the things are the world are messed up you know. Cause someone killed Sweets. Damn you for murdering her. LOL! Well I am doing well and I am keeping you all updated. Be blessed.

50 Cent feat Eminem and Destiny's Child - Thug Love (Remix)

2010-10-02T15:20:00.000-07:00

I love this song but I only want a thug sometimes....

Joe - Bedroom

2010-10-02T14:38:00.000-07:00

Great song

THE BRAND NEW HEAVIES - Spend Some Time

2010-10-02T13:15:00.000-07:00

Solé ft. Tamar - 4 The Love of You

2010-09-29T13:12:00.000-07:00

Chaka Khan - You Can Make The Story Right

2010-09-28T13:32:00.000-07:00

Chaka Khan - A Woman In a Man's World

2010-09-28T13:09:00.000-07:00

Chaka Khan - Sleep On It

2010-09-27T19:48:00.000-07:00

If we can sleep on it, a classic and a keeper. I love Chaka!!!

Bishop Carlton Pearson: He Defends Bishop Eddie Long and Claims GAYS wil...

2010-09-27T19:47:00.000-07:00

Check this out guys I agree my take on the Bishop Eddie Long Scandal.

2010-09-27T19:14:00.000-07:00

Bonjouy et sak passe i know long time no see. Well school has started and I am in thus I have access again more fully to a comp and I am relishing it. Classes look like they will be good I am ready. I trun 33 on the 10th of October and I am awaiting that. I am seeing Mr W still and while I am falling for him he has some small issues and in truth I still have feelings for Trumph. Not sure what to do with all this I am just going to ride it out wait and see. Plus this is the start of my busy season so who knows.In the meantime I have to address this scndal with this man who unfortunately has been caught up in something not so cute. Well I have to say this I am not going to throw stones at him, I do beleive he is probably a homo, and I feel sad for him that he has been forced into this corner, though he made his choices and must thus follow the consequences. However the man who has the most problems with gay men and gay sex usually wants to have what? Right lots of GAY SEX. Nuff said.
Check this out a vid I have for you on the subject following this post.
Doctors give good repoerts though I do have a bit of a sore throat that Mr. W gave me but overall I am well. I hope this finds you well and at peace. Be blessed everyone et adieu.

Britney Spears - Trouble

2010-09-14T11:59:00.000-07:00

I still love this song and I know it is Brit but I can't help it.

( Fantasia "Back To ME" 2010) Fantaisa I'm Doing Me

2010-09-14T11:41:00.000-07:00

I am really feeling this song

Michael Jackson Birthday Party in BK

2010-09-14T11:32:00.000-07:00

Yet another reason why I need to move out of Seattle!

Kanye West Feat. Beyonce & Charlie Wilson - See Me Now [CDQ] + DIRECT DO...

2010-09-14T11:09:00.000-07:00

Will Smith- SUMMERTIME (PARODY)

2010-09-13T14:58:00.000-07:00

FINAL GUEST CONFIRMED! The Oprah Winfrey Show FINAL SEASON 25: (MUST SEE)

2010-09-13T14:54:00.000-07:00

Anthony ur crazy for this! But I love it and I love u!

2010-09-08T10:38:00.000-07:00

I am not sure exactly what it is but something about the end of the summer makes me sad. Even a summer as tumultuos as this one has been for me. I can think of worse things I have experienced in my life but this summer has been one that has really tested me mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically with all that has gone on. Some of which has been because of the choices I made for good or ill I now deal with the consequences. First off my health is great. Infact people have been saying I look really good andI feel pretty good, which I find ironic but okay I aint trying to rock that boat at all. Life has been interesting lately, home is okay, I'm loving my big oom so much more than the last hovel I was trapped in, morel ike a hole really. Well I kinda don't like one of my rommies, he's a passive agressive lil bitch but hey what do ya do. Mais vraiment li se un bete idiot, tu konne?
I have a new freidn at the house a kitten named Leo. He is actually very cute even if he does cry all the time. He likes to curl up nmext to me on the chair in the apartment and sleep next to me, he lets me pet him and he is always trying to get up in my room. SO is his mother Jade. They find me bed to be most comfortable. I don't want the fleas I suspect they have in my bed though. I really didn't have a pet growing up so this is kool however I am a lil worried at time about toxiplasmoids? So I suppose I shall have to ask my dokte about that. I am about to start school and also hoepfully get a job because well unemployment does not last forever.
I am ready to work again at a crappy job to help further my goald since this job this time really will just be a means to an end, and this time it really will be. In the meantime I am finding people to be very supportive of me and my new condition and to be honest it is as if for the first time I am really really loving life. I used to say things like God I hate my life. I used to say that alot but now I don't. I mean I have always known I am mortal, that is was nevera question of if I would die but merely when, however this makes my mortalilty seem so much more pressing and not in a bad way, just in way that says hey appreciate this day. Appreciate this breath, savor this experience. And I am. This is not to say in anyway that my life is perfect or anything or that i am perfect it just that I feel more grateful about things and in some ways less willing to deal with the dumb shit, but also not really sweating the small shit either. I dunno perhaps it also maturing. My 33rd birthday will be here soon and I really want to celebrate but I dunno know how. I dunno I wanna have a big party but reality says I dunno how that will happen. So probably I will just maybe celebrate by myself. Because I have come this far and why the hell not!!!
Also a certain person is coming to see me next month and I can't wait fopr that eityher. And this year before it ends I am going to go somewhere that I want to go,. For real! Bien c'est tous mes zamis, soyez bon! Adieu!

2010-08-25T13:30:00.000-07:00

So today I had a meeting with my case manager and we talked about insurance and medical forms and wiavers and copnsent forms and all kinds of stuff and it was actually really good. Number one it was good becaue case managing will mostl ikely be part of a career I choose and I am seeing it in action albeit it is on my behalf. Also it means that I am still staying on top of this thing. So in that respect all is well. I ma waiting on a check that should've been here yesterday is not yet here. It better be here today. I need money I've got to go grocery shopping and I think I'm going to buy a pair of clippers too. I mean I shave my head bald and why szreally should I pay people to do what I capable of doing. Plus I have started like doing a little body scaping of my chest area and I dunno I like it so yeah...Imma just get some clippers. I am slowly coming to realize more and morethatI will be aiight. I have alot of support in the works and I have folkz around me who care so I mma be okay. At any rate photos of me! Because I am vain! Okay. Be blessed and peace y'all Adieu!

2010-08-23T12:46:00.000-07:00

Life goes by slowly these days, well not really but perhaps colored by my experience of adjustment to my house in virignie, I am thinking that I am actually living life more and to the fullest. I experience it more than I hever think I have. So every moment is now trully precious. On one hand that's cool and on the other hand it isn't soo kool. I would rather not have this new experience to navigate. Still I am well and health is good so I am not complaining and I am adjusting, if that can be said as well as I can to this new thing. Even if I hate it. As for Gogo...Well The last thing I heard from him was him asking me never to speak to our mutual friend again....It was perhaps a lie, but I don't care now. He has taken everything tfrom me that he could and I see him now for what he chooses to be...And I have cut off communication from him. It's a hard thing all this because I feel like I have all this rage and anger and unsaid things that I want to just lash at him with but in the end I beleive it is for the best. It does no good and it certainly won't change things or benefit anyone. Not even me. Forgiveness it is not an weasy thing to choose or to walk in but once you do so, you just do it. Nuff said.
I have a new phone an I like it. First of all it does not look so ancient, secondly the plan is much cheaper than before and I like it. It's a cheap Blackberri but whatever when it comes to ophones I'm not all gadgety like that. Of course though it's great to be reconnected and slowly but surely everything the cancerworm has taken is being resotred to me. God has blessed me so much during this time and it is to him that I have found most of my peace and refuge.
Since I ahve been back I have been kinda dating. Though I don't have a boyfirend per se as much as I have suitors. One of them Mr. W
is an old piece and we are enjoying each other's company at the moment. The other is Trumph. And finally there is Soldat who lives in MO, right now but who has my attn. If for no other reason than he is not from this part of the country and plus he is charming thus far. But no serious commitments yet. I am simply not ready for that, the only person I would be ready for that would be Trumph and he still needs to be single or so he says but as of late who knows.
The world tells me still that he loves me and is still in love with me and he shows me such in little ways... I have forgiven him for the past and I could and would be willing to try it again. After all he told me we technically are not together but untechnically we are. I have no idea what that tmeans but somehow he is staking some claim to me still.
Boiz!!
I am sinply enjoying mu summer, went to a lil BBQ this weekend, hung out with MR. W, went to Twisted in Everett and just enjoyed life. Oh an last night I kikced it hard. I have to work on my alcohol intake by the way. I can't be doing too much otherwise I will hurt myself. But these days I feel fine. Still I suppose the better care I take the better I will be. OH it's just so frustrating at tiems to have to deal with this. It's like it goes away when I don't thin about it but it is so important I can't just ignore it or wish it away and it just surfaces as an issue at the worst times!! LIKE ALWAYS! ANd it is in those moment when my forgivnemss is tested and when I want to lash out and hurt others. ANd I can't, because I know how wrong it would be to do...SO I don't.
As usual I am what I am just a bubbling caudron of emotions. PH BTW JOMO MY MOTHER KNOWS NOW! Blab nothing else. Just had to let you know so you didn't do it at some inoppurtune time. So here I am. I am doing well and I living and growing. And I beleive when all is said and done I will be okay.

2010-08-17T13:27:00.000-07:00

I shall have a nice post for you guys tomorrow, as I ahve decided that someone may be albe to learn from me as I go through this...Process. So there ya go talk to y'all on the morrow. On the other hand who says I can't talk now. The week has been so far cool. New place is nice, I like it. Well naw lemme just give y'all all an update tomorrow hopefully I can do it online via a web cam than via the written.

Jordin Sparks: Walking On Snow

2010-08-12T13:01:00.000-07:00

Jordin Sparks: Emergency (911)

2010-08-12T12:44:00.000-07:00

Jordin Sparks: Was I The Only One

2010-08-12T12:41:00.001-07:00

Watch You Go - Jordin Sparks (w/Lyrics)

2010-08-12T12:41:00.000-07:00

So this is a great song and Ms. Sparks has kinda been helping me heal basically so Imma post osme of her stuff on my blog hope you like. This CD is much better htan the old one

Tunisian legal subversion

2010-08-07T14:03:00.000-07:00

Take note Americans... THis is slowly creeping upon us.

Asylum-seekers are not criminals

2010-08-07T13:55:00.000-07:00

Take a look at this and take it in.

Old Spice Guy Parody

2010-08-07T13:51:00.000-07:00

LOL!!!

Fashion

2010-08-07T13:42:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry but my God look at him. I know right?!

OLD SPICE COMMERCIAL- OFFICIAL PARODY!!!

2010-08-07T13:30:00.000-07:00

Love it, go Alpha cat.

Woman wakes up to find intruder in her bed [AUTO-TUNE Remix SONG DOWNLOA...

2010-08-07T13:25:00.000-07:00

THis is soo off da hook! I love this video! OMG this cracked me the hell up!

2010-08-04T15:58:00.000-07:00

An explanstion of my abscence, the poem I wrote, and the challenges I am currently facing in my life. Love all of you. PAIX et DEUCES!!!

Window Seat Gay Parody

2010-08-03T17:05:00.000-07:00

Love this!

2010-08-03T13:59:00.000-07:00

So You Say You Love ME?

The next man who says he loves me will not recieve any applause.
I will not jump for joy inside or out,
There will no be shouts of triumph or tears of happieness shining like diamonds as they slide down cafe chocolat cheeks.
Simply I will tell him to stop saying it to me.
For in my experience to many of you brothas have used to that phrase as a way of
DECEIVING
PACIFYING
USING
SEXING ME JUST FO' SEX
ETC. Too many blanks and not enough time to tell it all.
The next man who does me wrong will not get the chance to say sorry. There will be no second chance, no one more tries, no baby I never meant to hurt you, no please don't go.
For I am tired of feeling guilty when I am never the one in the wrong
Tired of having to justify why I am hurt,
Why I feel like forgiveness though it shall come does not happen immediately and if you are trully repentant than you would stop doing your bullshit!
Nope I will just get gone because like Blu said I would rather sleep in the middle.
The next man who hits me should be sure he does not lay down next to me after he does or continue being up in my sphere, because I will catch you slipping at some point and I am frankly quit sick of letting the Lord have vengence. Why should he get all the fun?
The next man who brings me flowers will see not a trace of pleasure.
The next man who wants me to have an all nite convo via the telephone will be sore when I tell him it's been an hour and I have shit to do.
Love's trappings are things I no longer find amusing,
Instead of warming they break my heart...Like you did.
And you did.
And you
And you
And you over there, and you, and yes niggah you too.
See the man that infected me with HIV told me heloved me, the man that hit me told me loved me, the man that bought me everything and gave me the world then dumped me and went back to his ex told me he loved me, the man that used me for everything he could drain told me he loved me, the man cast me out of our home told me he loved me....
So please,
Keep it to yourself if you catch feelings.
Let me say it first.
Or better yet just leave me be because these sdays I hate love.
I hate it
Detest it
Abhor it.
And yet in the same breath I want it more than I can allow myself to say....

Kyon Saucier

Craig David One More Lie live acoustic (Standing in the shadows of love)

2010-07-29T12:56:00.000-07:00

Mos def I can relate to this song right now.

Kele Okereke - New Rules

2010-07-28T12:32:00.000-07:00

More Kele Okereke. Pretty big deal apparantly in the UK.

Tiësto - It's Not The Things You Say feat. Kele Okereke

2010-07-28T12:29:00.000-07:00

Yet another Kele track or at least he is featured on the track. Oh and his name is actually Kele Okereke. So not only is he a British man of African Descent he is African. Heeeaay. LOL! Well enjoy guyz.

Kele - Everything You Wanted

2010-07-28T12:25:00.000-07:00

And this is Kele's new video. The boy can actually sing and I kinda feel this song. I know at least I can emotionally identify with the song. Still not necessarily my stee of musique mais, he has my support.

Kele - Tenderoni [New Single]

2010-07-28T12:21:00.000-07:00

SO this is the new single to the openly Gay AfroBritish Star Kele whose album has recently dropped in the UK. It's song tell me what y'all think. Kele who knows is he setting a new trend for Black LGBT performers? I hope so.

2010-07-27T12:32:00.000-07:00

Well it appears that somehow and someway things are slowly coming together. I even got a way to get a place now though I need to call the person today. We shall see how it all works out. For now though it appears that everything is falling together and that the right decision was to come back here. Thank God!

Jeramy Bailey - Flyin' High [Free Download]

2010-07-25T15:34:00.000-07:00

When You're Down To Nothing, God Is Up To Something - A Xem VanAdams Con...

2010-07-25T15:15:00.000-07:00

Top 5 Ways To Get Instantly Chopped

2010-07-25T15:03:00.000-07:00